Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    Candide
    Candide
    Candide
    Ebook144 pages3 hours

    Candide

    By Voltaire

    4/5

    ()

    Switch to audiobook
    Read preview

    About this ebook

    A parody of eighteenth-century adventure-romance and a satire on Liebnizian optimism (“all is for the best in the best of all possible worlds”), Candide follows the titular hero and his tutor, Dr. Pangloss, on a series of adventures after Candide is banished by his uncle for kissing his cousin. While enduring shipwreck, earthquakes, floggings, and several brushes with death, Candide comes face to face with the realities of life and the roots of evil.

    Published in 1759, Candide is considered one of the most important works in Western literary canon. Because of its strong criticism of the Roman Catholic Church, as well as the governments of France, Prussia, England, and Portugal, the novel was almost immediately banned in some countries. In the centuries since, Candide has been plagiarized, imitated, and adapted for film, television, and opera many times.

    HarperPerennial Classics brings great works of literature to life in digital format, upholding the highest standards in ebook production and celebrating reading in all its forms. Look for more titles in the HarperPerennial Classics collection to build your digital library.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarperCollins
    Release dateJul 29, 2014
    ISBN9781443437820
    Author

    Voltaire

    Born in Paris in 1694, François-Marie Arouet, who would later go by the nom-de-plume Voltaire, was a French Enlightenment philosopher, poet, historian, and author. Voltaire’s writing was often controversial, and in 1715 he was sent into his first exile in Tulle after a writing a satirical piece about the Duke of Orleans, the Regent of France. It was during this time that he produced his first major work, the play Oedipus. Although allowed to return to Paris a year later, Voltaire’s writing continued to land him in trouble. He was jailed in the Bastille two more times and was exiled from Paris for a good portion of his life. Throughout these troubles, Voltaire continued to write, producing works of poetry, a number of plays, and some historical and political texts. His most famous work is the satirical novel Candide, and many of his plays, including Oedipus and Socrates, are still performed today. Voltaire died in 1778.

    Read more from Voltaire

    Related to Candide

    Related ebooks

    Literary Fiction For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      The Art of Fiction No. 243

      Dec 15, 2018

      The Art of Fiction No. 243
      24 min read

    • Article

      The Trojan War Museum

      Jul 29, 2019

      The Trojan War Museum
      15 min read

    • Article

      The Most Famous Coin in Borges

      Nov 20, 2019

      The Most Famous Coin in Borges
      5 min read

    • Article

      After Dinner Conversation Magazine – November 2021

      Nov 10, 2021

      This magazine publishes fictional stories that explore ethical and philosophical questions in an informal manner. The purpose of these stories is to generate thoughtful discussion in an open and easily accessible manner. Names, characters, businesses

      1 min read

    • Article

      ‘It Was Scary At First’: Social Media Users On The Facebook Outage

      Oct 5, 2021

      Facebook, WhatsApp and Instagram experienced an outage that left users around the world unable to access the social media platforms for nearly six hours on Monday and Tuesday. The outage was one of the worst Facebook has experienced, with the company

      2 min read

    • Article

      Rose - Tinted Glasses

      Nov 10, 2021

      From the corner of her eye, Becca watched a small pack of drunk pixies adding salt into her grandmother’s bone china sugar pot. The sugar pot was the oldest thing in the house, even older than grandmother herself. There would be hell to pay if it bro

      12 min read

    • Article

      The Wisdom Of Voltaire

      Sep 7, 2022

      YEARS ago, in a happy London interlude, we lived in Covent Garden, above Rules. Over the pavement opposite, fixed to the brickwork at the back of the Vaudeville Theatre, a plaque stated that Voltaire had lived in Maiden Lane. It was 1728, and he was

      2 min read

    • Article

      A Pre-loved Treasure House

      Oct 14, 2019

      A Pre-loved Treasure House
      9 min read

    • Article

      Where Wise Men Find Beauty

      Dec 27, 2019

      ONE thousand years ago, when the Byzantines ruled high, wide and imperial at Constantinople, the pagan Prince Vladimir of the Rus sent envoys to each of the lands that bordered his own, with instructions to investigate their religious arrangements an

      2 min read

    • Article

      1942: Cage Birds at 40

      Jan 19, 2022

      Sir, I have been a regular reader of Cage Birds for three years. Many thanks to your boys who put it to press, and to our heroic seamen whose lives are risked delivering it. My mother sends your journal to me every week, and although it has decreased

      4 min read

    • Article

      Magnets: Carried through time, lovers seek their purpose.

