Get To The Point! When It Comes To Relationships & Dating

Chapter 1.Prologue – My First Thoughts…

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As long as I can remember I used to love sitting in remote-secluded locations and gaze at the world. Studying the people around me ... wondering why people - do the things they do.

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At first, I thought I was the only one that didn’t understand the world of relationships and dating, but I stand corrected… Many people don’t understand this world either.

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The beauty of finding yourself is... You get to decide what’s best for you - instead of letting things just happen.

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Relationships and dating can be very confusing and at times frustrating to say the very least. Have you wondered why people do things? Have you ever wondered why your relationships don’t work out? Did you ever wonder if there was a secret formula to a successful relationship? Me too!

After several and I mean many, 1st date mishaps, I decided to reason with the unknown of not understanding relationships and dating. I tried to figure out why things happened and what things meant. I quickly learned no one had a clue about what was considered normal behavior and what wasn’t.

So many years ago, I took on the identity of a fictitious character named Zanne; my pseudonym was a way to talk about my dating experiences without anyone knowing I was actually talking about myself. I was fearfully afraid of being judged. This made it easier to discuss the behaviors of the relationships, without drawing attention to myself.

I thought buying books and learning from the experts was the way to go, but quickly learned they were a waste of time and money. As a result, I stopped reading what experts had to say, (which only yielded one or two nuances from each reading or nothing new at all); instead I studied people’s behavior and researched topics first hand. When I did learn something useful, I jotted down the highlights for reference later on.

After each reading, I noticed all the writers ended with the same conclusion, even though they started from a different premise or question. So how can that be?

What I realized…

Dating is much simpler than we make it out to be.

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Friends started asking for advice, since I was the one with the research on relationships and dating experiences.

I sent them an excerpt from my research, along with my own insight on the issue. My friends started making better choices based on my guidance. The results proved - the more informed you are - better the choices you will make in a relationship.

If you are like me, I could have used a condensed pocket guide with information that got to the point of relationships, dating and life lessons without wasting my time. From my experiences, research, and knowledge, I decided to write my own book to be that guide I never had.

Use this book like a reference guide to get answers quickly. The explanations are in the simplest terms geared to an issue that concerns you. Chapters are broken into categories to quickly Get To The Point! of an issue in a relationship. You may notice the answers may be the same for different questions, showing relationships do boil down to only a few concerns.

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Throughout this book key points are designated with a

In addition content is broken up by ***

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Some initial thoughts…

The questions can be complicated while the answers can be quite simple.

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Sometimes it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life forevermore.

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The journey to finding love is a difficult one.

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When dating, he’s either interested in you or not. I’m sorry to say - there is no sort-of!

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If you are like me, I am sure you are wondering how do you know if he’s interested? Well, Get To The Point! will help you determine that.

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Chapter 2.What I Hope You Get Out Of This Book

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You should be proud of yourself for having the courage to make a change in your life.

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Most people jump into relationships without thinking, only to be disappointed once things don’t work out. We conjure up hopes and dreams before we even get to know someone.

Have you wondered why your relationships don’t work out the way you want them to? Do you allow your relationships to progress through the normal stages? Are you tired of being disappointed by a man or with dating in general?

Do any of these describe you?

Women are notorious for misreading signals or gestures and ignoring unhealthy behavior from guys. Females often do this because they fear to be alone and believe a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all. In the end, they pay the price of another disappointed relationship and start to lose hope while becoming cynical about relationships, dating, and men. Consequently, don’t be driven to despair.

Well, you should be proud of yourself by venturing into this book. Your decision to seek clarity on relationships and dating questions will change your life. You will become smarter and wiser about your choices. You are not doomed to repeat your pattern of falling for the wrong guy.

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First, you must realize; rejection is part of the dating process even if you do everything right.

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You will make mistakes. You will be fooled. You will make the wrong decisions from time to time.

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So, without further ado, let’s get started.

How do you know if a guy is interested you? Well, if he is, he will clearly ask you out. By asking you out, I mean he calls and asks you to do some activity. If all you do is talk on the phone, use social media, email, or text each other - he is only flirting – which is not a relationship.

Don’t know the difference? Think there may be a grey area of misread signals or misunderstood gestures? That is where this book will come in handy.

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Not one thing constitutes a unhealthy relationship, albeit a number of things could demonstrate the possibility could be real.

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We all hope that somehow the meaning of a question, the meaning of some action or the meaning of an issue will result in something different or undiscovered - no matter how it is rephrased or represented - but that rarely happens. There are very few exceptions to the rules when it comes to relationships.

My guidance is to Get To The Point! and not sugar coat the issues. Most people are in denial about a relationship and do not want to hear the truth. Ignoring the truth causes repeated behavior and continued frustration. Becoming smarter and wiser will give you better outcomes with your relationships.

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To start off with, a man always knows what he wants when it comes to a woman or a relationship. If he doesn’t know what he wants then, he doesn’t want you. You should never want to be with a man who doesn’t know what he wants!

