Getting Out of Bed in the Morning: Reflections of Comfort in Heartache
By Alice Wisler
4/5
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About this ebook
Alice Wisler
In 1997, Alice J. Wisler's four-year-old son, Daniel, died after eight months of vigorous cancer treatments. In his memory, Alice founded Daniel's House Publications, a grief organization, to help other parents cope with death. Through this organization, she created Writing the Heartache Workshops geared to help others discover the benefits of writing from losses. She travels the country speaking and teaching at grief conferences and seminars. She lives in Durham, North Carolina, with her husband and children.
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Reviews for Getting Out of Bed in the Morning
8 ratings4 reviews
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A death often makes you feel alone. GETTING OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING, Reflections of Comfort in Heartache, lets you know that others have been where you are and know your grief.Alice J. Wisler’s four-year-old son died of cancer, an unbearable sorrow for any parent. Finding the strength to keep going was not easy and she doesn’t want you to think that it is. But, she wants you to understand that there is hope, that you do possess the inner resources to wake each day and live your life, not only for the memory of the one you’ve lost, but for the friends and loved ones still surrounding you.One of the central themes comes early on: “Sorrow happens. How will we handle it? Will we ask God to come alongside and walk with us through it? Or will we continue to blame ourselves until we can barely hold our head up?” This is important. No matter what we’re facing in life, good or bad, much depends on how we react to unexpected situations. We cannot control what happens to us, but we can learn to control how we respond. Reading the book with this in mind makes it a book for everyone, not just those who are mourning. It speaks to those who have suffered a loss of any kind, such as loss of a job, health, or relationship.There are 40 sections (roughly 2 to 3 pages each) with a set structure: short Bible passage, story/wisdom from the author, reflections to ponder, a prayer, and something to do or think about “when you walk.” This makes it easy to read at least one section a day and think deeply about it.Structure is a good thing, especially for a book with a theme like this, but, for me, there were a few glitches. First, each section seemed “separate.” I didn’t notice a particular flow that moved me from point A (deep in sorrow) to point B (pulling myself up) to point C (I can get through this.) There were many, many good thoughts; I just found myself wishing there were more of a steady stream connecting the sections.Also, more than half the Bible verses were from Psalms. It would have been nice if either Wisler stuck to Psalms exclusively or gave us a wider variety altogether. It was a bit jarring to be in “Pslam-mode” most of the time and then jump somewhere else, like the New Testament. “When You Walk” is a nice idea and I absolutely applaud physical activity as a way to work through grief. But what about those who cannot get out and take a walk for whatever reason, including disability? Some alternative suggestions would have been helpful.Finally, I almost missed “Tips for Writing the Heartache” since it came after the “Resources” at the end. Writing is therapeutic and, I believe, incredibly powerful. Perhaps those ideas could have been woven throughout the book.Those minor weaknesses aside, Alice Wisler offers much wisdom and common sense in GETTING OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING. It makes a wonderful gift of support for yourself or for someone else who is struggling. I recommend it.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I am enjoying this book – more than I expected to. The author, Alice J. Wisler, lost her young son to cancer, so at first I thought I wouldn’t be able to relate to her tragic loss. But loss comes in many ways – loss of a job, relationships, home, comfort, health, and so on. I can relate and have appreciated what she’s put together for us.The author has written this in a devotional format, so each chapter is short and easy to read. There’s a scripture, a prayer (since there are many times we just don’t have the words or energy to pray) and things to think about. She also includes a short piece in each chapter she calls “When You Walk.” She encourages us to not only get out of bed, but to go for a walk. Walking is good for us for so many reasons. At first she asks us just to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, and each chapter gently nudges us to start healing and growing.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I received a copy of this book in exchange for an unbiased review.This book is beautifully written, hitting all the points of working through grief in a way that is not overly sentimental but focused on the God who daily bears our burdens. I love her reflections and prayer walking ideas. I would definitely recommend this for any one who needs to gain perspective when the journey of life seems hopeless. This woman has been through the Valley and has come through it with a depth of relationship with God that is mature and beautiful. She will mentor many through this book.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5having survived grief of a child, I found Alice's book very concise in her understanding and advice. She does know the heart of the griever and the feelings toward a god that didn't stop the death of her loved one. I did not like that her mother said in chapter 1 that she was born to suffer. What a horrible pronouncement to stick on someone. I believe we will all suffer but it does not have to doom us to a life of it. Alice, herself, has shown that it can come and it can go. That is the good news of this book.