      Feb 6, 2014

      Moon Colony B, 2213 Former Ponzi-schemer Mary Pillar digs through a trashcan. It smells like rotten eggs and milk. She is elderly and homeless, living in an alley between two eco-efficient skyscrapers. Dust particles dance around her. She has lost ev

      11 min read

    • Article

      The Peasants Are Not Revolting

      Mar 13, 2024

      WE couldn’t afford to live in St John’s Wood—think of the taxi fares’ (overheard in Claridge’s). ‘Are you going home with him?’ ‘I might as well: I am pregnant, anyway’ (overheard outside a Mayfair nightclub). ‘How do you take your coffee, madam?’ ‘L

      2 min read

    • Article

      Don’t Start From Here

      Jan 4, 2023

      THE other day, an Indian friend told me about her experience visiting England with her husband for the first time, in the early 1980s. That was back in an age when you could still drive in London, and park, without being a millionaire. Their plane la

      2 min read

    • Article

      Grey Pride

      Jun 21, 2017

      Grey Pride
      16 min read

    • Article

      The Sweet Smell Of Success

      Apr 27, 2023

      A DECADE OR MORE AGO I MADE my annual pilgrimage to the second floor at Fortnum & Mason and the Creed counter in its perfume department. That journey was (and is) always made with an admixture of pleasurable anticipation of some pampering and preenin

      2 min read

    • Article

      Reginald’s Party

      Jul 10, 2022

      For the fourth time that evening, Reginald smoothed his moustache in the mirror. It was perfect. Was it? Just a touch here… Now it was perfect. Soon his guests would arrive—only a few this evening, a small coterie from the Mayfair Club, on whom he co

      27 min read

    • Article

      Campomanes And The Scots

      Dec 12, 2020

      Campomanes And The Scots
      4 min read

    • Article

      Readers’ Letters

      Nov 17, 2021

      SIR: I must applaud William Cook (Who was Blackie the donkey?, October issue) in maintaining the tradition of never allowing the facts to mar a good story. Don Mackay arrived at Jarandilla de la Vera first, not in the wake of Hugh Whittow of the Sun.

      5 min read

    • Article

      On Bended Knee

      Nov 2, 2022

      On Bended Knee
      2 min read

    • Article

      In Paddy's footsteps

      Dec 14, 2022

      I wonder what Paddy Leigh Fermor would have made of it. The doyen of travel writers, a dedicated pedestrian who trudged across Europe from the Hook of Holland to Constantinople and always embraced St Augustine's creed of solvitur ambulando – it is so

      5 min read

    • Article

      Fortean Traveller

      Sep 8, 2022

      130. The Ros Beiaard parade, Dendermonde, Belgium The mostly unremarkable Flemish city of Dendermonde, half way between Brussels and Antwerp, is not somewhere tourists normally bother with. But every 10 years (Covid permitting), over 80,000 people de

      9 min read

    • Article

      The 1950s Irish Convent Guide To Green Living

      Oct 20, 2021

      What with the energy crisis and the COP26 Climate Change event, I expect we’re all facing an austere winter. But I do feel I’ve had good training for this – at my convent boarding school in 1950s Dublin. The rules then were exceptionally green. Heati

