Beyond Soul Mates by Cyndi Dale - Read Online
Beyond Soul Mates
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Whether you are seeking someone new or transforming an existing relationship, Beyond Soul Mates will show you how to love with the truest, most enlightened part of yourself. Because of the cycle of karma, soul-mate relationships are often fraught with predictable problems. But true-mate relationships engage our higher selves, inviting us to manifest and express our sacredness. Only when you connect your true self with the true self of another will your longing for intimacy and union be fully satisfied.

Join renowned author and energy healer Cyndi Dale as she guides you from the often-turbulent waters of soul-mate relationships into the calm, peaceful, and refreshing waters of true-self relationships—and true love. Attract your true mate or re-ignite the flame of true love in your current relationship. Find a renewed sense of peace and harmony even in your nonromantic relationships. With practical guidance and inspiring real-life stories from her clients, Beyond Soul Mates is a down-to-earth guide filled with deep wisdom and profound inspiration. 

Published: Llewellyn Worldwide on
ISBN: 9780738735498
List price: $15.99
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A True-Love Personal Ad

A small boy looked at a star and began to weep.

The star said, Boy, why are you weeping? And the boy said, You are so far away, I will never be able to touch you. And the star answered, Boy, if I were not already in your heart, you would not be able to see me.

John Magliola

Dan, a young man in my class on energy healing, was well educated, interesting, and attractive. He seemed like a man who would have found his ideal romantic partner long ago. That’s why I was startled when he asked if he would ever meet his soul mate, the life companion he yearned for.

How long has it been since you’ve had a relationship? I asked.

A few years, he replied.

Others in the class began to chime in.

"It’s been several years since I was actually fulfilled in a relationship, shared one woman, even though I’ve had several short relationships in the last few years."

When I asked her to tell me more, she became visibly upset.

The truth is that I know I was with my soul mate, then we broke up. I don’t know if I can ever find anyone like him again, especially if he was my only soul mate.

I meet a lot of women, complained another man. None of them have that zing that suggests them as my soul mate.

My students unveiled story after story about their love lives or lack thereof. Those on the hunt were clear about being so. Those who had lost in love had fallen into hopelessness. Those who were unhappily partnered wondered if they had simply chosen wrong or if they were not doing something right.

Dan and the others in my class weren’t any different than most of the thousands of people who consult with me annually through my intuitive healing practice, seeking love through relationship. I’ve conducted over 35,000 client sessions in twenty-five years, delivering energy healing and intuitive consulting in person and over the phone. In addition, I’ve trained thousands of people in energy and spiritual healing around the world. In the course of my work I’ve heard life stories and responded to pressing questions from men, women, and youngsters. I’ve listened to heartfelt queries from locales as far-flung as Wales, Russia, Africa, and Poughkeepsie, New York. I’ve focused on a wide variety of issues, including death and dying, addictions and disease, finances and career. Yet there is one subject that has emerged as the most popular and important for almost everyone: relationships, the desire for true love—a love in which we can show the truth of who we are.

No matter what comprises the details of the individual stories, the sentiment is the same: everyone is yearning for a soul mate. This dream, this desire, has prompted me to search the annals of philosophers, metaphysicians, self-help gurus, therapists, and even scientists in order to provide a framework for self and other and the sometimes all-consuming hope for what we traditionally call a soul mate. This book is the synthesis of this deep research, the wisdom drawn from my clients, and observations I’ve made about what works—and what does not work. It is a path through the yearning that might help us all realize love—not necessarily the soul mate we think we are searching for, but an experience of a love that is true.

The Romance of Soul Mates

We’re all looking for a true love partner. We’re all tired of feeling disconnected. We long for union. We have a compelling desire for closeness, for intimacy.

We also want that feeling of being unconditionally accepted, even when we’re having a bad hair, shoe, or work day—or month, for that matter. We long to be seen, really seen, by that true love whose x-ray vision peers right into our soul. And we want someone to trust us enough to take off their armor and let us climb inside.

Many people think that there is one particular, special person who can do and be all of these things for us—one, and perhaps only one, person who can make us happy: our soul mate.

We’ve only to look at Internet personal ads to see how prevalent the concept of soul mates is these days and how important it is to people:

Looking for your soul mate? Look no further!

Seeking my soul mate, my predestined life companion.

If you aren’t my soul mate, don’t even bother.

Soul mate has become a ubiquitous term that almost everyone uses to mean a romantic partner with whom they share a spiritual, extraordinary connection. But the nuances of this partnership vary.

