Grid Down Perceptions of Reality: part 3, #2

Chapter 1

Hope Springs Eternal

Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.

~Desmond Tutu

Maria sat on the porch swing, looking up at the black velvet sky sprinkled with blurry twinkling glitter. That was how Amanda always described the stars in the night sky. She said her mother told her that God had sprinkled the dark in the heavens with glitter so we would always have His divine light to guide us. He gave us the sun for the daytime and the moon and twinkling stars at night.

Even thoughts of Amanda and the cute things she came up with couldn’t make Maria stop crying. She had been crying for two days now and couldn’t seem to stop, no matter what she did or thought. It was like her tear ducts didn’t take orders from her mind or body anymore and they had an independent mind of their own. She felt numb to everything, except for the burning pain in her chest where her heart used to be.

Mark was so much a part of her that it felt like some demon her grandmother used to tell her about had ripped her soul out of her body along with her heart. The future stretched out before her as a long barren road to be walked alone now. She still had trouble believing this could have happened. She thought she had already faced and survived the worst that the world had to offer. She was wrong about that, so very wrong. This was complete hell. Nothing that had happened to her before could have prepared her to deal with this devastating loss.

She prayed that Mark had been knocked out, or was already dead from a rock or whatever, before he went over the cliff in the rockslide. She couldn’t stand the thought of him being in pain or suffering as he tumbled down to the ground or the sheer terror of being buried alive in the tons of rocks that followed them over the cliff. She squeezed her eyes tightly closed and shivered at the thought of it all. She wasn’t sure if she was going to, or even wanted to make it through this. What was the use of living with a burning hole in her chest and no way for it to ever heal? The future looked very dark and cold without him. Why go on? That was the question that kept going through her mind. Did she even want to try to go on without him?

She felt a feather of a touch on her arm, almost like you would imagine what bird feathers would feel like as they brushed lightly across your arm. She jumped in surprise. Amanda was standing there with her hand on her arm and said, Don’t cry Mommy. You don’t need to worry. Daddy Mark and Mr. Gunner will be home tomorrow. I’ll stay with you so you won’t be lonely.

Amanda then climbed up on her lap, put her arms around her neck and laying her head on Maria’s shoulder, promptly falling asleep. Maria sat in stunned silence for several minutes, trying to absorb not only what Amanda had just said so matter-of-factly, but that Amanda had a soft glow about her, kind of like she was lit up from the inside; the kind of glow that her grandmother used to tell her angels had. A shiver traveled down her spine.

She took a deep breath and then stood up, adjusting Amanda for a firmer grip so she wouldn’t drop her, and walked inside the cabin. She took Amanda back to her room and laid her gently down on the bed, pulling the blanket over her again. She kissed her cheek and smoothed her hair down away from her face. Amanda wasn’t glowing now.

She stood there in the dark just watching her sleep for a long time, deep in thought. Maybe Amanda didn’t really say what she thought she heard; maybe she was losing her mind.

Maria made her way quickly over to the clinic. The place was dimly lit when she walked inside. She continued walking quietly down the hallway, passing a nurse writing something at the desk there. She signaled that she was going through to the patient’s rooms and the nurse nodded that she understood. Someone had told her the nurse’s name, but she couldn’t remember what it was. She really hadn’t been paying much attention at the time.

She peeked into Abby’s room and they were all asleep. Abby was holding the baby in her arms, with the rail to the bed up on the side where the baby was. Alan was asleep in the chair. The baby was making little sucking sounds in its sleep.

She stepped back and continued walking down to Eric’s room. She knew Lisa would be there. Lisa hadn’t left Eric’s side since he had been brought in. Channon and Hope were staying the night at Lisa and Eric’s cabin to take care of the kids. Maria had not been in any shape to care for them. The whole group was in shock at losing Mark and possibly Eric too.

She walked into Eric’s room and Lisa was holding Eric’s hand, sitting in a chair right by the bed. She turned and looked at Maria when she walked in. Maria motioned for her to come outside the room. Lisa kissed Eric’s hand, then placed it under the covers and stood up, following Maria out into the hall. Lisa noticed right away that Maria wasn’t crying. She wasn’t sure what was up, but Maria had a weird expression on her face.

How is he? Maria asked.

His fever keeps spiking up into the danger zone and we have to cool his body down, but Dr. Anderson said he is starting to fight the fever. The biggest problem is the lump on his head. He still hasn’t woken up. I wish he would just wake up. She paused. How are you holding up?