      3 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for Candide

    4/5

    113 ratings129 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

    • 5/5
      Hilarious! Ever since reading The Baroque Cycle (or at least the first two books and the first half of the third one) I've loved this historical period, and it's clear Stephenson wrote it with Candide in mind. It's silly, clever, and risqué, and you can read it in an afternoon.
    • 3/5
      Classic modern fable exploring the once popular philosophy of 'everything now is exactly as it should be and for the best' with comedic results.
    • 4/5
      Absolutely hilarious, and extremely easy to read as well.
    • 4/5
      I saw this at the Guthrie Theater in the late 80s and it was great; the story still holds up.
    • 3/5
      Very enjoyable, especially for a philosophical stint. Definitely a book I will want to read several times over to digest, but for an initial reading it was fairly light.
    • 5/5
      Juvenal once said, "It is difficult not to write satire", meaning that even if he put ink to paper with different intentions, his worldview would press him on in one direction. He and Voltaire would have got along famously, I suspect.
    • 3/5
      Zeker mooiste verhaal van Voltaire. Episodisch opgebouwd, maar met duidelijke lijn: de Bildung van Candide; ontluistering van het verhaal van Pangloss en tussendoor de traditionele stokpaardjes van Voltaire.
    • 4/5
      Frank McLynn's work 1759: The Year Britain Became Master of the World mentioned a good deal about Voltaire, as did Leo Dramrosch's Jean-Jacques Rousseau: Restless Genius. This is my first Voltaire and I was surprised by how small the novella is relative to its historical impact. This has led me to purchase Edmund Burke's A Philosophical Enquiry into the Sublime and Beautiful and to take up Tristram Shandy again. Candide and Tristram Shandy were, of course, both published in 1759 so the linkages with my earlier reading are apparent, if unintended. If anything I have gained from Candide confirmation of the idea of tending one's own garden, not to mention a burning desire to remove all further naivety from my very being.
    • 3/5
      This tiny little book took me 8 days to read. Not because it was boring, the writing is just harder to read in this day and age (to me anyway).
    • 4/5
      This is my second read of Candide. I was inspired to do so after reading a biography of Voltaire. I enjoyed the book more, I think, with more of the context of Voltaire's life...or maybe I'm just older and wiser!This isn't my kind of book....too much plot, not enough character development. But, like many reviewers, I think the book raises issues that remain relevant today, and that made it thought-provoking. A true classic.
    • 4/5
      A dark, comic, and biting satire. Whenever I revisit Candide, I always find Voltaire is making points which are relevant to contemporary events,
    • 5/5
      In a constant barrage of hilarious, yet fairly accurate to history horror show: another war between the french and the english, the Lisbon earthquake and the inquisition's response to it, colonialism; Candide barely survives "this best of all possible worlds" according to his philosophy professor and a popular doctrine of the time period proposed by Leibniz (the argument not being that this world is free of evil, but given our species, it's the best we can achieve - for if we were capable of optimizing our world in any facet, God would have created that one instead). His experiences teach him that humanity is shit overall:"Do you believe that men have always slaughtered each other as they do today, that they've always been liars, cheats, traitors, ingrates and thieves, weak, fickle, cowardly, envious, greedy, drunken, miserly, ambitious, bloodthirsty, slanderous, lecherous, fanatical, hypocritical and foolish?Do you believe that hawks have always eaten pigeons when they find them?"But in too small doses it does redeem itself individually. He ends with hope."Man cannot obliterate the cruelty of the universe, but by prudence he can shield certain small confines from that cruelty." Cultivate your garden!Pretty keen on Voltaire now.
    • 4/5
      Great book. However, the Bantam Classic edition is only an ok translation. I got my copy for cheap. It tells the story but I'm sure there are other more scholarly translations I would choose if I were to read it again.
    • 3/5
      Zeker mooiste verhaal van Voltaire. Episodisch opgebouwd, maar met duidelijke lijn: de Bildung van Candide; ontluistering van het verhaal van Pangloss en tussendoor de traditionele stokpaardjes van Voltaire.
    • 3/5
      Interesting satire - wonderful narration.
    • 5/5
      This book was pretty funny. I didn't understand most of the satire being that it was written well before my time, but I got the overall sense that it was humorous and quite enjoyable.
    • 4/5
      Tragedy and comedy presented in sharp contrast satirising the optimism of certain philosophies.
    • 5/5
      A complete and utter failure! Voltaire presents us with the premise that this is the best of all possible worlds, but only evil befalls his poor characters: scandal, conscription, rape, murder, pillage, mutilation, disease, disaster, inquisition, genocide, adultery, slavery, shipwreck, kicks in the backside, you name it. What the author was thinking of, I can scarcely imagine. I'm going back to my garden now.
    • 4/5
