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    Healing Me
    Healing Me
    Healing Me
    Ebook107 pages1 hour

    Healing Me

    By Anne Kad

    ()

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    About this ebook

    Caught up in a cycle of sexually,physically and mentally abusive relationships. Anne Kad tells her powerful story of healing and forgiveness. Through tear filled eyes hearts will heal. This is a must read for all women.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAnne Kad
    Release dateJan 19, 2013
    ISBN9780615756165
    Healing Me

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      Book preview

      Healing Me - Anne Kad

      ISBN # 13: 978-0615756165

      ISBN # 10: 0615756166

      Prelude

      First and foremost: I want to say Thank You

      Copyright © 2013 by Anne Kad

      All names have been changed. This document can not be copied or reproduced without prior permission from author.

      Thank you to God for giving me the strength and the drive to put my secrets on paper. Thank you for giving me the courage to take down my walls so that others may heal from my story. Thank you for replacing my anger and resentment with love, healing, understanding and most of all, forgiveness. Thank you for never turning your back on me even though I turned my back on you. Thank you God for picking me up when I was finally so broken that I could no longer pick myself up. Thank you for covering me with your shield, wrapping me in your arms and carrying me home. Thank you for my family and my husband who have loved me through thick and thin. Thank you for Megan who spent many hours polishing and editing this book to get ready for print. Friends like her are few and far between. Thank you for the friends and the family I have gained on this long journey, I am so grateful for them. Our hardships have given us a stronger bond that I embrace and cherish more than anything I can express. Thank you Father God for encouragement I have received from the people around me. Thank you Father for using the people in my book to remind me that we are simply human; we all make mistakes and it is your mercy that covers us and heals our pain.

      Mature Audience

      Just a note this book is meant for a mature audience. I made the choice while writing this book to stick to the story as I remember it. I have quoted people in the book using foul language simply to get what I was feeling across to readers. Honesty was my policy while writing my book simply to help validate the feelings of others who have been in my shoes. This book is meant to be a reminder that no matter how long or rough the road has been, no matter how weak you are, God has a plan for you. Don’t give up!

      I pray that as you read through the pages of this book, God will bring healing to you. I pray that the pain and resentment you have carried so long is released from you. I pray as you turn the pages of this book the guilt burdening your soul is released from you. I pray that you will come to an understanding through reading this book, that we all make mistakes because we are all human. Although humans may not be able to fix themselves once they are broken, God picks us up and makes us new.

      My family and I have had our struggles, we have had our misunderstandings. We have carried resentment, towards ourselves and one another. Thankfully God lifted that from us and replaced it with faith, love and forgiveness. Just remember we are human, we are not God!

      Healing Me

      Anne Kad

      29,356 Words

      Chapter One:

      A Stupid Question

      July 7th 2009 …… I’m sitting here in the airport in Atlanta Georgia surrounded by the voices of strangers; people talking to each other and laughing. People are talking on phones; transporters are beeping to warn walkers as they pass by. It’s a familiar hum, much different from the hum of Spanish speakers I heard hours ago.

      Just hours earlier I was boarding a plane from Bogota, Colombia back to the U.S. feeling nervous yet protected at the same time. The past week has been an experience I have been stepping closer to my whole life. It was proof that God has been working with me guiding me through every moment of my time on earth.

      Can I ask you a stupid question? My uncle asked previously that day as we made the drive back from Villavicencio to Bogota. How did you end up with a guy like Gar anyway?

      I laughed out loud and replied That is a stupid question!

      Well I’m not trying to pry, I’m just curious. He stated as I felt a cold chill run down my spine.

      I Guess I just made a lot of stupid choices. I replied. I could feel old wounds resurfacing as I sat in the passenger seat of my uncles 30 year old jeep.

      You seem like a smart girl, I just wondered why smart girls make stupid decisions. He remarked while navigating the windy roads through the mountains.

      I could feel the tears start welling up in my eyes. I just made a bunch of stupid decisions when I was younger. I was just a mess.

      But why? he asked, You don’t have to tell me I just wondered. He was digging deep and my guard was starting to come down. I knew it was all about to pour out of me to someone who only a week before had known nothing about my personal life with the exception of what he heard from other relatives.

      When we were little, my siblings and I played doctor. Like some kids do. (I had two siblings Mitchel and Lyndsey.) It was all coming out now, the flood gates were opening as my attempt to hide my tears became useless. I guess that’s normal even though Mitchel was seven years older than me. I shook as my words continued to release hidden secrets about my past. It wasn’t so much the actual incident that messed with me. I guess it was the way my parents responded to it. I continued on. My sister tried to tell them.

      I proceeded to tell my uncle about the day my sister tried to tell my mom, I was about 4 years old at the time. I remember my fear when my sister said she was going to tell our mom. That day we sat in the Sears parking lot waiting for my mother to come out of the store. The threat of our secret being told to my mother struck fear into me deeper than anything I had ever known. I was convinced that my mother finding out about our behaviors would get us kicked out of the house or worse. I could feel myself crying inside and the hot fear on my face as my mother opened the car door.

      My sister told my mom what had been going on, that private parts had not been so private. She told my mom about our little game we called doctor, our dirty secret that would make us hated forever. My mom turned to my brother and asked him if it was true, he said no. She then turned to me asking me the same question. I followed Mitchels lead saying no, implying that Lyndsey (my sister) had lied.

      Looking back at my sister, my mother angrily told my sister never to say anything like that again. She then told my sister she would need to go to her room when she got home because now she was grounded.

      This memory and the fear it caused stayed forever etched in my mind. It played behind the scenes in many of my choices, worst of all it told me that it was wrong to tell. I was sure that if I ever spoke about this secret I would be kicked out of the house for good. It was my dirty little secret that I was forbidden to share.

      My uncles beat up jeep continued on down the road coming out of the mountains into the city. The outer edges of the city consisted of dilapidated buildings, run down shacks and squatters homes which appeared to be a mixture of metal, cloth and some wood made into a shelters.

      The conversation continued on, I felt as if I was having my first therapy session to deal with things that have torn me apart most my life.

      I was now thirty years old. Most my life I had been living in a cycle that was very repetitive and self destructive. I believed that my feelings and the way I reacted to certain situations was something I had to deal with alone. Worst of all I had believed that the way I felt was wrong, always living with regret and guilt. If others knew they would call me dirty, a slut or a whore. They would tell me I was nothing; say I was cheap, worthless. That’s how I felt, worthless.

      I told my uncle about an incident in high school that I

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