I think I’m finally losing it, Maria answered.

Lisa looked at her intensely. What do you mean?

Maria took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I was sitting in the swing on your front porch because I just… I just can’t go into my cabin just yet. Lisa nodded her understanding about that. I was just sitting there crying and trying to decide if I wanted to go on without him… without Mark…

Before she could continue, Lisa grabbed her, wrapped her arms around her and held her tight. Don’t you ever say that again Maria or I will kick your butt. Do you hear me? Maria didn’t say anything to that and Lisa backed up a step, holding her at arm’s length. I mean it too. I know we are not Mark, but we can’t live without you, especially now that Eric is injured. Please tell me that you aren’t going to do anything like that. I couldn’t stand it.

Maria just stared at her silently. Tears blurred her vision and then rolled down her cheeks. Lisa whispered, stricken with fear and worry.

Please tell me you aren’t going to leave me too.

Maria sighed. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to go on without him.

Lisa pulled her close again, hugging her, saying more softly, We are here for you. We love you. We will do it together. You are not alone in this.

Maria just held her tightly and then whispered, That isn’t what I wanted to talk about.

Lisa let go of her reluctantly, then wiped the tears off her cheeks. Okay, what did you want to talk about?

Maria hesitated a few moments, and then related what had happened when Amanda had come out to the porch.

Lisa said, Don’t worry. It is just the way her young mind is coping with all of this.

Maria didn’t say anything for a few moments trying to make sense of her feelings. Amanda seemed to glow when she came to me and when she climbed onto my lap I could feel familiar comforting warmth begin to engulf me, she paused to find the right words. It’s like she was God. Do you think she is talking to God?

Lisa sighed, rubbing her face with both hands, giving her time to decide how to answer that question. Maria had so much pain in her eyes, with just a hint of hope thrown in. How do I answer that? She thought. Oh God, should I give her hope, or tell her she needs to accept Mark’s death and go on? She took the easy route of answering the question. She said, Well, maybe. I guess. We will know for sure one way or the other tomorrow.

Maria studied her friends face and thought sadly that she didn’t really believe it, and was just being a good supportive friend with her answer.

* * *

Pain was the first sensation that faintly registered. Mark felt like someone had kicked the shit out of him. Maybe someone beat him up with a baseball bat, or maybe he got run over by a truck; a very big truck. Each second that ticked by, the clearer the sensation of pain was. The pain was especially strong in his right leg. He tried to ignore it and go back to sleep. It wasn’t working. Now he became aware that he was very thirsty. He tried to ignore that too. He wondered what the hell had happened.

He decided to move his right leg a little, to see if he could lessen the pain in it, and screamed when he tried. He almost passed out and broke out in a cold sweat. It took a few minutes of resting and not moving to get the pain a little under control. He finally realized that he was lying on the ground in the sunshine and his whole body was now wet with sweat. He cracked his eyes open a little and was blinded by the sun. This was going to take a while. After several minutes he was able to get his eyes all the way open to look around. He was lying on his back on a ledge and he could see straight up the mountain for about twenty feet.

He looked around the ledge he was on and noticed someone was lying about ten feet away from him, among the rocks and dirt. The body was facing away from him, lying completely still and covered in gray dust, with pebbles and rocks on the person’s back.

Where the hell am I? What happened? He slowly moved a little at a time towards the person lying so still, but he had to stop to catch his breath every few minutes and let the pain recede down to manageable proportions. He was hot, but shivered in the sun as his body broke out in a clammy sweat.

He made it about halfway and realized he wasn’t going to make it over to the person lying there. His strength was spent. He fell down hard on his back again, shaking he tried to lift his arms, but they wouldn’t obey his command. His chest was heaving, trying to take in oxygen and he drifted off again for a while.

He woke up and retched to the side. A small mouthful of bile came out, scalding his throat and mouth. His mouth and throat burned and he wished he had some water to get rid of the bitter taste left behind. He looked around and his vision was blurry and doubled. Laying back, he tried to gain some strength. Every time he moved or opened his eyes, his stomach rolled with nausea. The sun felt good and warm and if he didn’t move or breathe too deeply, the pain wasn’t so severe. If he didn’t need a drink so badly, he would almost be content to stay right where he was.

He blinked his eyes and looked around, but he couldn’t see anything; something woke him up. He listened for a while and then heard thunder rolling around, echoing. It was too dark to see anything but it sounded like there was a hell of a storm going on straight up on top of the mountain. He closed his eyes because all he could see was pitch black everywhere he looked. He couldn’t even see the hand he brought up in front of his face. I sure hope it rains soon! He was really thirsty as he drifted off to sleep again.

