Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    God, Monsters, & Antigrav Underwear
    God, Monsters, & Antigrav Underwear
    God, Monsters, & Antigrav Underwear
    Ebook153 pages1 hour

    God, Monsters, & Antigrav Underwear

    By Robin Reed

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    Are you feeling down? Unhappy? Do you get your recommended daily dose of guffawing? Pick up this book and you will find God’s eating habits, a vampire birthday party, civil rights for zombies, a funeral parlor with an unusual side business, love gone horribly wrong, the unofficial history of the Fourth of July, and many other strange and twisted oddities. Not recommended for reading at work, in a courtroom, at your parole hearing, or any other location where uncontrollable giggling is frowned upon.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherRobin Reed
    Release dateDec 13, 2013
    ISBN9780989924825
    God, Monsters, & Antigrav Underwear
    Author

    Robin Reed

    Robin Reed lives somewhere in the vicinity of Los Angeles, with cats.

    Read more from Robin Reed

    Related to God, Monsters, & Antigrav Underwear

    Related ebooks

    Humor & Satire For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      Let’s Get Philosophical

      Jun 24, 2022

      Let’s Get Philosophical
      8 min read

    • Article

      Modern Forms Of IDOLATRY

      Aug 25, 2023

      Modern Forms Of IDOLATRY
      4 min read

    • Article

      Bob Goff

      May 27, 2022

      Bob Goff
      2 min read

    • Article

      Letters To The EDITOR

      Jun 24, 2022

      Dear readers, we love to hear your thoughts on the stories that we publish, what is going on around the world, and what the Lord has placed on your heart! Email your letter through to editor@joymag.co.za for a chance to be featured – please try to ke

      7 min read

    • Article

      Modern-Day Bodhisattvas

      Sep 18, 2018

      PEMA CHÖDRÖN: There’s an ideal in the Buddhist teachings called the bodhisattva. Bodhisattvas are people whose purpose in life is to alleviate suffering. The main thing they want to do is soothe the sorrows of the world. I’m sure that Father Gregory

      8 min read

    • Article

      Who made GOD?

      Jun 16, 2023

      I have had many secularists mock me as a Christian for believing in an eternal God. They’ve grinned and asked me the question, “So, who made God?” They then claim that it doesn’t make sense to believe in an eternal God. The Bible makes it clear tha

      4 min read

    • Article

      Overcoming Our Separation From God

      Aug 7, 2020

      A few years ago a man wrote an article on News24’s website angrily declaring his atheism. In the opening section of the article, after saying how he used to be a Christian (a claim I seriously doubt), he said the following: “I would now describe mys

      2 min read

    • Article

      Carrie Fountain

      Mar 1, 2020

      Outside Dublin, Texas the radio stationsdisappear and I’m left alone with the faintvoice of a call-in psychologist talkingto a man in Cleveland about the voiceof the self, the narratives that voicetells, how they can be sharp and wrongand cut to the

      5 min read

    • Article

      Good Boy

      Sep 8, 2020

      I’ve always had a problem with introductions. To me, they don’t matter. It’s either you know me or you don’t—you get? If you don’t, the done. Simple. Kick me out of the house at fifteen—a main thing you need to know is that I am a hustler through and

      18 min read

    • Article

      Surrender To Simplicity

      Dec 17, 2020

      Surrender To Simplicity
      4 min read

    • Article

      HOW IS YOUR VISION? 5 Tips To Establish God’s Plan For Your Life

      Jun 24, 2019

      A church in a community bought a piece of property and built a building. They were excited about serving the Lord. They wanted to win the lost for Christ and encourage the believers to live for Jesus. They really had a vision for God. It was their de

      6 min read

    • Article

      Letters To The EDITOR

      Dec 29, 2023

      D ear readers, we love to hear your thoughts on the stories that we publish, what is going on around the world, and what the Lord has placed on your heart! Email your letter through to editor@joymag.co.za for a chance to be featured – please try to k

      7 min read

    • Article

      Your Network Is Everything

      Mar 9, 2021

      Your Network Is Everything
      4 min read

    • Article

      Mighty Men Of Valour

      May 20, 2019

      Many craft shops carry little wooden mannequins on display in the windows of their shops. You would, for instance, find the figure of a man, dressed to go to work, briefcase in his hand, ready for the day, or you would find the figure of a man sittin

      3 min read

    • Article

      High Functioning

      Nov 28, 2018

      High Functioning
      9 min read

    • Article

      Why 'The Guy' From The Office Wants A Spiritual Revolution

      Aug 13, 2023

      Rainn Wilson's book calls for a spiritual revolution in America. And even though he himself is a very funny guy, he is not joking about this at all.

