Happy Habits for Every Couple: 21 Days to a Better Relationship
By Kathi Lipp and Roger Lipp
3.5/5
()
About this ebook
When was the last time you flirted with your husband? Was it before you had kids?
Do you spend more time on the couch with your wife watching movies or with a bag of chips watching The Game?
Does your idea of a hot date include a drive-thru and springing for the extra-large fries?
What would your marriage look like if for 21 days you turned your attention to happy habits that will better your relationship? Plenty of books describe how to improve a marriage, how to save a marriage, even how to ramp up intimacy in a marriage. In Happy Habits for Every Couple, Kathi Lipp and husband Roger show you practical, fun-filled ways to put love and laughter back into your marriage.
Here are just a few of the results you'll see when you put Happy Habits for Every Couple into practice:
- new levels of warmth and tenderness in your relationship
- a deeper sense of security with your spouse
- a marriage filled with fun and flirting
If you haven't given up the dream of being head-over-heels with your spouse again, following this 21-day plan will give you just the boost you need to bring you closer together.
Kathi Lipp
Kathi Lipp is a national speaker, podcast host of the Clutter Free Academy, and the bestselling author of The Husband Project, Clutter Free and Overwhelmed. She and her husband, Roger, live in San Jose, California and are parents of four young adults. Using humor and wisdom, Kathi offers hope paired with practical steps to women looking to live with meaning. You can follow Kathi at www.KathiLipp.com.
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Reviews for Happy Habits for Every Couple
5 ratings1 review
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Another really awesome book by Kathi Lipp. It is listed as a Christian book, but anyone of any faith or agnostic can get something great out of this book.
I thought there were some great idea, and I liked the whole program that Kathi and Roger have set up. I'm not too keen on involving another couple or a group to hold me accountable, I think that's more of something for a church group to do. Overall though, I think this is a program that I could follow and I can see how it would help bring some sparks back into a relationship.
Book preview
Happy Habits for Every Couple - Kathi Lipp
ministry.
Laying a Foundation:
Preparing for Happy Habits for Every Couple
1
Why Happy Habits?
With every deed you are sowing a seed, though the harvest you may not see.
ELLA WHEELER WILCOX
I (Kathi) have a shelf full of marriage books, and I bet if you’ve been married for any amount of time, you do too.
Most of the books that I own are great books. They talk about God’s desire for a healthy marriage, the theories behind a healthy marriage, and what a healthy marriage should look like if you apply these principles.
Some of those marriage books have had a great impact on my relationship with my husband.
Most of them? They ended up on our bookshelf as things I feel guilty for 1) not implementing daily and 2) not dusting.
When Roger and I got married we both brought two teenagers, a full-time job, and a host of volunteer activities into the relationship. There just wasn’t much time to be sitting up in bed after a long day, taking turns reading pages out of marriage enhancement books and staring longingly, with great resolve, into each other’s eyes.
On the other hand, Roger and I were determined to make this marriage work. We each had been in marriages that ended in divorce, and we were committed to do everything we could, in God’s power, to see that we had a marriage that not only lasted, but also was honoring to Him and filled with joy.
That’s when the crazy ideas started to flow.
First, there was The Husband Project, where I challenged my friends (and myself) to bless our men for 21 days without expecting anything in return. While most women kept it a secret from their husbands, I had to tell Roger eventually (he had a right to know what book I was working on seven hours a day).
After that, Roger and I wanted a project to complete as a couple. The results of that are what you hold in your hand.
I wanted a way to bless my marriage that was practical, fun (and perhaps just a little bit flirty), and that followed God’s plan and purpose for marriage. I needed something that wasn’t just a theory about what to do about my marriage—I wanted some checkboxes. I wanted something that would instruct me, This is what you do, now go and do it.
That is what I needed, and that is what I ended up writing.
Becoming an Expert on Your Own Marriage
I’m definitely not a marriage expert. After one failed marriage and just ten years into my second one, I’m probably not the first person you’d approach for marital advice. Although the fact that Roger and I got married with four teenagers between us, and we’re still together, should earn us some kind of presidential Medal of Honor. Or at least a nifty certificate in a leatherette case.
So I gleaned and condensed the very best advice from every marriage book on our shelves and adapted it into short, doable steps or projects we could work on together.
This is how I have to manage almost every area of my life, whether it’s healthy eating, child rearing, Bible study, or most recently, marriage. It’s not enough that I know what I’m supposed to do; I need to have a plan to get up and do it.
Through these crazy little projects (most taking less than five or ten minutes), my husband and I learned new things about each other. We rediscovered what makes each other tick, confirmed some basics we already knew, and found new and exciting ways to encourage one another. While I may not be a marriage expert, I became an expert on my marriage.
I love how The Message translates the words of James about putting feet to our thoughts:
Dear friends, do you think you’ll get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!
and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup—where does that get you? Isn’t it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense? (James 2:14-17 MSG)
We can talk about marriage all day long. We can buy books and listen to podcasts about how we should have great marriages. We can listen to sermons and do Bible studies. But unless we put some God-acts to our God-talk, no one benefits.
Thousands of couples have done the projects before you. These simple acts have been proven to change not only people’s behavior, but also their attitudes. I pray that God pours out His blessings on you and your marriage as you put feet to His plan for your relationship.
2
Being Married on Purpose
Change is inevitable, growth is intentional.
AUTHOR UNKNOWN
Before Roger and I got married, we had long conversations about what we wanted our marriage to look like. We both had plenty of examples in our lives of other couples’ marriages—some of them we wanted to emulate; some we wanted to avoid.
With both of us heading into our second marriage, it was exciting to dream about what this marriage was going to look like. This time,
we told ourselves, it’s going to be different.
And while a lot of things were different, some things were remarkably familiar. Even though I was married to a different man, many of my same insecurities and fears were very present holdovers from my first marriage. Financial strains and our teenagers’ angst hadn’t magically disappeared in this new marriage (but instead of each of us having two teenagers, now we each had two teenagers and two stepkids).
I had been told over and over that this second marriage was going to be hard. But I guess I secretly hoped we would be the couple that escaped all the drama.
Shocking, I know, but we were not that lucky couple.
Oh, I know annoying things will always happen, but when the toilet overflows, someone in the house gets the flu (again), or the bank sends a friendly note letting us know they happily covered our banking miscalculation (for a nominal fee close to what it costs to feed six at the Golden Arches), I get overly panicked, frustrated, and mad.
It was also a great surprise after three weeks of marriage to discover that those heart palpitations and overwhelming feelings of desperate love were not enough to cover the fact that no one in my new blended family shared my passion to have a sink that wasn’t loaded with enough dishes to fill our cupboards.
God’s Word tells us not only to expect the good, the bad, and the ugly but also that it comes from or is allowed by Him. We don’t always understand the trials, but we can trust the One who sent them.
When times are good, be happy;
but when times are bad, consider this:
God has made the one
as well as the other.
(Ecclesiastes 7:14)
About six months into our marriage, I remember Roger and I looking at each other and saying out loud, What have we gotten ourselves into?
This wasn’t the marriage we had dreamed about. Life was just as stressful as when I was single, but now I had to take into consideration another person’s moods and opinions.
And yes, I’m sure Roger would admit to reflecting with some longing on his bachelor days.
After long, heated discussions and a river of tears on my part, we knew we needed to make some changes, fast, if we didn’t want this marriage to go the same way as our