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    Violence is the Answer
    Violence is the Answer
    Violence is the Answer
    Ebook32 pages23 minutes

    Violence is the Answer

    By Mr If

    ()

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    About this ebook

    In his second collection of mashed-up poetry and prose, Mr If launches an uncompromising assault on the War on Terror through a confessional account of his affair with Marilyn, the wife of his friend Nettles, a soldier serving in Afghanistan. Crude, intelligent, shocking and at times very funny, Violence is the Answer is Philistine Press's most controversial ebook to date.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPhilistine Press
    Release dateApr 27, 2011
    ISBN9781458129123
    Violence is the Answer
    Author

    Mr If

    Mr If has submitted the following biographical note: "Everything you need to know about Mr If is contained in his writing. All other biographical information is irrelevant."

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      Book preview

      Violence is the Answer - Mr If

      Introduction

      When I wrote my first collection, Entertainment, I didn’t feel the need to change the names of the people I was writing about. I have no intention of revealing my real name, so there’s no reason why any of my friends will discover that I’ve betrayed them. To be honest, I quite like the idea of getting caught – of my friends reading Entertainment and reeling back in horror and the secrets I’ve disclosed. But, as I say, it’s highly unlikely my friends will inadvertently stumble across the Philistine Press website, and even if they do, the poems in Entertainment are just poems, and could have been written by anyone.

      In this, my second collection of mashed-up prose and verse, I’ve made the decision to change names in order to protect the identity of the two friends to whom this collection is dedicated.

      The first friend I will call Marilyn. We are lovers, and I am learning to love her.

      The second friend is usually known by his surname, which I’m going to pretend is Nettles. He is Marilyn’s husband, and an old friend of mine from school. As I write these words, Nettles is serving for the British armed forces in Afghanistan, and needs to come home before he gets killed for no reason.

      Mr If, 2011.

      To Marilyn and Nettles.

      What we are

      Nettles is away fighting in Afghanistan.

      I am in England having sex with his wife.

      In our own tried and tested ways,

      The pair of us are proving

      That we are men.

      Conquests

      Iraq is not a conquest.

      The ‘Stan is not a conquest.

      Marilyn is not a conquest either.

      Please don’t let her be that.

      Whatever my feelings,

      She is more than a notch on a bedpost.

      She will never be comparable to some military victory,

      Not least of all because our affair, if you want

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