      Still funny, this sarcastic, cynical tale about the innocent young man learning about the ways of the world the hard way. "Why then was the world created?" " To drive us mad!"
    • 3/5
      The Baron's lady weighed about three hundred and fifty pounds, and was therefore a person of great consideration.One day when Cunegonde was walking near the castle, in a little wood which was called the Park, she observed Doctor Pangloss in the bushes, giving a lesson in experimental physics to her mother's waiting-maid, a very pretty and docile brunette. Mademoiselle Cunegonde had a great inclination for science and watched breathlessly the reiterated experiments she witnessed; she observed clearly the Doctor's sufficient reason, the effects and the causes, and returned home very much excited, pensive, filled with the desire of learning, reflecting that she might be the sufficient reason of young Candide and he might be hers.Candide that he was a young metaphysician, extremely ignorant of the things of this world...Candide, who trembled like a philosopher, hid himself as well as he could during this heroic butchery.Pangloss made answer in these terms: "Oh, my dear Candide, you remember Paquette, that pretty wench who waited on our noble Baroness; in her arms I tasted the delights of paradise, which produced in me those hell torments with which you see me devoured; she was infected with them, she is perhaps dead of them. This present Paquette received of a learned Grey Friar, who had traced it to its source; he had had it of an old countess, who had received it from a cavalry captain, who owed it to a marchioness, who took it from a page, who had received it from a Jesuit, who when a novice had it in a direct line from one of the companions of Christopher Columbus. For my part I shall give it to nobody, I am dying."Our men defended themselves like the Pope's soldiers; they flung themselves upon their knees, and threw down their arms,"Oh! what a superior man," said Candide below his breath. "What a great genius is this Pococurante! Nothing can please him." "But is there not a pleasure," said Candide,[Pg 141] "in criticising everything, in pointing out faults where others see nothing but beauties?" "That is to say," replied Martin, "that there is some pleasure in having no pleasure."Instantly Candide sent for a Jew, to whom he sold for fifty thousand sequins a diamond worth a hundred thousand, though the fellow swore to him by Abraham that he could give him no more."I know also," said Candide, "that we must cultivate our garden." "You are right," said Pangloss, "for when man was first placed in the Garden of Eden, he was put there ut operaretur eum, that he might cultivate it; which shows that man was not born to be idle." "Let us work," said Martin, "without disputing; it is the only way to render life tolerable."
    • 3/5
      I read this for my World Lit II class. I wouldn't have read it otherwise. But am I glad I have this under my belt now? You bet. This was especially fun to read aloud. To my mother. Who hated every minute of it. Ha, ha. A lot of the satire went way over my head, even after class discussions. But I was still amused by all of the crazy ordeals that poor Candide was put through.
    • 3/5
      Wish I knew what everyone sees in this one. I've known a few people who have claimed this as one of their favorite works, and to me, anyway, this book appears so slight when compared with other classical works. But then, allegory was never my favorite form of literature. I can completely understand Balzac, or Zola, or Flaubert. They were amazing writers, and you can get something new out of them with each reading, I think, depending upon what stage you are at in your own life. But it seems like there is a trend in French literature - the spare and esoteric work, the one that says, "this may not look like much, but it has Layers." I'm thinking especially of The Little Prince, this work, and possibly all of Camus. It may be very worthy. I'm sure the fault is mine here. But I just don't get it.
    • 5/5
      This major work by Voltaire is not quiet the way I imagined it. While I thought of a philosophical fictional story when buying the book, probably something comparable to Nietzsche's Zarathustra, it eventually turned out to be a very easy read with tons of humor in it. The story doesn't take itself seriously, it describes the very unlikely life of the noble Candide and his beloved princess who get around both worlds in a dystopian, sarcastically carried out way. On their way they get to know people whose lives are even more miserable then their own. One man they meet quiet a few times is a philosopher who has the opinion that everything in the world is perfect and nobody can complain. This philosophy of Optimism however seems to be the complete opposite of the countless miseries the protagonists run into. Although the philosopher does not want to reject his world view, it is quiet clear that he must be in error.I thought this book was both a good starting point for discussions about Optimism as well as an hilarious and easy read.
    • 5/5
      How droll.
    • 1/5
      A man with a naive philosophy faces a series of tragedies around the world.1/4 (Bad).It's all bitter, derisive "wit" that reads like a summary of a novel. I don't understand what any modern reader would get out of this.
    • 4/5
      I read this in university and enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would, which I think happens to a lot of people when they read it.