So, if your guy says he isn’t sure about what he wants when it comes to you – it’s his way of saying something doesn’t feel right about you and the relationship. He can’t put his finger on it. Feelings like these usually don’t go away, even with time. This is called that internal gut feeling we get at times.

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Sometimes men linger in uncommitted relationships because there is nothing better. It fills – an emptiness for the time being. Unfortunately, they won’t care if you break things off or not.

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Timing is when you may have met the perfect person at the wrong time in your life.

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So, is the pressure of dating getting to you? Hopefully I can answer your mind-boggling questions about the grey areas when it comes to relationships and dating. The grey areas are more in depth than the straightforward issues.

Use this book like a reference guide, heading straight to the chapter that interests you. Depending on the day, a different set of questions or situations may lead you to different chapters. Go to the chapter where you need some straightforward insight or advice. You may find yourself referring to certain chapters more often than others... Think about the following:

Cultivate a healthy environment by managing those around you and the events that occur.

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Value yourself enough by having the confidence to make better choices and expect better from those around you.

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If you don’t learn from your relationship failures, you are unlikely to find the key to a healthy relationship.

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Know you are never a victim! You can stop misfortune by making better decisions. Be empowered! As a dear friend of mine once said, Make smart choices!

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By using this book, you will learn to trust your gut feelings. Doing so will improve your judgment when dating by learning what is healthy and what is not.

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Relationships are rather simple. If they become complicated, most likely they have become unhealthy.

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A guy is either into you or not - there is no sort-of.

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Actions speak louder than words.

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Everyone knows what he or she wants out of a relationship. Most people are just afraid to communicate it.

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Trust your gut when it comes to how you feel and take that as an indicator to listen to yourself.

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People change and forget to inform each other - which can break a relationship.

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It takes two to make or break a relationship. You can not sustain a relationship by yourself.

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A relationship will seem off-balance if one is working harder than the other at the relationship.

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I am hoping this book is thought provoking, and you have introspection when you are done reading it!

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Chapter 3.All About You

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Foremost:

Ask yourself - Who are you really? If you don’t know the answer, spend some time thinking about it.

Just in case no one has told you today - You matter. Your feelings matter and are worthy of attention. Don’t let anyone tell you differently!

You can control what happens to you.

You can be kind but be strong.

You could accomplish anything if you set your mind to it.

Only until someone trusts you will they invest in you.

Being mature - is knowing when to ask for help. Not asking for help shows a lack of maturity.

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You will never rise any higher than where you see yourself, so aim high. Change your goals if you want something different.

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Do you wonder why you end up dating the same types of guys? There is a very profound saying by Stephen Chbosky, We accept the love we think we deserve. Meaning, know yourself worth and never accept less than you deserve.

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Raise your expectations – don’t lower your standards.

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Most people are more afraid of success than they are of failure.

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Root your relationships in friendship - before developing a romance.

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Relationships are creatures of habit. With familiarity, we choose people who feel familiar and reinforce our thoughts about ourselves and how we perceive love. To break the habit, date someone different from whom you normally date.

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Until you consciously look at who you are attracting and take deliberate steps to shift male perceptions, the same types of guys will continue to appear as potential suitors. By changing the way you present yourself will change who you attract.

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Do not judge yourself according to how others perceive you.

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People should not mistake your kindness for being weak so you can be taken advantage of.

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You never really get over someone until you find someone else to love more.

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It is perfectly acceptable to tell someone they have said something mean to you. Use the words: Wow, that’s mean. It will help you feel better about what was said without being revengeful.

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Do you feel unworthy to be loved? You shouldn’t. Everyone deserves to be loved – especially you.

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Everyone wants to find love. Don’t presume you are the only one that feels this way. Most people are afraid they will end up alone, but in reality they don’t.

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Sometimes the decisions we make in our late teens or early twenties are not the decisions we would make in our late twenties and beyond. Things change as we get to know ourselves. Our goals change, our likes and dislikes change, especially when we are young and not fully emotionally developed. Get to know yourself first before declaring what you really want in life.

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Issue: How do you handle someone who is yelling at you?

What To Think: Allow them to yell and during a pregnant pause, address them with Are you finished? This usually stuns a person enough to where they lose concentration on what they were saying. It also shows respect that you have listened to them, and now you would like time to speak and take control of the conversation. This is where you step in and state your peace. If you are interrupted, state you want to finish before being interrupted by saying, Please allow me to finish before being interrupted. Also mention you gave them a turn to speak now it’s your turn.

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Issue: Are you the settling down type or just the dating type?

What To Think: Women fall into two types of dating categories according to men. One type is - guys just date casually with no intention of settling down with and the other type being - they can settle down with. Do you know which you are? Knowing will help you gravitate towards men who are looking for you.

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Issue: Not happy with whom you are or where you are in your life?