Book preview
Getting Out of Bed in the Morning - Alice Wisler
instructors.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Acknowledgments
Preface
Introduction
SECTION ONE Sustained to Weep
One Tears as Food PSALM 42:3
Two Call It Grief JOB 17:7
Three Why Me? PSALM 13:1–2
Four That Face of Anger PSALM 69:24
Five Anger Revisited PSALM 37:8
Six Have I Been Forsaken? PSALM 56:8
Seven Rescue Me! PSALM 88:9
SECTION TWO Sustained to Nurture
Eight Gentleness Mixed with Mercy PSALM 31:9
Nine Loving Me! PSALM 139:14
Ten Adapting PSALM 13:5
Eleven Letting Go PSALM 46:10
Twelve Forgiving Myself and Others LUKE 23:34
Thirteen Renewing My Mind PHILIPPIANS 4:8
Fourteen Resting PSALM 62:5
Fifteen Our Daily Bread NUMBERS 23:19
Sixteen I Choose to Trust MATTHEW 6:25
Seventeen Laughter PSALM 126:2
Eighteen Finding Traces of Beauty PSALM 121:1
SECTION THREE Sustained to Encourage
Nineteen Being Reached JAMES 5:16
Twenty Giver of Comfort MATTHEW 5:4
Twenty-one Service to Others PROVERBS 11:25 NLT
Twenty-two Simple Actions Bring Sunlight PSALM 116:5
Twenty-three Especially for Parents ROMANS 15:5
Twenty-four No Perfect Life PROVERBS 14:30
SECTION FOUR Sustained to Thrive
Twenty-five Celebrate Life PSALM 36:5
Twenty-six God of Mystery ISAIAH 55:8
Twenty-seven God of History PSALM 136:13
Twenty-eight Gratitude! COLOSSIANS 3:16
Twenty-nine Grief as a Gift PSALM 31:7
Thirty Asking for Wisdom and Courage JAMES 1:5–6
Thirty-one Worship in the Wilderness EXODUS 7:16
Thirty-two A New Song PSALM 40:3
SECTION FIVE Sustained to Hope
Thirty-three Wait with Hope HABAKKUK 3:19
Thirty-four Waiting Again PSALM 27:14
Thirty-five Growth Charts PSALM 40:1
Thirty-six Even When It’s Bleak HABAKKUK 3:17–18
Thirty-seven Practicing Contentment PHILIPPIANS 4:11
Thirty-eight Wherever You Go GENESIS 28:15
Thirty-nine Eternal Hope 2 CORINTHIANS 5:1
Forty We Are All Pilgrims Here PSALM 39:4
Resources
What Helps You Get Up in the Morning?
Tips for Writing the Heartache
About the Author
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I owe much to many, including:
Paul Immanuel for his Sunday school class at Blacknall Memorial Presbyterian Church, The Compassionate Friends, Bereaved Parents of the USA, my agent Chip MacGregor, Leafwood Publishers for believing in this project, and those along the way who have been encouragers to me.
PREFACE
I set out to write a book about me—my anguish, my loss, my pain, my doubt, my questions. Instead I was pointed to God and wrote about His grace, His love, His faithfulness, and His forgiveness. Within those are His answers.
We often think it’s all about us—how much we suffer, how much we cry, how tormented we feel. But when we weigh all of our misery against His grace, His grace outweighs it all. God’s compassion is stronger, fiercer than our struggles, and His love more constant, radiant, and healing than any problem in our den of lions.