      It's a crazy adventure story, with twists, and turns and even stranger characters. It revolves around Candide, a young man so named because he resembles a blank slate, for all the word and society to write on.

      There's so much to talk about within this book, even though it's so short I feel like Voltaire really crammed in some serious issues in the sparse number of pages he allocated himself. Some of the book has still stayed with me, and every once and a while I'll find myself quoting a line or two, or seeing Candide referred to in popular culture somewhere.

      His witty critiques and snarky comments helped to empower a population of people who needed a revolution.

      It looks intimidating, but I promise it's not as bad as it seems. In my opinion, it's worth it.
    • 3/5
      A very famous novel, it is, first published in 1759. I remember only a small number of incidents but they have stuck after a half century, so...I'll call it a good book about human behaviour. I believe I read this in French...but I could have been doing a reread after doing it in English translation first.
    • 3/5
      Wish I knew what everyone sees in this one. I've known a few people who have claimed this as one of their favorite works, and to me, anyway, this book appears so slight when compared with other classical works. But then, allegory was never my favorite form of literature. I can completely understand Balzac, or Zola, or Flaubert. They were amazing writers, and you can get something new out of them with each reading, I think, depending upon what stage you are at in your own life. But it seems like there is a trend in French literature - the spare and esoteric work, the one that says, "this may not look like much, but it has Layers." I'm thinking especially of The Little Prince, this work, and possibly all of Camus. It may be very worthy. I'm sure the fault is mine here. But I just don't get it.
    • 4/5
      This was not at all what I thought it would be. The read was interesting, and heavy on the satire. The theme is easily understood and carried throughout the work, and it's a relatively quick read. Read this if you have a couple of hours to spare.
    • 3/5
      The Baron's lady weighed about three hundred and fifty pounds, and was therefore a person of great consideration.One day when Cunegonde was walking near the castle, in a little wood which was called the Park, she observed Doctor Pangloss in the bushes, giving a lesson in experimental physics to her mother's waiting-maid, a very pretty and docile brunette. Mademoiselle Cunegonde had a great inclination for science and watched breathlessly the reiterated experiments she witnessed; she observed clearly the Doctor's sufficient reason, the effects and the causes, and returned home very much excited, pensive, filled with the desire of learning, reflecting that she might be the sufficient reason of young Candide and he might be hers.Candide that he was a young metaphysician, extremely ignorant of the things of this world...Candide, who trembled like a philosopher, hid himself as well as he could during this heroic butchery.Pangloss made answer in these terms: "Oh, my dear Candide, you remember Paquette, that pretty wench who waited on our noble Baroness; in her arms I tasted the delights of paradise, which produced in me those hell torments with which you see me devoured; she was infected with them, she is perhaps dead of them. This present Paquette received of a learned Grey Friar, who had traced it to its source; he had had it of an old countess, who had received it from a cavalry captain, who owed it to a marchioness, who took it from a page, who had received it from a Jesuit, who when a novice had it in a direct line from one of the companions of Christopher Columbus. For my part I shall give it to nobody, I am dying."Our men defended themselves like the Pope's soldiers; they flung themselves upon their knees, and threw down their arms,"Oh! what a superior man," said Candide below his breath. "What a great genius is this Pococurante! Nothing can please him." "But is there not a pleasure," said Candide,[Pg 141] "in criticising everything, in pointing out faults where others see nothing but beauties?" "That is to say," replied Martin, "that there is some pleasure in having no pleasure."Instantly Candide sent for a Jew, to whom he sold for fifty thousand sequins a diamond worth a hundred thousand, though the fellow swore to him by Abraham that he could give him no more."I know also," said Candide, "that we must cultivate our garden." "You are right," said Pangloss, "for when man was first placed in the Garden of Eden, he was put there ut operaretur eum, that he might cultivate it; which shows that man was not born to be idle." "Let us work," said Martin, "without disputing; it is the only way to render life tolerable."

    Book preview

    Candide - Voltaire

    CONTENTS

    Chapter I—How Candide Was Brought Up in a Magnificent Castle, and How He Was Expelled Thence

    Chapter II—What Became of Candide among the Bulgarians

    Chapter III—How Candide Made His Escape from the Bulgarians, and What Afterwards Became of Him

    Chapter IV—How Candide Found His Old Master Pangloss, and What Happened to Them

    Chapter V—Tempest, Shipwreck, Earthquake, and What Became of Doctor Pangloss, Candide, and James the Anabaptist

    Chapter VI—How the Portuguese Made a Beautiful Auto-da-Fé, to Prevent Any Further Earthquakes; and How Candide Was Publicly Whipped

    Chapter VII—How the Old Woman Took Care of Candide, and How He Found the Object He Loved