      8 min read

    • Article

      Letters To The Editor

      Nov 27, 2020

      I I believe b that we are living in the end times as we read about in all the books of the Gospel and listen to what Jesus had said. He warned of pestilences and famines. I believe that Covid-19 is one of the pestilences, as well as all the locusts t

      7 min read

    • Article

      Jamie Wheal Meaning 3.0

      Jul 17, 2022

      Jamie Wheal Meaning 3.0
      18 min read

    • Article

      Confession

      Sep 25, 2017

      Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. To such an extent I can't even remember when, where or if I last made confession. The truth is, Father, I don't want to be human any more. The only feeling I have left is pain. Of course you understand, for that

      3 min read

    • Article

      Pete Holmes Talent to Spare

      Apr 30, 2022

      Pete Holmes Talent to Spare
      8 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for God, Monsters, & Antigrav Underwear

    0 ratings

    0 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      God, Monsters, & Antigrav Underwear - Robin Reed

      God, Monsters, and Antigrav Underwear

      Cartoons and Humor by

      Robin Reed

      Smashwords Edition

      Copyright © 2013 Robin Reed

      The illustrations and columns are works of fiction. All characters, situations, and dialog are products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to events or to persons or to deities, living, dead, undead, or omniscient, is strictly coincidental.

      No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission of the publisher.

      Miracle, Don’t Try, and Cavemen first published in National Lampoon Favorite Cartoons of the 21st Century.

      For information visit www.barstowproductions.com

      Book layout by Genius Book Services, www.GeniusBookServices.com

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      Contents

      God

      Love and Family

      Holidays

      Monsters

      Dark

      Money

      Doctors

      Technology

      Animals

      Everything Else

      About Robin Reed

      God

      In His Image

      And God said , Let us make man in our image, after our likeness

      This incomplete sentence from Genesis tells us a lot of stuff about God. If God made man in His image, then logically God is pretty much the shape and size of a male human being. Here He is, creator of an infinite universe, winner of the All Powerful Being of the Year award, and by his own account, he looks pretty much like your uncle Morty.

      So, what we know is, God eats. Can you doubt it? Why would He make humans eat if He doesn’t? I mean, there He is, working on the blueprints for His greatest creation, and He decides to make His creatures shove plants and animal tissue into their mouths on a regular basis. Wouldn’t that thought gross God out if He didn’t do it himself?

      Then the question comes up of what God eats. Does He have a little cosmic garden out back with cosmic zucchini and cosmic tomatoes? Does He hunt cosmic deer or raise cosmic cattle? Does He cook? Does He eat out much? Order pizza? Is He a good tipper? The Bible doesn’t say, so let’s move on. Now, once humans have shoved stuff into their mouths, most of it comes out the other end. Once again, we have to infer, no matter how much it may offend some of you, that God poops. Think about it. He designed us, in His image, with all the power of the universe at His beck and call, and the best way He can imagine to rid our bodies of waste is to push it out holes in our backsides. Why not have a cosmic teleportation organ in each of us that sends waste to a faraway poopy planet? Or make us one hundred percent efficient in the processing of our food so there is no waste? We have to assume that our insides are as much in His image as our outsides.

      This leaves us contemplating the type of toilet that God uses. I like to think He has one of those fancy Japanese toilets that clean His cosmic poopy-hole with warm water and air. Hey, He’s God, he can afford it. I also infer that, since no Mrs. God is ever mentioned in the Bible, that God can pee standing up and never has to put down the toilet seat.

      As long as we’re talking about pee, I wonder if God has a swollen prostate. He’s usually portrayed as an old guy. Does He have to get up several times a night to empty his cosmic bladder?

      Don’t get mad at me if you don’t like this line of thought. I’m just being logical. If we are in His image, then He is in ours. He probably also belches, farts, scratches Himself, and falls asleep watching TV. After all, he has no Mrs. God to make him get up and take the trash out.

      You men are probably saying, He can belch and scratch and watch TV at all hours and never put the toilet seat down and there is no Mrs. God? He really does live in Heaven.

      Soul for Sale

      The other day I decided to sell my soul to the devil. The only problem was, I had no idea how to contact the devil, or even the closest regional manager of Hell, Inc. It’s not like the devil is listed in the yellow pages, unless you count the listing for Microsoft.

      I thought of trying the internet. Hell must have a web page. Any web site name I would be likely to try, though, like sellmysoul.com, faustianbargain.com, or lickmedaddy.com would probably just lead me to a porn site. Oh, I’m sorry, that last one IS my favorite porn site. I shouldn’t have mentioned it.

      However, there I was on the internet, and

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1