If you are early in your grief, you may not understand what I’m talking about. You might still be at odds with God, and while the title of this book caught your attention, as you flip through the pages, that’s all you liked. That’s okay. God meets us wherever we are and no amount of disbelief, anger, or frustration keeps Him from loving His children. It has taken me fifteen years, from the worst heartache of my life, to come to this place of comfort, this stream of beauty. And I never thought I’d be here. When my son first died, I told God that we would only communicate in passing, like a neighbor I don’t like when I see her over the fence. I almost wished I had had no past with God—no history, no conversion story—so that I didn’t have to be angry with Him for my loss. God would be distant from now on. As I learned to adapt to my heartache, I would not expect anything from Him again.
I am one who had to wrestle. Like Jacob, I did. I groaned and I fought and groaned some more. And through it all, I was surprised. What I thought I’d discarded for good, instead became a new song in my mouth. I welcomed a stronger, genuine, more realistic faith—a possession I keep within my broken heart, a gift no moth or thief can steal.
INTRODUCTION
I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.
—PSALM 3:5
It all came about with a walk one summer day in August. Up until that day I was not an avid exerciser. The summer before, I’d attempted to get into some daily heart-healthy movement with morning walks around my neighborhood. I didn’t particularly enjoy the rapid breathing or sweaty armpits, so I didn’t continue and I wasn’t bothered that I hadn’t.
But for whatever reason—perhaps it was the actual sidewalk that runs up and down Pickett Road, shaded by trees on one side—after dropping my son off at work, I decided to walk. He was fifteen, this was his first job, and it was at the Structure House in Durham, which offered a weight loss program. As my son prepped food and waited on tables for those with eating issues, I walked along the smooth sidewalks and thought of my own issues.
My own circumstances were ones that, over the years, had marked me as a person: born and raised in Japan, I was a TCK (Third Culture Kid); at age thirty-six I buried my oldest son; then it was living with a bipolar spouse, divorce, single mom-hood, and remarriage. There were others, issues I didn’t like to allude to and wanted to keep in the dark, like greed, jealously, and fear. When I finished my walk, I peeled off my Reeboks and felt proud that I had endured exercise.
The next day, I drove him to work in the afternoon and thought that if I did it yesterday, then by golly, I should try again today. Perhaps it was the allurement that there were still things to discover. So, I parked my Jeep and stepped out on the sidewalk feeling comradely with other joggers and walkers.
Walking provided me with a new way of thinking. I noticed that walking gave me some creative thoughts, and I always like to delve into creativity. I thought about endurance. And I would continue to think of it and of questions, perplexing and demanding, because that day was not my last day to walk. In fact, that week began my daily walking routine. I knew what I needed for my journey—my tennis shoes, my pink I Love New Orleans
cap, my elastic-waist black pants from Target, and my Happy Burro
T-shirt, a souvenir from a hole-in-the-wall eatery in Beatty, Nevada. My sunglasses were also essential; they hid the fact that I had no makeup on.
Getting into the habit of having a daily walking regime was not easy. I played with words like change,
struggle,
how long,
and should I keep going?
My thoughts reminded me of Psalms, the book of the Bible we were studying in my Sunday school class. Those first days, I teetered, wondering whatever caused me to have a desire to walk, to try, and whether today could be my last day to attempt this sweaty and tedious task. Each day I wrote on my calendar when I walked. The first week I walked every day. The next week it was a bit harder to be faithful to this new calling; but after clocking my time and the distance I’d walked, I realized it really wasn’t taking but thirty minutes of my day. Soon walking became a challenge I wanted to succeed in.
They say it takes thirty days to start a habit, and within thirty days, walking was the highlight of my afternoon. I increased my speed and added fifteen more minutes to my routine so that I was walking three miles each day. Sure, I liked the health benefits, and my backside even started to shrink. But what I really celebrated was what God taught me as I walked. God met me in my commitment. And, hence, I got to thinking about writing this book.
The start and commitment to my exercise was tough at