    Chapter VIII—The History of Cunegonde

    Chapter IX—What Became of Cunegonde, Candide, the Grand Inquisitor, and the Jew

    Chapter X—In What Distress Candide, Cunegonde, and the Old Woman Arrived at Cadiz; and of Their Embarkation

    Chapter XI—History of the Old Woman

    Chapter XII—The Adventures of the Old Woman Continued

    Chapter XIII—How Candide Was Forced Away from His Fair Cunegonde and the Old Woman

    Chapter XIV—How Candide and Cacambo Were Received by the Jesuits of Paraguay

    Chapter XV—How Candide Killed the Brother of His Dear Cunegonde

    Chapter XVI—Adventures of the Two Travellers, with Two Girls, Two Monkeys, and the Savages Called Oreillons

    Chapter XVII—Arrival of Candide and His Valet at El Dorado, and What They Saw There

    Chapter XVIII—What They Saw in the Country of El Dorado

    Chapter XIX—What Happened to Them at Surinam and How Candide Got Acquainted with Martin

    Chapter XX—What Happened at Sea to Candide and Martin

    Chapter XXI—Candide and Martin, Reasoning, Draw Near the Coast of France

    Chapter XXII—What Happened in France to Candide and Martin

    Chapter XXIII—Candide and Martin Touched upon the Coast of England, and What They Saw There

    Chapter XXIV—Of Paquette and Friar Giroflée

    Chapter XXV—The Visit to Lord Pococurante, a Noble Venetian

    Chapter XXVI—Of a Supper Which Candide and Martin Took with Six Strangers, and Who They Were

    Chapter XXVII—Candide’s Voyage to Constantinople

    Chapter XXVIII—What Happened to Candide, Cunegonde, Pangloss, Martin, Etc.

    Chapter XXIX—How Candide Found Cundegonde and the Old Woman

    Chapter XXX—The Conclusion

    About the Author

    About the Series

    Copyright

    About the Publisher

    Chapter I

    How Candide Was Brought Up in a Magnificent Castle, and How He Was Expelled Thence

    In a castle of Westphalia, belonging to the baron of Thunder-ten-Tronckh, lived a youth, whom nature had endowed with the most gentle manners. His countenance was a true picture of his soul. He combined a true judgment with simplicity of spirit, which was the reason, I apprehend, of his being called Candide. The old servants of the family suspected him to have been the son of the baron’s sister, by a good, honest gentleman of the neighborhood, whom that young lady would never marry because he had been able to prove only seventy-one quarterings, the rest of his genealogical tree having been lost through the injuries of time.

    The baron was one of the most powerful lords in Westphalia, for his castle had not only a gate, but windows. His great hall, even, was hung with tapestry. All the dogs of his farmyards formed a pack of hounds at need; his grooms were his huntsmen; and the curate of the village was his grand almoner. They called him My Lord, and laughed at all his stories.

    The baron’s lady weighed about three hundred and fifty pounds, and was therefore a person of great consideration, and she did the honours of the house with a dignity that commanded still greater respect. Her daughter Cunegonde was seventeen years of age, fresh-coloured, comely, plump, and desirable. The baron’s son seemed to be in every respect worthy of his father. The Preceptor Pangloss [1] was the oracle of the family, and little Candide heard his lessons with all the good faith of his age and character.

    Pangloss was professor of metaphysico-theologico-cosmolo-nigology. He proved admirably that there is no effect without a cause, and that, in this best of all possible worlds, the baron’s castle was the most magnificent of castles, and his lady the best of all possible baronesses.

    It is demonstrable, said he, that things cannot be otherwise than as they are; for all being created for an end, all is necessarily for the best end. Observe, that the nose has been formed to bear spectacles—thus we have spectacles. Legs are visibly designed for stockings—and we have stockings. Stones were made to be hewn, and to construct castles—therefore my lord has a magnificent castle; for the greatest baron in the province ought to be the best lodged. Pigs were made to be eaten—therefore we eat pork all the year round. Consequently they who assert that all is well have said a foolish thing, they should have said all is for the best.

    Candide listened attentively and believed innocently; for he thought Miss Cunegonde extremely beautiful, though he never had the courage to tell her so. He concluded that after the happiness of being born of baron of Thunder-ten-Tronckh, the second degree of happiness was to be Miss Cunegonde, the third that of seeing her every day, and the fourth that of hearing Master Pangloss, the greatest philosopher of the whole province, and consequently of the whole world.

