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    Fifty Shames Gone Grey: An Earl Grey Novella
    Fifty Shames Gone Grey: An Earl Grey Novella
    Fifty Shames Gone Grey: An Earl Grey Novella
    Ebook98 pages1 hour

    Fifty Shames Gone Grey: An Earl Grey Novella

    By Fanny Merkin

    3.5/5

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    About this ebook

    Zillionaire BDSM-crazed tycoon Earl Grey and his wife Anna Steal return in this follow-up companion to Fanny Merkin’s Goodreads Choice Awards-nominated parody, "Fifty Shames of Earl Grey."

    Earl Grey’s wife disappears on their fifth wedding anniversary. He quickly becomes the prime suspect, leaving him with no friends except for his twin sister, Goonie. Can movie star Tyler Perry help him find his wife...or is she just gone, girl?

    And in the bonus short story “An Earl Grey Christmas,” Anna searches a Seattle warehouse for the perfect holiday gift for her husband. What do you get the man who has everything? A BJ, of course. (That’s basketball jersey, you pervs.)

    This deluxe edition of the sequel novella also includes an author Q&A, an essay on the cultural impact of "Fifty Shades of Grey," and a gallery of Earl Grey series artwork.

    LanguageEnglish
    Publisher8th Circle Press
    Release dateFeb 2, 2015
    ISBN9781311516947
    Fifty Shames Gone Grey: An Earl Grey Novella
    Author

    Fanny Merkin

    Fanny Merkin lives in a Beverly Hills mansion purchased using the embarrassingly large advance she received for "Fifty Shames of Earl Grey." She is a former Walmart employee who writes under the pseudonym, "Andrew Shaffer," for publications as diverse as Mental Floss and Maxim.

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    • 5/5
      This was funny. Really strange and wierd, but funny.

    Book preview

    Fifty Shames Gone Grey - Fanny Merkin

    Fifty Shames Gone Grey

    Zillionaire BDSM-crazed tycoon Earl Grey and his wife Anna Steal return in this follow-up to Fanny Merkin’s Goodreads Choice Awards-nominated parody, Fifty Shames of Earl Grey.

    Earl Grey’s wife disappears on their fifth wedding anniversary. He quickly becomes the prime suspect, leaving him with no friends except for his twin sister, Goonie. Can movie star Tyler Perry help him find his wife…or is she just gone, girl?

    And in the bonus short story An Earl Grey Christmas, Anna searches a Seattle warehouse for the perfect holiday gift for her husband. What do you get the man who has everything? A BJ, of course. (That’s basketball jersey, you pervs.)

    This deluxe edition of the sequel novella also includes an author Q&A, an essay on the cultural impact of Fifty Shades of Grey, and a gallery of Earl Grey series artwork.

    "The funniest take on a bestseller since Harvard Lampoon’s Bored of the Rings." — CNBC on Fifty Shames of Earl Grey

    Bask In My Glory, Ye Mortals

    I laughed. I cried. I realized I was merely hormonal.

    Amazon reviewer on Fifty Shames Gone Grey

    "The literary equivalent of a good Saturday Night Live skit."

    The Hollywood Reporter on Fifty Shames of Earl Grey

    "I’m not even sure what happened. In that sense it was a lot like Gone Girl."

    Amazon reviewer on Fifty Shames Gone Grey

    Fifty Shames Gone Grey

    A Novella

    Fanny Merkin

    Introduction by

    Andrew Shaffer

    Dime House

    Contents

    Introduction

    Fifty Shames Gone Grey

    Fanny Merkin

    An Earl Grey Christmas

    Fanny Merkin

    Author Interview

    Andrew Shaffer

    Fifty Shades of Gold

    Andrew Shaffer

    Writing Parody and Satire

    Andrew Shaffer

    The 12 Shades of Christmas

    Andrew Shaffer

    Art Gallery

    Acknowledgments

    About the Author

    Also By Fanny Merkin

    Introduction

    Since it’s been almost a decade since Fifty Shades of Grey blew up, a refresher course is in order.

    You remember the story, even if you think you’ve blocked it out: Anastasia Steele, a college-age virgin who has never been kissed, meets Christian Grey, the 27-year-old billionaire CEO of Grey’s Enterprises Holdings. Christian is unbelievably handsome with his tousled hair and expensive body wash. He is also unbelievably kinky, and he wants to share his love of BDSM (and fine wine, and classical music, and Bruce Springsteen) with Anastasia.

    While Christian and Anastasia start out with vanilla sex acts, they gradually add spanking, bondage, riding crops, and object insertion into their repertoire. James teases the reader with an exhaustive list of sex acts and scenarios by way of a D/s contract.

    No fisting, you say. Anything else you object to? Christian asks Anastasia. Anal intercourse doesn’t exactly float my boat, she says. He responds, I’ll agree to [remove] the fisting, but I’d really like to claim your ass, Anastasia.

    Christian even attempts to prohibit Anastasia from snacking between meals and dictate how many times a week she works out (four, if you must know). As many readers have wondered, Is this BDSM or Weight Watchers?

    One thing that is never entirely clear is why Christian is so enamored with the heroine. You are the most fascinating woman I know, he tells her. Why? Literally the only things the reader learns about Anastasia is that A) she prefers tea to coffee, and B) she can distinguish $3.99 body wash from $6.99 body wash by smell.

    The most head-scratching scenes in Fifty Shades of Grey, however, involve food. Take this attempt by Anastasia to seduce Christian: Picking up a spear of asparagus, I gaze at him and bite my lip. Then very slowly put the tip of my cold asparagus in my mouth and suck. Christian’s eyes widen infinitesimally, but I notice. ‘Anastasia. What are you doing?’

    Yes, honey, what the hell are you doing?

    Readers ate this crap up. And why not? Was there any better indication that the US had finally limped out of the Great Recession than a zeitgeist novel featuring a CEO hero?

    Christian buys Anastasia a $14,000 Thomas Hardy first edition, an Audi A3, a MacBook, and a Blackberry. I will buy you lots of things, Anastasia. Get used to it. I can afford it. I’m a very wealthy man, he says. He flies her around Seattle in his helicopter and offers his private jet to her.

    When she protests that all of the gifts make her feel cheap, he responds, You’re over-thinking it, Anastasia. Don’t place some vague moral judgment on yourself based on what others might think. If I want to buy you a fucking car, I’ll buy you a fucking car.

    Who doesn’t want to be pampered like that? I’ll call you Daddy if it means a new laptop. Claim my ass, Christian! I need that 13-inch MacBook Pro with the M1 chip.

    This is all a long way of saying, of course, that Fifty Shades of Grey holds a distinct place as one of the worst-written bestsellers of all time. (The Da Vinci Code fucking rocked, by the way—there was a time when bestsellers weren’t absolute shit.)

    In fact, you could say that Fifty Shades was so terrible that it was parody-proof. At one of my

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