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    1001 Amazing Jokes
    1001 Amazing Jokes
    1001 Amazing Jokes
    Ebook144 pages1 hour

    1001 Amazing Jokes

    By Jack Goldstein

    5/5

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    About this ebook

    Do you want a joke for every situation? Are you sure you're prepared for the moment when your audience's heads fall off and their sides split? Master of comedy Jack Goldstein is proud to present this collection of 1001 of the funniest jokes in the history of the world. There’s a food joke that pasta be the best you've ever read, and the ones about space are out of this world. The animal jokes will have you roaring in delight, but be careful - doctor, doctor might not have a laughter cure. Organised into categories so you can find the joke you want quickly, this is the perfect addition for any budding comedian's bookshelf.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAUK Authors
    Release dateJun 18, 2013
    ISBN9781783330942
    1001 Amazing Jokes

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    • 5/5
      A lovely tool to use on friends when they need to be cheered up.

    Book preview

    1001 Amazing Jokes - Jack Goldstein

    Title Page

    1001 AMAZING JOKES

    by

    Jack Goldstein

    Publisher Information

    Published in 2013 by

    Andrews UK Limited

    www.andrewsuk.com

    The right of Jack Goldstein to be identified as the Author of this Work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1998

    Copyright © 2013 Jack Goldstein

    All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser. Any person who does so may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

    Introduction

    Do you want a joke for every situation? Are you sure you’re prepared for the moment when your audience’s heads fall off and their sides split? Master of comedy Jack Goldstein is proud to present this collection of 1001 of the funniest jokes in the history of the world. There’s a food joke that pasta be the best you’ve ever read, and the ones about space are out of this world. The animal jokes will have you roaring in delight, but be careful - doctor, doctor might not have a laughter cure. Organised into categories so you can find the joke you want quickly, this is the perfect addition for any budding comedian’s bookshelf.

    Jokes for Everyone

    General Jokes - Part 1

    Why did the clown go to the doctor?

    Because he was feeling a little funny!

    What did the water say to the boat?

    Nothing, it just waved!

    How did the Vikings send secret messages?

    By Norse code!

    What is a robot’s favorite type of music?

    Heavy metal!

    Where did the king keep his armies?

    In his sleevies!

    What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark?

    Floodlights!

    Why can’t a bicycle stand up by itself?

    Because it’s two-tired!

    Why was the broom late?

    It over swept!

    Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?

    In case they get a hole in one!

    Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?

    To win the Nobel prize!

    Animals

    Where do polar bears vote?

    The North Poll!

    Why do cows wear bells?

    Because their horns don’t work!

    How do you talk to a fish?

    You drop him a line!

    What animal should you never play cards with?

    A cheetah!

    How do you catch a squirrel?

    Climb up a tree and act like a nut!

    What color socks do bears wear?

    They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet!

    What’s black and white, black and white, black and white?

    A penguin rolling down a hill!

    What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?

    Dam!

    How do bees get to school?

    By school buzz!

    Why do bees have sticky hair?

    Because they use honeycombs!

    Crossing the Road

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    To get to the other side!

    Why did the chicken cross the playground?

    To get to the other slide!

    Why did the rooster cross the road?

    To cockadoodle dooo something!

    Why did the turkey cross the road?

    To prove he wasn’t chicken!

    Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

    Because chickens hadn’t been invented back then!

    Why did the horse cross the road?

    Because the chicken needed a day off!

    Why did the cow cross the road?

    To get to the udder side!

    Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?

    She wanted to lay it on the line!

    Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

    Because he didn’t have the guts!

    Why did the clairvoyant cross the road?

    To get to ‘the other side’!

    In the Bar

    A Horse walks into a bar...

    The bartender says, So. Why the long face?

    A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, Do you have any helicopter flavored crisps?

    The bartender shakes his head and says, No, we only have plain.

    A potato walks into a bar...

    all eyes

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