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    One Hundred Mirthful Jokes
    One Hundred Mirthful Jokes
    One Hundred Mirthful Jokes
    Ebook107 pages1 hour

    One Hundred Mirthful Jokes

    By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

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    About this ebook

    This is a compilation of one hundred (generally inoffensive) jokes, some short, some long. Each joke is given a title and is numbered, and there is a list of the jokes by title and a list by number.
    They vary in length - from very short (a couple of lines) to fairly long (thirty lines plus).
    After the main body of jokes there is a section which explains each one for readers who might not have fully understood the joke.
    This could be useful for readers who are not native speakers of English - or even readers from other parts of the English-speaking world where the humour (or humor) of some jokes may be incomprehensible or opaque.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherEbenezer Jackson-Firefly
    Release dateJul 3, 2015
    ISBN9781311633279
    One Hundred Mirthful Jokes

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      Book preview

      One Hundred Mirthful Jokes - Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      One Hundred Mirthful Jokes

      By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      Copyright 2015 Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      Smashwords Edition

      ISBN: 9781311633279

      TEXT OF FRONT COVER: One Hundred Mirthful Jokes / READERS’ COMMENTS / I bought this book and I want my money back (AN ANGRY MAN) / You, sir, are a cad and a bounder, and I challenge you to a duel (A FOPPISH GENTLEMAN WITH A BRACE OF PISTOLS) / I find no mirth anywhere in these jokes (AN ANONYMOUS READER MAKING ANOTHER COMMENT) / Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly / Stand and deliver! (SOME EIGHTEENTH-CENTURY HIGHWAYMAN PROBABLY)

      COPYRIGHT: One ought not to copy this fine literary work as its author, the renowned Mr. Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly, has spent many a long evening in the flickering light of a candle flame putting together the one hundred jokes mentioned briefly in the title.

      So for this reason - the burdensome toil and the sacrifice of sleep - Mr. Jackson-Firefly would prefer it if one purchased the book rather than copy it and distribute freely it to friends and neighbours and acquaintances and strangers.

      He tells me he has taken the precaution of having a curse placed on the book (courtesy of a woman with a black cat living in the village who assures him that when she is not being the curator of a local art gallery she works as a mistress of the black arts). Thus anybody who copies the book instead of buying it will lose all their hair, and so will be easily identifiable.

      Writing joke books is sheer drudgery (relieved only when a funny joke appears among the dross), and is not an easy way to make a living. If only a million people would one of his books, Mr. Jackson-Firefly could live happily on whatever he has finally earned after profit margins and taxes and administration costs and import duties and the like have been removed.

      We appreciate your cooperation in helping the author earn an income from his harmless literary endeavours. I am, as always,

      The Editor.

      LIST OF CONTENTS

      1. INTRODUCTION (1% of the book)

      2. CONTENTS: JOKES BY TITLE (6% of the book)

      3. CONTENTS: JOKES ACCORDING TO REFERENCE NUMBER (6% of the book)

      The jokes begin here:

      4. ONE HUNDRED JOKES (70% of the book)

      5. DON’T GET IT? THE JOKES EXPLAINED (20% of the book)

      Disclaimer: we cannot guarantee that all the jokes are funny.

      Second disclaimer: In fact, we cannot guarantee that ANY of the jokes are funny.

      Polite notice: Please do not get lost navigating through this e-book. We are afraid we cannot help you if you lose your bearings. If you DO get lost, try and make your way back to the beginning of this book.

      The introduction follows. Mr Jackson-Firefly, after seeking a title for this section for a very long time, came up with ‘Introduction’, which we believe is a very apt title for an introduction.

      1. INTRODUCTION

      This is the nineteenth [citation needed] collection of jokes to emerge from the quill pen of the internationally acclaimed [by whom?] author Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly (the alter ego of Ebanezer Jackson-Firefly-with-an-‘a’, as he is known to officialdom owing to some careless Victorian clerk when he was a child.)

      A slight diversion if I may. Mr Jackson-Firefly has asked me to preface my observations with some remarks about his surname. It is, of course, (or so he tells me) that of the Firefly-Jackson family that came over to England with the Norman invaders in 1066.

      Now it seems to me that this is the case only if one cares to believe the various websites which try to sell you the coat of arms of your family name, and various coffee mugs with it blazoned upon them. And it seems Mr. Jackson-Firefly DOES believe them. Thanks to one of these websites he has found he is of noble stock.

      He has shown me a framed scroll explaining his family origins with a splendid and colourful coat of arms atop. It tells us that 'Firefly' is a corruption or variant pronunciation of the name of the town of 'Honfleur' in Lower Normandy.

      Furthermore Jackson is an additional family name inserted before the real family name for reasons of euphony. It means 'Jacques who lives next to the river Seine', since Honfleur is on the southern bank of the estuary of the river Seine which brings its waters from Paris to place them in the English Channel, or the 'Sleeve' (la Manche) as Normans like to call it.

      The family, on arriving on the English shores, (or so Mr. J-F informs me) was known as ‘Jacques-Seine Honfleur’, which was levelled and pummelled and moulded and kneaded over the centuries into ‘Jackson-Firefly’.

      The framed scroll goes on to say that the coat of arms of the Firefly-Jackson family is the same as that of the municipality of Honfleur- proof that Firefly is one and the same as Honfleur. That is, a white tower against a red background with a golden fleur de lis on either side, under a blue strip on which there are three golden fleur de lis in a row. A gold crown hovers above this neat shield design. It is described in French as 'de gueules à une tour donjonnée d'argent, accostée de deux fleurs de lys d'or; au chef cousu d'azur chargé de trois fleurs de lys d'or'.

      The scroll informs Mr Jackson-Firefly that the Firefly-Jackson motto is 'Boujou bien, mon p'tit quin'. (Good day, my little dog).

      The scroll concludes, Thus we can surmise that the original family name was 'Jacques-Seine Honfleur', and it is doubtful that there could be have been any nobler name than that in the whole of England.

      I must point out that, being doubtful of the veracity of the history on the framed scroll, I informed Mr Jackson-Firefly that coats of arms are awarded only to individuals, and not to families. But he countered my remark with the observation that it is preposterous to think that people with the same surname could have different coats of arms.

      In other words, I told him, there can be no coat of arms for the Jackson-Firefly family as a whole - only a coat of arms awarded in ancient times ago to someone called Jackson-Firefly. And we have no idea is the great Ebenezer is a descendant of this noble personage.

      But to Mr E-F, this is a poor argument, If this were so, how could various websites from the USA be allowed to sell scrolls and certificates and coffee mugs and framed surname histories of the Jackson-Firefly family?

      What's more, his scroll was purchased (via the Internet) from the reputable 'Colledge of Arms', a heraldic office based in the USA regulating the awarding of coats of arms in England.

      I must admit I was rather surprised not only at the explanation of the noble lineage of the Jackson-Firefly family which the scroll displays, but also by the unconventional spellings I saw on it - not least 'colledge', where there seems to be a letter 'd' not used in the standard spelling, which is 'college' in the more reliable English dictionaries.

      I suspected some sort of scam to relieve the unwary of vast amounts of cash. Such scams are often given away by poor spelling. Mr. Jackson-Firefly informed the Director of the 'Colledge of Arms', of the possible misspelling in the word 'college' but was assured in a return electronic mail that he spelling 'colledge' is an old Norman spelling.

      However, I have my doubts about other 'Norman' spellings in the scroll, which to my mind are more indications of semi-illiteracy,

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