Green Jean Humor: Volumes 31-34
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About this ebook
This anthology contains volumes 31-34 of the humor and satire zine, Green Jean Humor.
Andrew Bushard
Find empowerment through the First Amendment here:We leverage freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom of assembly, freedom of religion, and freedom to petition the government for a redress of grievances (the First Amendment) to empower youWe leverage creativity and inspiration to empower youWe leverage presentations, talks, mp3s, and videos to empower youWe leverage movies, DVDs, internet videos, and video games to empower youWe leverage integrity, understanding, diligence, and maverickism to empower you
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Green Jean Humor - Andrew Bushard
Green Jean Humor:
Volumes 31-34
©2015
Andrew Bushard
Green Jean Humour
Volume 31
By Andrew Bushard
You may have heard about Strippers For Jesus
on some of those older talk shows, but have you ever heard about Prostitutes for Jesus? They are new.
They are using the act of prostitution to spread the word of Jesus.
Beautiful women demand that their clients accept Jesus before they engage in intercourse. That why the orgasm can be a Jesus orgasm.
If you want sex with them, you must have accept Christ as your personal lord and savior. When you do so, you will have double the excitement.
Some of you may be critical of this unorthodox outreach method, but remember as the bible says The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Announcing John Madden's all time greatest NFL player
Lou Trombone, Middle Linebacker for the St. Louis has the toughness John Madden loves. On Friday practice, he was paralyzed from the neck down. At the hospital, he did some recovering and he was on the field starting for the afternoon game on Sunday. Not only that, He did no bellyaching. I have heard more bellyaching from some players with paper cuts. You can't beat this type of toughness
We found Bin Laden, everyone!
He pulled a Sara Jane Olsen!
Interview from his neighbors in Pueblo, Colorado:
Joe Milton: Although he looked alot like Bin Laden, I never figured it was him
Sally Halderdash: He fooled everyone. He was very dedicated to the local synagogue, him of all people seemed to be unlikely to be a terrorist
Amanda Timberworth: He was friendly. I never thought someone friendly could head al-qaeda. Now, I tremble to think he was my next door neighbor.
Luke Glogstein: He was such a devoted family man. He played with his kids all the time, when he was not at the synagogue.
Shelly Blogmire: Terrorists lurk everywhere, I guess. He really is slick, if we was able to hide for 1 1/2 months in our cozy suburb in Pueblo.
Bin Laden is captured. He thought he was smart following Sara Jane Olsen's lead, but we caught him. Remember, Don't do the time, if you can't do the time. Let's just hope he doesn't get a lenient judge which just gives him a year or two probation.
Forget holocaust denial
I am starting a new trend.
I am a Y2K revisionist.
The myth of Y2K causing epic problems did not happen. This is very true. I seek to prove this is the case. Below is a series of pamphlets you can order through the Institute for Y2K Revisionism
J34536 Y2K Did Not Occur
G56435 Y2K is a Foolish Prediction
Y683523 The History Books are Lying to You about Y2K
T58687 Become a Y2K Denier Today
H4532 Believing that Y2K Happened is for Suckers!
P04596 Y2K is a Plutocratic Plot
W4567 Y2K is a Lie, Society is Still Alive
U95312 Y2K is Believed for the Advancement of Special Interests
I0356321 Believing that Y2K Happened Will Not Liberate
J923566 Anti Y2K Jokes and Riddles
T45765 Ad Hominem Attacks Against Those Who Believe in Y2K
M35214 Y2K is Garbage
Teen Committed Suicide (AP)
In Ann Arbor, MI, a tragedy occurred. Dale McHam, 16, of 14 W. Windsor tragically took his life Sunday morning.
Police and medical professionals found disturbing evidence of corrupting influences on Dale's impressionable mind.
Neighbors were baffled That boy was so interested in politics, we never expected him to kill himself. Sad, sad, sad.
Police found a prodigious amount of Rush Limbaugh books, newsletters, audio tapes, posters and videos in the youth's room.
Most scary of all was the telling suicide note, written by the late youth.
Dear Mom and Dad:
I just had to take my life. Rush Limbaugh's material told me to do it. It is all Rush Limbaugh's fault. Rush Limbaugh made me do it. Have a good day.
Dale.
Just like Judas Priest, Rush Limbaugh is being sued for his works. The family is taking Rush Limbaugh to both criminal and civil court to avenge the death of their poor innocent son. All are welcome to attend
announcement:
Left handers are the most oppressed group on the face of the earth.
Thus it behooves you to engage in activism on their behalf.
The whole world hates the poor left handers. No one, not blacks, not Jews, not even (smokers) have it worse than the left handers.
If someone is screwed over, folks say You're left out!
If someone has a strange idea, folks say He's out in left field.
This anti left hander oppression absolutely must stop!
When people say some matter is correct, they say You're right!
. This must be very exploitative for left handers to hear constantly!
When blacks or Jews try to establish equal footing with the rest of society, they demand rights
. Why not lefts? When they are demanding rights, they are thus exploiting the poor left handers.
Stop everything else that you are doing and become a part of the left hander crusade. It sure is tough to live in a world that hates and demeans your very existence. Time for left hand liberation now!
Dear Editor:
Some believe that Bush's regime might become a totalitarian or even fascist regime. Most people believe that would suck. Indeed totalitarianism