He blinked at the bright sun shining straight down on him, making him sweat. He turned his head so he could see where he was. His tongue felt thick and dry in his mouth. He tried to swallow, to bring some moisture into his mouth, but coughed instead. Oh God, that hurt. Laying really still, he evened out his breathing to help ease the pain. He hurt everywhere. He tasted blood and moved his tongue to lick his lips, to grab the moisture. His lips were cracked and bleeding. What the hell happened?

He opened his eyes again, looking around to see what woke him and he heard it again. It sounded like a watermelon hitting something, then bursting open in a big thunk and squishing noise. He heard it again, then again. What the hell? He looked around as much as he could and saw several things pass quickly by. It looked like people were… what? Falling through the ground? Flying through the ground? What the hell?

He looked up and realized he had seen this before. Studying the scene for a while, he tried to remember where he had seen it. He had woken up several times in pain. Yeah, that was it. Now he remembered, but why? Why was he in pain? He looked the other way away from the people falling from up higher. Many bodies had gone past him as he lay there thinking. This just wasn’t right, something was horribly wrong.

He looked closer at where he was. Someone was lying not too far from him, and he had been trying to move over closer to the person. He remembered now. He must know who was lying there. Another squishy sound brought his attention back to the falling or flying people. This wasn’t right. Something was very wrong with all of this. This couldn’t be real. People didn’t fly.

Then, he suddenly remembered everything; who he was, who the man next to him was and how they got there.

He and Bert had gone over the side of the mountain in a rockslide. He jerked his head towards Bert. He couldn’t tell if he was breathing or not. More squishy sounds and thunks brought his attention back to the people going by. He noticed a lot of blood and their eyes were glassy and dead looking. Smiling, he thought they must have killed a lot of the enemy. They had done it! He smiled again, even though it hurt like hell. They had really done it. He kept smiling, not even noticing that his cracked dry lips were bleeding again.

He heard some voices and shouts from up above. He was just about to try and yell to get their attention, when a thought struck him. What if it wasn’t over and the enemy was just clearing the diseased dead bodies over the side? If he yelled and it was the enemy doing this, they could just lean over and shoot him and Bert and finish what the rockslide started. By some miracle they had landed on a ledge and not gone down the mountain with the rocks. He needed to think before doing anything.

More talking and laughter echoed around the mountains. The enemy wouldn’t be laughing, right? Well, maybe if they won. That was something he was going to have to figure out and fast. If it was the enemy up there, they were better off down here out of sight, but what if it wasn’t the enemy? Now that was the question; if he didn’t speak up, they could die down here and no one would be aware of that fact. He strained to listen so he could figure out who was up there. He listened for a while. It still wasn’t clear which side had won, but he had made up his mind. He was going to call for help and if it was the enemy up there, he would rather get shot and get it over with now because he didn’t look forward to dying of thirst and hunger. Whichever way this turned out, he and Bert would be better off than they were right now.

* * *

Maria sighed. Amanda had been determined this morning to go see Eric right now. She had put it off as long as she could. She drove the truck over to the clinic. Amanda turned to look at her and smiled real big. My other daddy Mark will be back real soon. You don’t have to be worried anymore.

Maria looked sharply at Amanda. Okay, honey. That would be great. She had decided to follow Lisa’s advice. Today would either produce Mark, or it wouldn’t. She felt a hitch in her breathing. She briefly closed her eyes and whispered. Please. Just, please show up alive.

Amanda nodded her head, making her ponytail fly about her face like a horse’s tail, swishing back and forth. They reached the clinic and went inside. Amanda usually spent a few hours a day sitting beside Eric on his hospital bed, talking a mile a minute, telling him everything that happened, or at least her version of events.

When they reached Eric’s room, Amanda ran and jumped into Lisa’s arms, smiling. She patted her face softly. She stated with complete conviction, My other daddy Mark will be here real soon.

Lisa glanced at Maria quickly. Maria shrugged her shoulders as if to say, this is what I was talking about. Lisa kissed her cheek as she sat her down on the bed next to Eric. I hope so, Amanda. I really do hope so.

Amanda grabbed Eric’s hand and started chatting away. Chris and Ryan were seated on the other side of the bed. Chris stood up and looked at Ryan who had tears welling in his eyes and took his hand.

Chris said, We’re going to go get some breakfast.

