The Little Book of Big Laughs
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About this ebook
Perfect for entertainment, lead-ins for sermons or speeches, illustrations, and ice breakers, these short jokes and quips will help you relax, encourage your audience to listen, and provide a humorous note for talks, speeches, lessons, and social occasions. Organized by topics that include Marriage, Sports, Sunday School, Work, and more, this little humor book is easy to use.
A surgeon, an architect, and a politician were arguing about whose profession was the oldest.
Surgeon: "Eve was made from Adam's rib, and that was surely a surgical operation."
Architect: "Maybe, but before that order was created out of chaos, and that was an architectural job."
Politician: "That may be, but somebody had to create the chaos!"
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this golf course."
Caddy: "Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth!"
Mother: "I don't think you should marry Henry. He's a dentist and you're a manicurist."
Daughter: "What does that have to do with it?"
Mother: "I'm afraid you'll fight tooth and nail."
Donna Goodrich
Donna Clark Goodrich is the author of 24 books and over 700 articles, short stories, devotionals, poems, and book reviews. A freelance editor and proofreader, she’s also a popular instructor at Christian writers’ conferences. She enjoys helping new writers get started and encouraging advanced writers not to give up.
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- Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5Are really old jokes 'authored'? Curated maybe. Worth a Scribd subsription?
Book preview
The Little Book of Big Laughs - Donna Goodrich
Pulisher
Ancestry
My family can trace its ancestry back to William the Conqueror,
said the boastful young man.
I suppose,
said his friend, next you’ll be telling us your ancestors were in the Ark with Noah.
Of course not,
said the first man. My people had a boat of their own.
An illustrious New England family hired their lawyer to trace their ancestry. After months of research, he found that one member of the family had been convicted of a crime and hung. Not wanting to embarrass the family, he wrote this as the cause of death: John was standing on a platform when it suddenly gave way.
Mrs. Cabot hired a genealogist to work up an impressive family tree for her. His research revealed that one ancestor had been electrocuted for murder, so he wrote of that person, Occupied the chair of applied electricity at one of our better-known public institutions.
A hostess was trying to impress her party guests. My family’s ancestry is very old,
she bragged. It dates back to the days of King John of England.
Then, turning to a lady sitting quietly in a corner, she asked condescendingly, And how old is your family, my dear?
Well,
said the woman with a smile, I really can’t say. All our family records were lost in the flood.
What happened at the restaurant when they found out you forgot your wallet?
The waiter kicked me out a side exit.
What did you do?
I told him I belonged to a very important family, so he apologized, invited me back in, and then kicked me out the front door.
Animals
Visiting a pet shop, Bill was amazed by a bird that spoke fluently in eight languages. Paying a hefty sum for the bird, he asked to have it delivered to his house. When he got home he asked his wife if it had arrived.
Yes,
she replied. It’s in the oven for dinner.
In the oven!
Bill shouted. That bird can speak eight languages!
Then why didn’t it say something?
his wife retorted.
Mama skunk was worried because she never could keep track of her two children, In and Out. Whenever In was in, Out was out, and if Out was in, In was out. One day she called Out in to her and told him to go out and bring In in. So Out went out and in no time at all he brought In in.
Wonderful!
said Mama Skunk. How did you find In in so short a time?
Easy,
said Out. In stinct.
Artists
Artist: Whatever success I have had, I owe it all to the telephone.
Friend: Why is that?
Artist: Because every time someone put me on hold, I practiced drawing on a pad.
Struggling artist: Someday people will look up at this studio and say, Cobalt, the artist, used to paint there.
Landlord: If you don’t pay me the rent tonight, they’ll be saying that tomorrow.
Automobiles
The decrepit old car drove up to the toll bridge. Fifty cents,
said the toll keeper.
Sold!
said the driver.
Baldness
Customer: Does a man with as little hair as I’ve got have to pay full price to have it cut?
Barber: Yes, and sometimes more. We usually charge double when we have to hunt for the hair.
Small boy in barber’s chair: I want my hair cut like my daddy’s—with a hole in the middle.
Children
Small Bobby had been to a birthday party. Knowing his weakness, his mother looked him straight in the eye and said, I hope you didn’t ask for a second piece of cake.
No,
replied Bobby. "I just asked