Some people use soul mate to mean one who literally has the other half of their soul—the other half of their fractured self without which they will never be complete. These two half-souls were once the same being until they were torn asunder, and they won’t be or feel whole until the two people who embody them meet again and weave them together. Others see a soul mate as the one person who is meant for them and them alone, either in this lifetime or again and again across several lifetimes.

Many philosophers, poets, and matchmakers believe in marriages made in heaven and only then brought to earth. Before you were born, the Divine matched you with your singular other, encircling your two hearts in a way that could only find fulfillment when golden rings are placed on your fingers. To make a mistake in deciphering your romantic destiny is to condemn yourself and all others involved to a less than sacred union. To overlook the love that is looking for you is surely to evoke God’s displeasure. You are destined (or doomed) to search for this partner until you can be joined on earth as you were in heaven.

Or perhaps the Divine wasn’t involved. Instead, in one particular lifetime ago, you once shared a great love. Travel in reverse through your personal reincarnation history, and you’ll find yourself in a different era, your heart beating wildly but in perfect rhythm with the soul of the one who would become your eternal beloved, your companion across the ages. You were so enraptured that first time that you promised yourselves to each other not just until death do you part, but for all eternity. For every incarnation, every time around, you vowed to reappear and reawaken an inexplicable urge to again find this perfect someone.

Almost everyone I’ve ever met is searching for or wondering about the other half of their heart, the past-life lover, or the mate married in heaven. Maybe that’s because nearly every culture across time has advocated a soul-mate ideal.

The ancient Greek philosopher Plato relayed the comic playwright Aristophanes’s depiction of the first humans, who each had four arms, legs, and ears and two faces and sets of genitalia. Some humans were all male, others were all female, and others were a mix. So mighty were these humans that the gods found them arrogant, and Zeus, the leader of the gods, split them into two. Since then we humans have been condemned to yearn for our other half, without which we are incomplete. Our attraction to men or women—heterosexual or homosexual relationships—depends on what our original state was.¹

According to the Midrash theory, the Jewish Torah tells us that God created Adam as two-faced, then cut him into male and female; hence our yearning for the other part of ourselves.² Classical rabbinic literature shares more about the story, explaining that marriage is the vehicle for rejoining the two halves of the whole. Literally, a marriage is made in heaven forty days before our birth, at which time God selects our perfect complement. This partner is called our bashert, which means destiny. By definition, our spouse is a bashert regardless of the happiness of a marriage; however, God can also arrange a second marriage according to our personal needs and merits.³

Jesus quoted the Torah, which tells us that God (the source of both male and female) originally created a single human being from which the other was fashioned. Some in the Jewish tradition believed this original human, Adam, was androgynous; others depicted Adam as both male and female. Because we are now split into two genders, however, each of us, man and woman, should eventually leave our parents and be made one flesh.

In the Hindu tradition, the rishis, or wise ones, are said to have imparted the true story of creation: once there was a higher universal soul. Becoming conscious of itself, it felt lonely until it recognized that it had itself. In order to provide itself companionship, it created male and female parts of itself. We are the beings born of the reuniting of the male and female aspects of this universal soul.⁵

No matter what the story, the most common message is that we are incomplete without our soul mate. This person is our other half, the other side of the coin, the reason for our being. Unfortunately, this collective and personal preoccupation with attracting or finding our soul mate leads to several problems.

First and foremost is the fear that, lacking this special person, we’ll never be happy. In other words, without them, our deeper relational needs will never be satisfied. That fear leads us on a desperate, compulsive search: where is our other half? Where is our predestined partner? How do we find or attract this beloved? And if we don’t easily find them, other fears arise: does this soul mate really exist? And if so, can we even do anything to find them? Or are we at the mercy of some unseen story line, forced to wait and hope and worry until fate decides it’s time to bring us together?

Yes, the very idea of having a soul mate can cause more despair than hope. It often leaves us feeling haunted by the shadows of what our lovers could or should be. Maybe we wonder if we’ve already met our soul mate but somehow let him or her slip through our fingers. Or maybe we’re in a relationship that doesn’t feel like standard soul-mate material. If the person we’re with is the one, then why doesn’t our relationship feel, well, more special? And if our relationship with them doesn’t feel special, does that mean our partner isn’t, in fact, the one—that our eternal beloved is still out there somewhere, waiting to be reunited with us?

