Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    The Many Mini-Adventures of Abner the Gopher
    The Many Mini-Adventures of Abner the Gopher
    The Many Mini-Adventures of Abner the Gopher
    Ebook105 pages1 hour

    The Many Mini-Adventures of Abner the Gopher

    By Dan Schwartz

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    Note: The Gopher Chronicles has been released which contains all these tales and many more...

    Abner, the old fashion and adventuring gopher, travels the world looking for adventure. Abner decided to scribe his accounts so that he can share his adventures in a fantastic collection of short stories. Join the celebrated rodent for a comical adventure as he bumps elbows with pirates, becomes a veggetable, finds love, gets eaten, and so many more.

    www.banocanut.com

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDan Schwartz
    Release dateSep 18, 2009
    ISBN9781458057051
    The Many Mini-Adventures of Abner the Gopher
    Author

    Dan Schwartz

    I am an independent author and I am driven by my dedication to nature, humor and the written word. My personal personal philosophy that there is always room for jokes, and as such my writings are always sprinkled with puns, humor, and plenty of things that can be read tongue-in-cheek (if that phrase makes sense in this context). Having strong interests in the environment and mathematics, I tend to craft my tales and works around both and I use writing as an outsource to keep my creativity alive.

    Read more from Dan Schwartz

    Related to The Many Mini-Adventures of Abner the Gopher

    Related ebooks

    Short Stories For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      Sweet Sorrow

      Aug 19, 2019

      Sweet Sorrow
      8 min read

    • Article

      How I Began to Write

      Mar 6, 2019

      How I Began to Write
      6 min read

    • Article

      ‘Every Writer’s Deepest Fear’: What Happened When I Gave A Book Talk Completely Nude

      Jul 12, 2023

      ‘So Nell, tell us a bit about how you became a writer …” I look down and see that, despite my legs being crossed, a significant amount of pubic hair is visible to the audience in front of me. I can feel my nipple brush against my wrist as I lean one

      3 min read

    • Article

      Idle Horns

      Sep 10, 2022

      The tongs feel heavy in Bub’s clawed hands. Seven millennia without incident and he freezes during inspection. In front of Bub, is a thief? He’s bound by thick rope to an office chair with poor lumbar support. Bub had truly thought of everything. So

      11 min read

    • Article

      Mrs Macarthur’s Secret Diary

      Jun 17, 2020

      Mrs Macarthur’s Secret Diary
      7 min read

    • Article

      Mrs Macarthur’s Secret Diary

      Jun 17, 2020

      Mrs Macarthur’s Secret Diary
      7 min read

    • Article

      The Joke

      Sep 1, 2020

      Although best known for his 1953 novel Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury was also a prolific writer of short stories, having published his first while still a teenager. This previously unpublished story likely dates to 1950, the year The Martian Chronicle

      5 min read

    • Article

      I Met Myself Coming Back

      Oct 6, 2022

      I Met Myself Coming Back
      6 min read

    • Article

      Sorry, I’m Busy

      Apr 25, 2024

      Sorry, I’m Busy
      2 min read

    • Article

      Every Hair Casts a Shadow

      Sep 12, 2023

      “They didn’t even choose an interesting battle to commemorate,” Víctor said. “My God, who cares about sinking some British merchant ships—it’s not like it helped them win the war.” He’d removed the lid from the jar of candies we offer to children who

      20 min read

    • Article

      Islanders

      Oct 13, 2022

      Islanders
      8 min read

    • Article

      My Lucky Safari In Tanzania

      Jun 1, 2017

      My Lucky Safari In Tanzania
      11 min read

    • Article

      “Really?”