What To Think: Many women are in the same position as you. Most do nothing about their dissatisfaction though. I once was told, If you visualize what you want, believe it is achievable, work towards getting there – it will happen. I am a testament to that!

This is true for people who put effort towards changing their lives. You deserve to be happy. So, is there a secret to happiness? No. Happiness comes from within, but studies show happiness is contagious. Make a promise to yourself that six months to a year from now, things will be different because you have made a choice to change.

Find a person or story that gives you inspiration and use that as fuel to make your change. Reading this book shows you are already on your way to success. Your choices are already making a difference in your life. Follow your beliefs, even if those around you try to push you from those beliefs. Know dreams can come true - just believe!

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Issue: Do your dating relationships not work out generally?

What To Think: This could indicate a tendency to attach yourself to unavailable or unworthy men. Are you paying attention to the red flags when you first meet someone? Or do you choose to ignore these flags so you can be in a relationship no matter what? The reason you might not be meeting the right man - could be you.

Don’t be ashamed, many women do this. Pay closer attention to these indicators, to these "red flags." Weigh the factors, trust your gut feeling, and stay away from men that are not right for you. Wasting your time on the wrong person – will keep you from spending time with the right person! The right opportunity may have passed right by while you were in the wrong relationship.

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Issue: Your emotional health determines whom you will date and eventually marry.

What To Think: Most people marry at the level of their emotional health. Emotionally healthy people attract like-minded people. Make sure your emotional health is at its best before embarking upon any relationship. When in a relationship use the voice of reason to make good decisions.

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Issue: Do you have hatred feelings towards someone?

What To Think: You can only hate someone if you have feelings towards him or her. Hatred can drive oneself to extreme actions and for that reason don’t let hatred take you down. Get over it quickly so you can move and forget about them.

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Issue: Does your personality change when you date?

What To Think: If you answered yes, have you asked yourself what is causing the change? Do you become insecure once in a relationship? Insecurity can destroy a potentially loving relationship. Think about what makes you feel secure. Talk about these feelings with your partner. He may be able to help you.

Maybe you’ve become impatient and want the relationship to become an immediate marriage proposal? Know skipping the normal steps of a relationship may cause a premature breakup. You might take some time writing down what changes in your personality when you first start dating. If the relationship progresses awkwardly, the lack of success could be that you are not really being yourself.

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Issue: What is one small step to attracting the right person?

What To Think: Mentally healthy people usually attract the same. Usually both sexes tend to be attracted to others with the same level of attractiveness - inside and out. So, find someone who is similar to you.

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Issue: Do you get attached too easily?

What To Think: Getting attached quickly means you haven’t kept your perspective on the relationship. This shows you just want to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. You should be cautious when you first start dating or seeing someone.

It may be possible that you are infatuated and overlooking many faults that could be deal breakers for you. In addition, you may be setting yourself up for heartache when you realize he is not the person you thought he was. This happens when you don’t take the time to get to know the other person. Take the time to learn about his flaws as well as his qualities, so you can make a smart choice about a future with him.

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Issue: Are you running from your life?

What To Think: Is there something bothering you? Or are you scared of something? Determine if you are running away from something or running towards something. Only then can you know what you are doing and why you are doing it.

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Issue: Have you described your relationship as complicated to others?

What To Think: If you are telling people your relationship is complicated, something isn’t right. You are probably too embarrassed to discuss the essence of your relationship. This is a big red flag. If you told someone all about your problems, they would wonder why you are in such a relationship. Healthy relationships are not complicated, no matter what.

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Issue: Have you noticed when single women gather they tend to complain about the lack of available good men?

What To Think: Innocent bystanders can sense the despair. Don’t doom any potential relationship by talking this way. Word of your feeling of hopelessness may spread and could hinder a possible future relationship.

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Issue: Do you lose yourself in a relationship and making it the only thing in your life?

What To Think: Take care of yourself while in a relationship. Never lose yourself to be with someone else. Be that girl he fell for in the beginning. Spend some of your time doing activities with other friends or working on your own projects.

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You need to allow for your own growth if you both plan to grow together.

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Issue: Have you cheated on your guy?

What To Think: If you cheated on your guy, nothing good can come of confessing your sins. Live with the guilt or get out of the relationship.

Telling him will only hurt him and relieve you of the guilt. Besides, he will lose trust in you. Promise yourself you will never do this again. Have enough respect for yourself and your guy to end the relationship if this ever does.

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Issue: Do you have tendencies of a stalker?

What To Think: In other words, are you on the verge of becoming a stalker type? If you find yourself setting up opportunities to just bump into him then your efforts to get his attention could come off as stalking.

He should be trying to get your attention, not the other way around. If a guy is interested, he will let you know. Trying to appear in the same locations to get noticed is not necessary. Nor is there a need to stick around to be the last person to talk with him. If he is interested in you, he will seek you out.

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Issue: Are you the type that chases a guy?

What To Think: Never ever chase a guy. Guys like to do the pursuing.