The real problem is that people don’t understand what soul mates really are. The truth is, our compelling desire for true love likely will never be met if we search for a soul mate. To seek our perfect match amongst those with whom we share only a soul bond is a misguided mission. It’s like jimmying open a jack-in-the-box instead of an oyster to find a pearl.

Beyond Soul Mates

Don’t get me wrong—I’m not dismissing our yearning for a true love and a life mate. There is a reason we are born with this yearning and the sense that true love is our birthright. Embedded within our mind and seeded within our heart is the knowledge that there is someone—or at least a type of someone—with whom we can feel fulfilled. Within each of our hearts is a memory, a hint, a promise of true love.

But instead of trying to find true love by searching for a soul mate, we have to devote ourselves to a very different quest. If we want the real thing, we have to be willing to open to a very different type of relationship. If you want true love, you need what I call a true mate.

What exactly do I mean by that? What’s the difference between a soul mate and a true mate?

First, let me define the term soul for you: our soul is the wonderful, vital part of us that incarnates lifetime after lifetime and incurs experience after experience in order to learn about love and evolve consciously. Almost all beings—including many animals, plants, and planets—have consciousness, but many also have a soul, a kernel of selfhood that operates independent of other forces. It is the soul that makes a conscious being unique and singular. Throughout our lifetimes, we naturally connect with many different souls. A soul mate, then, is simply a being whose soul is connected to our own soul. This definition means that almost everyone in your life, even your pet, is probably a soul mate. I count among my soul mates my sons, parents, deceased grandparents, good friends, and even Lucky the dog and Max the guinea pig. Because real soul mates may or may not be lovers or spouses, a better term for those we have soul connections with is soul partners. For the purposes of this book, I’ll use the term soul mates to mean a soul partner with whom we have a romantic relationship.

soul: the vital part of us that incarnates lifetime after lifetime and incurs experiences in order to learn about

love and evolve consciously

soul relationship: a soul-to-soul connection between two beings

soul partners: any beings with whom we

have a soul-to-soul connection

soul mates: beings with whom we have a soul-to-soul connection that manifests on earth as a romantic relationship (thus, a soul mate is a specific type of soul partner, but not all soul partners qualify as soul mates)

In these soul-to-soul relationships, there tends to be a sense of familiarity, an affinity that draws us to one another, and in chapter 1, we’ll discover why. There is nothing wrong with marrying or mating with a soul partner or surrounding yourself with dozens of soul partners. But just because our soul is linked to another’s does not mean we experience stellar relationships with them, romantic or otherwise; there are different kinds of soul connections. By nature, most soul relationships only assist us in learning certain spiritual lessons or developing ourselves in certain ways, which means that these relationships are limited in their scope. And that’s okay!

Now let me tell you something many people don’t know: in addition to our soul, there is another part of us—our vibrant essence—which bypasses the challenging and often wounding lessons of life in favor of a more gentle love. I call this part of us our true self.

Our true self is the entirety of who we are from a spiritual point of view. It is us as a spark of the Divine, a reflection of the All, a spiritual essence made of truth, love, and light. It has been called our spirit, essence, real self, higher self, or true self. Our soul is a smaller component of our overall true self, or spirit, and represents the part of us that moves through time and space, gathering experience.

The main difference between our true self and our soul is this: our true self knows it’s completely connected to the Divine, or Source. Because of this, it can’t be injured. The Source can heal it before a wound can even set in. Our soul, however, often believes itself disconnected from the Divine. Consequently, it might not turn to the Source for healing and guidance and can incur wounds that can be carried forward in time. It makes sense that relationships emanating from our true self are usually healthier and more whole than those that are established mainly through our soul.

How popular is the belief that there are two selves, unified but different—a true self and a soul self? I’ve visited several countries and worked with their healers, who speak of an immortal and universal self as well as the soul, or the experiential self. Many cultures—including the Hebraic, Christian, Muslim, Sufi, Hawaiian, Cherokee, Egyptian, and others—explain this distinction with a story like that in Genesis, in which both the angelic beings and humans experienced a fall from grace. Before the fall, we knew ourselves to be in unity with God. After the fall, we turned our faces from the Divine, most likely because of shame. This wounded self, which I call the soul self, is the one that believes it must climb back up to the heavens. Our true self might assert that we are already there but need to embrace it more thoroughly. No matter what semantics we use or mythology we explore, there is a seemingly universal belief in a pure self and a