      Jun 2, 2022

      “Really?”
      6 min read

    • Article

      Wendy RETURNS

      Aug 12, 2020

      “Did you know that the origins of the word ‘cliffhanger’ date back to 1873 and Thomas Hardy’s novel A Pair of Blue Eyes? The book, which was serialised, tells how two rivals compete for the hand of heroine Elfride Swancourt. At the end of one episode

      3 min read

    • Article

      Life In The past Lane

      Aug 27, 2021

      Life In The past Lane
      5 min read

    • Article

      The Scarlet PEBBLE

      Feb 7, 2024

      The Scarlet PEBBLE
      9 min read

    • Article

      Nothing To Fear

      Jan 26, 2021

      Nothing To Fear
      8 min read

    • Article

      Two Poems

      Jan 1, 2019

      What you called a cloud was not a cloud. I am in hell here. Hell is a partywhere I don’t sing, and don’t dance, and someone turns to me and says, “Youare a very pretty girl. Don’t ever forget that.” I spend all night tramping up and down the staircas

      2 min read

    • Article

      Bag Lady

      Jun 15, 2021

      Bag Lady
      6 min read

    • Article

      The little NIGHTINGALE

      Dec 21, 2022

      The little NIGHTINGALE
      9 min read

    • Article

      Supportive Husband

      Sep 12, 2023

      There were less intimate places available, so it was odd when a woman took the seat directly facing mine across the subway aisle. I looked up from my book and right back down: a couple of months before, we’d gone home together. She had a Southern acc

      22 min read

    • Article

      Nugrybauti

      Apr 24, 2019

      Nugrybauti
      8 min read

    • Article

      A Little Love

      Apr 5, 2023

      A Little Love
      7 min read

    • Article

      Ella’s Choice

      Oct 6, 2021

      Ella’s Choice
      7 min read

    • Article

      Haunted

      Sep 27, 2023

      Haunted
      6 min read

    • Article

      A Hampstead MYSTERY

      Oct 19, 2022

      A Hampstead MYSTERY
      9 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for The Many Mini-Adventures of Abner the Gopher

    0 ratings

    0 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      The Many Mini-Adventures of Abner the Gopher - Dan Schwartz

      Introduction

      Hello, and allow me to introduce myself, my name is Abner and I am a gopher. I was once an ordinary gopher, just running multimillion dollar golf greens, but events unfolded and I became a world famous gopher of high praise. These events, you may know, consisted of me aiding in the saving of the world from the tyrannous hands of Mother Nature. After the world was saved, it was in dire need to be rebuilt, which I worked tirelessly to do, but unfortunately I was unable to do so after some time. I was getting the itch for adventure and I was almost bedridden with wanderlust. From the time I met my dearest friends in prison to the saving of the world, I had realized that I had missed so much that life had to offer and at my advanced age, I am not sure how many more adventures I have left in me. I needed to get out and travel far and wide. I told my friends that this is something I must do, and that I must do them alone, as to not put anyone in harms way for my exploratory longings. They were all supportive and sent me on my way with their love packed up.

      I did not go completely alone though, I hired a scribe to follow me, while remaining out of sight, to record my accounts so that one day I may pass my tales along. I gave strict instruction to not interfere and leave me in whatever dangers I get into, even if eminent doom is apparent. I have accepted any consequences that I am placing myself into. That being said, I present you with my voyages and not knowing how they are to turn out, I hope I survive to read about them myself. I hope I enjoy having them and I hope you enjoy reading them.

      Abner Becomes Homeless

      Twas a stormy spring day, and purple sky roared thunderously above. Abner, halfway to his next destination of the World’s Largest Collection of Wristwatch Belts and other Waists of Time, decided it to be safer to seek shelter from the storm, than to continue his travels. Luckily for him, about two furlongs away stood, Restoria, one of the first re-built cities of the area. Abner quickly made his way towards the city, and planned on utilizing the nearest hotel to put him up for the night.

      Abner entered the city and almost immediately noticed a hotel. Abner ran for the hotel as quick as he could, whilst dreaming of the luxury of drying his fur. Abner came to the door, grabbed the handle and felt a sharp pain of the back of his head and everything went black.