    One day Cunegonde, while walking near the castle, in a little wood which they called a park, saw between the bushes, Dr. Pangloss giving a lesson in experimental natural philosophy to her mother’s chambermaid, a little brown wench, very pretty and very docile. As Miss Cunegonde had a great disposition for the sciences, she breathlessly observed the repeated experiments of which she was a witness; she clearly perceived the force of the doctor’s reasons, the effects, and the causes; she turned back greatly flurried, quite pensive, and filled with the desire to be learned; dreaming that she might well be a sufficient reason for young Candide, and he for her.

    She met Candide on reaching the castle and blushed; Candide blushed also; she wished him good morrow in a faltering tone, and Candide spoke to her without knowing what he said. The next day after dinner, as they went from table, Cunegonde and Candide found themselves behind a screen; Cunegonde let fall her handkerchief, Candide picked it up, she took him innocently by the hand, the youth as innocently kissed the young lady’s hand with particular vivacity, sensibility, and grace; their lips met, their eyes sparkled, their knees trembled, their hands strayed. Baron Thunder-ten-Tronckh passed near the screen and beholding this cause and effect chased Candide from the castle with great kicks on the backside; Cunegonde fainted away; she was boxed on the ears by the baroness, as soon as she came to herself; and all was consternation in this most magnificent and most agreeable of all possible castles.

    1 The name Pangloss is derived from two Greek words signifying all and language.

    Chapter II

    What Became of Candide among the Bulgarians

    Candide, driven from terrestrial paradise, walked a long while without knowing where, weeping, raising his eyes to heaven, turning them often towards the most magnificent of castles which imprisoned the purest of noble young ladies. He lay down to sleep without supper, in the middle of a field between two furrows. The snow fell in large flakes. Next day Candide, all benumbed, dragged himself towards the neighbouring town which was called Waldberghofftrarbk-dikdorff, having no money, dying of hunger and fatigue, he stopped sorrowfully at the door of an inn. Two men dressed in blue observed him.

    Comrade, said one, here is a well-built young fellow, and of proper height.

    They went up to Candide and very civilly invited him to dinner.

    Gentlemen, replied Candide, with a most engaging modesty, you do me great honour, but I have not wherewithal to pay my share.

    Oh, sir, said one of the blues to him, people of your appearance and of your merit never pay anything: are you not five feet five inches high?

    Yes, sir, that is my height, answered he, making a low bow.

    Come, sir, seat yourself; not only will we pay your reckoning, but we will never suffer such a man as you to want money; men are only born to assist one another.

    You are right, said Candide; this is what I was always taught by Mr. Pangloss, and I see plainly that all is for the best.

    They begged of him to accept a few crowns. He took them, and wished to give them his note; they refused; they seated themselves at table.

    Love you not deeply?

    Oh yes, answered he; I deeply love Miss Cunegonde.

    No, said one of the gentlemen, we ask you if you do not deeply love the king of the Bulgarians?

    Not at all, said he; for I have never seen him.

    What! he is the best of kings, and we must drink his health.

    Oh! very willingly, gentlemen, and he drank.

    That is enough, they tell him. Now you are the help, the support, the defender, the hero of the Bulgarians. Your fortune is made, and your glory is assured.

    Instantly they fettered him, and carried him away to the regiment. There he was made to wheel about to the right, and to the left, to draw his rammer, to return his rammer, to present, to fire, to march, and they gave him thirty blows with a cudgel. The next day he did his exercise a little less badly, and he received but twenty blows. The day following they gave him only ten, and he was regarded by his comrades as a prodigy.

    Candide, all stupefied, could not yet very well realise how he was a hero. He resolved one fine day in spring to go for a walk, marching straight before him, believing that it was a privilege of the human as well as of the animal species to make use of their legs as they pleased. He had advanced two leagues when he was overtaken by four others, heroes of six feet, who bound him and carried him to a dungeon. He was asked which he would like the best, to be whipped six-and-thirty times through all the regiment, or to receive at once twelve balls of lead in his brain. He vainly said that human will is free, and that he chose neither the one nor the other. He was forced to make a choice; he determined, in virtue of that gift of God

    Enjoying the preview?
    Page 1 of 1