Lisa nodded her head at them. After they walked out the door, Lisa nodded to Maria and they went out too. Lisa turned to Maria. Now I understand your concern. What will happen if Mark doesn’t show up? I want to believe her too, but no one could survive a fall like that with hundreds of tons of rocks on top of them. I’m concerned that this might do some real bad psychological damage to Amanda when he doesn’t show up. God, I wish I knew how to handle this.

Maria sighed too. I don’t know what to do either.

Both women turned to look down the hallway at the sound of someone hurriedly approaching. A nurse jogged up to them with a smile and Maria remembered her name now. It was Gretchen.

Come with me quickly, she said as she turned and hurried back down the hall. Both women exchanged a surprised look and they turned and followed after her.

They went into the front of the clinic and saw the two nurses and Dr. Anderson standing there. Dr. Anderson walked over to them, reached out and put his hand under Maria’s elbow and stepped close to her looking very serious. Maria began to shake and Lisa quickly grabbed her other arm.

I just got word that Mark and Bert have been found. Maria uttered a cry and her knees bent as she started to fall to the ground but the two of them held her up. I don’t know what shape they are in yet, but Mark is the one who called for help.

Maria burst into relieved tears and sobbed loudly. They steered her towards a chair and sat her down. Amanda walked up, smiling, and hugged her. Daddy Mark is here. He will be alright now. Before anyone could say anything, the door opened and several men carried Mark and Bert inside on stretchers. Dr. Anderson led the way to take them to where he could examine them. Mark opened his eyes and saw Maria sitting in a chair as he floated by. He whispered her name. Her head whipped up and she was by his side before he could blink. The men carrying him stopped.

Mark, oh my God. I thought you were dead.

Weakly he replied, It will take more than a mountain to take me out. Hysterical laughter burst out of Maria and Lisa.

Amanda smiled patting his arm. I knew you would be back today.

Mark looked at her strangely, he didn’t know what to say to her, and then Dr. Anderson yelled for the men to get Mark back there. The procession followed them to an exam room. Dr. Anderson shooed everyone out of the room but a nurse. Maria was reluctant to leave Mark’s side.

This will go a lot faster if you leave. I promise, the minute I am finished you can come back in.

Maria looked at Mark beseechingly. He whispered, Go. It’s okay.

She nodded her head and wiped her eyes. When she turned around she grabbed a surprised Dr. Anderson and hugged him. Miracles do happen, she whispered as the good doctor blushed.

Maria paced in the hallway, waiting. It was obvious that she was totally stunned; Lisa, Chris and Ryan joined her there. They reached out and grabbed each other, crying happy tears.

I can’t believe it.

Me either.

This is a real honest to goodness miracle.

What I want to know is how did Amanda know this? Both women silently contemplated.

Amanda talks to God, Ryan said without hesitation. Maria looked at Ryan realizing that he had been just as devastated as she was and reached over to hug him.

I don’t care how she did it. I’m just happy she was right, she said as she hugged Ryan tight.

Lisa stared at them uneasily. Right, I agree. The how doesn’t really matter I guess.

Mark had many injuries and some were serious, but they would heal. He would be released five days later but he would still need some home care. He had a concussion; he had broken his left wrist and had a cast on it. There were many stitches in the back of his head for several deep wounds and more stitches on a long cut on his face which went under his left eye all the way down to his chin. Many other cuts on his face and body required stitching too. In his fall, he had wrenched his neck and was in a brace and he had a large slice down the back of his right arm and one diagonally on his back that required many stitches also. His chest was bandaged tight because he had several fractured ribs and he had sprained his left ankle really bad and it was wrapped in a thick bandage. The knee on his right leg had been twisted and swelled up to almost twice its normal size, and where he didn’t have stiches he had scrapes all over. He would be able to walk with crutches later on, after his right arm and left wrist healed, but he was just glad to be alive.

No one complained, least of all him. All that mattered was that he was alive and would be well again, in time. The cuts on his face, the back of his arm and back would heal but leave large scars and everyone was amazed he did not have more broken bones. Dr. Anderson mentioned it was probably because he had been knocked out before he hit the ledge. Dr. Anderson had stopped counting the stitches after hitting one hundred and he hadn’t even been done with Mark’s head yet.

Bert was in pretty bad shape too; he had a broken pelvis, broken leg and a broken arm, along with several fractured ribs and numerous cuts and scrapes. He also had a concussion. Even though he would heal, it was going to be a long while until he could be up