      Abner came to many rain drops later as he lay is a large puddle that was growing greater with every passing moment. Abner stood up slowly and rubbed the back of his head wondering what had just happened. He once again attempted to open the door to the hotel, this time with greater success. Abner sloshed his way up to the desk attendant.

      May I have a room for the night, please, Abner requested.

      Smoking or non-smoking? the female desk attendant asked monotonically.

      Non-smoking please, Abner responded, tell me, do all the rooms come equipped with hair dryers?

      Yes, standard. Will you be rooming any pets? the attendant asked, taking a glance at the gopher with a sneer."

      No, just me, can we please hurry this up before I catch myself a death, Abner asked, while ringing out his paws.

      How will you be paying, the attendant asked as her sneer faded.

      Do you accept, Abner stopped as he reached for a wallet that was not there. Abner then realized that he had been mugged in the entryway, and had no money on him. Turns out my wallet was stolen, do you accept payments based on merit or the honor system by any chance?

      No, the attendant informed, no money, no room, no exceptions.

      But, it is pouring outside, Abner pleaded his case, in the morning I can run to the bank and pay you.

      What part of no exceptions do you not understand, the attendant said, adding a harsh tone to her voice. You bums are all the same, every time it rains, you come swarming in here with the same stories of a stolen wallet and promises to pay some other time. Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, get the hell out of my hotel. Now!

      Abner and the attendant exchanged dirty glances at one another before Abner trudged back into the typhoon outside. Abner could hardly believe the nerve of the lady. How could she treat people like that? Abner asked out loud.

      Abner took to the streets of the city, his glasses streaming with water, making it impossible to see anything. Abner needed shelter from the rain; he desperately looked for a bridge, tunnel, gazebo, or subway where he could wait out the storm.

      This is ridiculous, Abner complained to himself. I am soaking wet, and freezing. I can barely see a foot in front of my face. Abner was then kicked in the nose and fell to the ground on his back.

      Gimme you wallet, a hooded figure demanded.

      Sorry, you are too late, Abner answered while laughing. This night could not get any worse, who gets mugged twice in a row.

      Really? the assailant asked.

      Really, Abner answered.

      I am sorry, the mugger apologized, I feel just terrible now; times are tough on all of us. How is your nose?

      It is alright, Abner replied, once again having to stand up from a puddle, I am so cold I can not feel my face anyway.

      Tell you what, for your troubles I will take you back to my place. It is not much but it will get you out of the rain, the apologetic assaulter said while stepping into the light revealing tattered cloths and a disheveled look. The name is Bumbly.

      Abner, Abner introduced.

      Bumbly lead Abner through the streets to an alley, that was filled with garbage cans and covered by a plastic tarp. Welcome to my place, Bumbly announced with arms wide opened.

      This is your home? Abner asked in shock.

      Not exactly, Bumbly corrected. Whoever said home is where the heart is must have been a parasitic roundworm, because there are the homeless out there. Unless that saying implies that we are heartless and if that is the case I am slightly offended. Let me get you some towels to dry off with.

      Abner took a seat, marveling at the kindness displayed before him, with fear of sounding condescending, I just want to say how horrible it is that someone has to live like this.

      Don’t feel bad friend, Bumbly scoffed, throwing his head back, I have been doing this for quite some time. You could say I was a professional, but well that would imply a job which I also don’t have, so I guess scratch that. Bumbly then began ferociously scratching at his stomach and arms. Sorry about the pests, they do get itchy.

      Bumbly fetched the towels and extended them to Abner, who took them gleefully. Abner began drying off his fur which uncomfortably clung to his body. Thank you so much for your hospitality.

      It is the least I could do, I tried to steal for you, Bumbly started, "I have found that to be one of the only ways I can get enough food to feed myself, since no one will give me a job. If you are what you eat, then we homeless are essentially nothing, and that is the

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1