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    Good Crazy Essays of a Mad Housewife, Second Edition
    Good Crazy Essays of a Mad Housewife, Second Edition
    Good Crazy Essays of a Mad Housewife, Second Edition
    Ebook102 pages2 hours

    Good Crazy Essays of a Mad Housewife, Second Edition

    By Karen Walsh

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    About this ebook

    Humor is the constant ingredient in Karen Adragna Walsh's life.Through her collection of short personal essays, she tries not to take life too seriously. When the ordinary happenings of daily living erupt, she soon discovers that there is no escaping life's funny side.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherKaren Walsh
    Release dateFeb 6, 2014
    ISBN9781310890369
    Good Crazy Essays of a Mad Housewife, Second Edition
    Author

    Karen Walsh

    Karen Adragna Walsh, a retired operating room nurse, lives the "Good Crazy" in Orchard Park, New York. A never-ending supply of humorous material is freely provided by her husband Frank, their daughter Kara, and dog Tanner. Her personal essays frequently appear in the Buffalo News.

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      Book preview

      Good Crazy Essays of a Mad Housewife, Second Edition - Karen Walsh

      Good Crazy

      Essays of a Mad Housewife

      Second Edition

      Karen Adragna Walsh

      Copyright © 2014 by Karen M.Walsh

      Smashwords Edition

      Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the publisher of this book.

      To my parents Peter and Mary, who guided me through life with love and humor. And to the spirit world, whose encouraging signs brought this book to print.

      CONTENTS

      Introduction

      Predicaments beyond my control

      It’s time for those towels to come out of the closet

      Unforgiving blue jeans can really be a pain

      Doing the worm dance is a tricky proposition

      Critters’ hearty appetites trigger garden warfare

      When procrastination is not the problem

      Does phone search have to be so frustrating?

      How would we get by without all those signs?

      Unwanted guests spoil maiden launch

      Computer crashes and burns leave scars

      Celebrities bring out the silly side of me

      A Valentine’s message from the ‘other side’

      Perils of society

      Downsizing is affecting life in strange, new ways

      Corporations don’t realize the pain caused by relocation

      It appears our house doesn’t want us to go

      Robber stole my GPS, not my humor

      Those ugly gym suits never suited me well

      The pitfalls of aging

      Growing old is scarier than any childhood prank

      Writer bent on dexterity bemoans lithesome youth

      If your jeans don’t fit, blame the other genes

      Game of golf makes little sense

      Air travel has its ups and downs

      Try not to dwell on forgetfulness

      Raising a husband

      Life would be easier if I could just trade places

      Parting is sweet sorrow for unabashed pack rat

      Hassle of moving takes a toll on our marriage

      Raising a daughter

      Unsolved math problems come back to haunt me

      The tides of teen-age fashion raise tempest in the Cheerios

      When teen-age years hit, you can try puppy love

      Teenage driver triggers a whole new set of fears

      Life with a teenager can be exasperating

      Keeping it together on my daughter’s move

      Interaction with stars must run in the family

      Family life exposed

      ‘Curses’ start to fly when you move in with relatives

      Receiving and paying compliments is an art

      ‘Desperate housewife’ pleads guilty to ‘crimes’

      Even artificial trees can be a real hassle

      Stay calm at Christmas, ‘for goodness sake’

      Charlie Brown tree is big enough for me

      It’s never easy for moms to let go

      Unconditional love is a wonderful thing

      A little laughter helps lighten the tension

      Introduction

      Humor is the constant ingredient in Karen Adragna Walsh’s life. Through her collection of short personal essays, she tries not to take life too seriously. When the ordinary happenings of daily living erupt, she soon discovers that there is no escaping life’s funny side.

      Predicaments beyond my control

      It’s time for those towels to come out of the closet

      Towel Rage has nothing to do with driving - It has everything to do with drying. It can strike at any time and at any place, whenever a wet face or pair of hands come in contact with a saturated towel.

      Here's a typical scenario: I am at a party amongst several guests, nibbling on scrumptious hors d’oeuvres and sipping cocktails, when the urge hits.

      Once inside the lavatory, I look around for the toilet paper, soap and a towel. I expect to see terry-cloth sardined in a straw basket or neatly folded on the top of a counter; instead, I find a doll-house-sized replica, clinging to a rack. Just one itsy bitsy teeny weenie towel for a multitude of guests propels me into towel rage.

      How can one towel possibly service 20 guests and do a dry job? That’s 40 hands, times the amount of facility usage. I'm no mathematician, but it all adds up to inadequacy, literally pushing absorption beyond its limits. Just give me a couple of towels or one gigantic one. I don't care if it's worn, torn, jagged, ragged or says the Sheraton Hotel on it.

      I’ve seen wet countertops even with adequate dryage. I just want to take my 1500 watt assault hair dryer and vaporize any lingering dampness. If the wallpaper wasn’t securely intact- I’d rip off a piece and use that! Then I would scribble in red lipstick on the bathroom mirror – Replace Towel Or Die! There, now I feel better.

      Another irritation is that the fancier the faucet fixtures, the less drying material I get. Sure, the bathroom might captivate me with flickering vanilla scented candles, shiny brass, and decorative porcelain, but one measly embroidered hand towel just doesn't do it for me. It’s nice to look at, but not absorbent enough to dry.

      We should learn from history. Water dripping from overused towels for thousands and thousands of years may even have led to the great biblical flood. Noah and his ark were most likely spared, because he had enough sense to take aboard plenty of sets of his and her towels for each pair of creatures.

      There was a reason why Elvis left the building. I believe he was at a party, went to the bathroom and tried to dry his hands. The towel was too wet, and he inadvertently dripped water on his blue suede shoes. He got so disgusted that he left and hasn't been seen since.

      Then, of course, there's the shaken-hand syndrome. This happens when I shake, rattle and roll my upper extremities in the air, hoping to fling away every last water droplet - leaving water spots on the wall!

      It's about time towels came out of the linen closet. Most people own more than one towel. Who throws out towels? We may recycle them into rags, but like matter, towels never seem to be destroyed.

      The solution to towel rage is not a simple one. Telling the hostess that there has been an oversight - not enough fresh towels were laid out - could offend. Many of us would rather tread shark-infested waters than make that statement. The strategy of opening the bathroom cabinet and pulling out a new towel has occurred to me. But since I'm Catholic, snooping around in someone else's things and invading someone's privacy means I would have to go straight to confession.

      As for myself, the only way out seems to be to continue to dry my hands on my socks or even the back of the toilet seat cover, if it comes down to that. Who am I to say practicality is better than elegance?

      In the end, everyone must find his or her own way of dealing with towel rage, whether it's wearing a turban as a towel rack or swiping some extra napkins and sneaking them into the bathroom. In my opinion, hosts and hostesses who don’t provide adequate dryage are all wet. And, unfortunately, so are their guests.

      Unforgiving blue jeans can really be a pain

      It all began in 1873, when the first pair of blue jeans were patented by Levi Strauss and Co. Starting out as durable work clothes, retailing at approximately $1.50 a pair, levis have since branched out into every facet of the clothing industry. But there are limits

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