Prone To Panic
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About this ebook
Life beyond panic attacks? It does exist and author Evelyn Gaughan is determined to reach out to others by sharing her personal experience. Offering a fresh perspective on how we view mental health, Prone To Panic takes you from diagnosis to the all-important coping skills that help to manage symptoms of anxiety on a daily basis. A warm, insightful and practical guide that offers a great sense of hope and optimism to anyone experiencing anxiety and panic attacks.
Revised edition 2014.
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Prone To Panic - Evelyn Gaughan
Introduction
I first published Prone To Panic in 2005, three years after my diagnosis with Social Phobia. Following my own experience with panic attacks and anxiety, I was motivated to write the kind of book that didn’t exist at the time – a story of anxiety told in the first person.
There are lots of very helpful and informative books out there (some of which I have listed at the back of this book), but none of them had that personal story I was searching for. There is something very comforting in the knowledge that someone has already travelled down the path you are now on and that you are not going through this alone.
Dealing with anxiety can be very isolating and often the only people you can talk to about it are health professionals, which reinforces the idea that this is something to be kept private and hidden from the world. This book dispels those myths and lifts the stigma surrounding mental health. One in four people will experience mental health issues at some point in their lives, so it is okay to talk about it openly and without shame.
To celebrate the ten year anniversary of writing this book, I have launched a revised edition, Prone To Panic eBook, full of updated information and invaluable resources that I have compiled over the years and which I hope will offer hope anyone experiencing anxiety hope, insight and the constant reminder that you are not alone.
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My story
"Normality is a paved road; It’s comfortable to walk, but no flowers grown on it."
Vincent Van Gogh
I knew that something was very wrong when I found myself leaning against the wall for support and gradually sliding down it. I was in the metro station and thought that I was going to faint, so I reasoned that the best thing to do would be to get as near to the ground as possible. Breathing no longer came naturally and I had to really focus in order to get some oxygen into my lungs. My vision started to get blurry and I was, in a word, terrified. A passer by asked me if I was ok, and I surprised myself by responding that everything was perfectly fine! Despite the utter turmoil I was experiencing, I couldn’t have other people thinking I was some kind of weirdo! I had left work early that day with what seemed to be stomach cramps. At first I blamed the Chinese takeout I had for lunch, and did not make any connection between my stress levels and a baby shower I was being pressurised to attend that evening. I did not feel like going, but I could not think of any way to get out of it and my friend was someone that I found very difficult to say no to. In fact, I found it difficult to say no to anyone. Still, my feelings could not have manifested themselves into this kind of a physical reaction, could they? I really did not want to go to that baby shower!
However, this was about a year after my first ever panic attack, which took place in March 2001, but at the time I had no idea what it was. I was living in Montreal, Canada and working as an administrative assistant with a real estate company. I had recently been promoted and felt intent on proving myself as a match for the big boys in the office. Unfortunately, I was employed in a good old-fashioned male dominated office, where men were men and women made coffee! Looking back, I wonder why I didn’t just leave the company when it became clear that I wasn’t being taken seriously, but as with my personal life, I was always so intent on proving myself that I lost sight of why I was doing it.
One morning I had a meeting with my boss and some transport officials regarding a new development. I always felt a little self-conscious at these meetings as, being in Quebec, they were usually conducted in French and my accent immediately betrayed me as being the only foreigner in the room. If I was going to stand out, I wanted it to be for something exceptional like the graphics on my PowerPoint presentation, not for having a funny accent! As I sat down at the conference table in the main boardroom, I nodded and took notes as normal. Then all of a sudden I started to feel very hot. I pulled up my sleeves and swept my hair back from my face, but the flushes seemed to get worse. My mouth became dry, so I drank some water and cursed myself for wearing a woollen sweater. I wondered if anybody noticed me shifting about in my chair. Uncomfortable with the heat and realising that I was going to be in this meeting for some time, I started to get anxious. I tried to focus on the meeting, to hear what was being said, but I couldn’t concentrate. Then I noticed my heart starting to pound, faster and faster. Before I knew it, my anxiety had escalated into a full-blown panic and I was sure that if I didn’t get out of that room then and there I would faint! It was so surreal, I didn’t know what was going on but I knew I had to get out. So I quickly blurted out some excuse and fled the scene, making a break for the ladies toilets. Once I got there, I started to splash some cold water on my face and sat on the counter beside the sink. Then, as quickly as the panic had taken hold, it disappeared. My hands stopped trembling and my breathing returned to normal. I couldn’t believe it, I was sure something terrible would inevitably happen and then poof, it was gone! Well, I felt so embarrassed that I had left such an important meeting for what seemed to be