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    Guiding 'Difficult' Children
    Guiding 'Difficult' Children
    Guiding 'Difficult' Children
    Ebook130 pages2 hours

    Guiding 'Difficult' Children

    By Joseph Koob II

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    About this ebook

    The focus of this book is not only about helping you to guide your children through concerns that arise during their early years (0-18), but it is even more about enjoying your children. They do grow up, much faster than we expect. Take advantage of the tremendous joy they can bring into your life and the vast understanding of life that they provide. You will be glad you did.

    Children can add an incredible amount to our lives: they bring joy; in many ways they bring us an education far beyond anything we learn in school; and they also, certainly, can bring us problems and concerns that we need to deal with.

    As a parent you probably are aware that there are many resources available related to raising children. What makes this book different? Perhaps it is simply that I, while having a psychology and educational background, will focus on what I think are the basics in being successful with children. Much of child raising is, as you will see, centered on two key ideas: love – caring for them and letting them know you care; and providing them structure – so they are prepared for the world as it comes at them.

    What is in this book I used while raising my children, and in working with children throughout my professional life. I was either lucky, or these techniques worked. I hope you will find what is contained within clear, concise, and direct.

    Children are a great deal of responsibility. It is important that as parents, even in the most difficult of times, that we try to keep in mind our critical role in the development of our children. Everything we do with them, to them, for them, and in their presence is part of their life education.

    I truly hope this book will be of benefit to you as a parent or parent to be. You are in for the wild and exciting adventure of raising a child. Make sure you take the time to enjoy it.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJoseph Koob II
    Release dateNov 21, 2012
    ISBN9781301433216
    Guiding 'Difficult' Children
    Author

    Joseph Koob II

    Dr. Koob is one of the foremost authorities on "Understanding and Working with Difficult People" with a dozen books, including "Succeeding with Difficult Coworkers," Managing Difficult Employees," and "Succeeding with Difficult Bosses".He is founder and owner of Metacoach LLC and Difficultpeople.org which has the world’s most extensive materials available on Working with Difficult People and through Difficult Situations. His range of experience includes 20+ years as a college educator/manager/director, executive and personal coach, and as a motivational speaker. He does business trainings and seminars throughout the United States and Canada, and has appeared on radio and TV. Dr. Koob works with clients around the world as a business and personal coach, software designer, and educator. Dr. Koob is a dynamic speaker whose down-to-earth style, imbued with humor and practicality, is popular with audiences throughout the United States. Practical and inspirational topics include Management and Leadership; Communicating with Difficult People; Time Management; Stress Management; “How to Have More Fun at Work,” “Proud to be an American,” and others. B. Mus, DePauw Univ. M. A. Montclair State Univ. M. S. in Counseling, Northern State Univ. Doctorate in Education; Univ. of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign

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      Book preview

      Guiding 'Difficult' Children - Joseph Koob II

      Guiding ‘Difficult’ Children

      Dr. Joseph Koob

      Copyright 2012, Joseph Koob

      Smashwords Edition

      Cover Illustration by Robert Haselier

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      For more information and for inquiries visit http://www.difficultpeople.org

      A difficultpeople.org publication

      Table of Contents

      Preface

      Chapter 1: Introduction

      Chapter 2: Key Ideas

      Chapter 3: Stages of Development

      Chapter 4: Infancy—Birth through 1 year

      Chapter 5: Toddlers—1 to 3

      Chapter 6: Toddlers—Structure and Discipline

      Chapter 7: Little Ladies/Little Men--4 to 5

      Chapter 8: Structure and Discipline—4 to 5

      Chapter 9: The Early School Years—6 to 12

      Chapter 10: Structure and Discipline—6 to 12

      Chapter 11: Teenagers

      Chapter 12: Teenagers—difficult times?

      Chapter 13: Dealing with Difficult Behaviors

      Chapter 14: Wrapping up

      Appendix: About difficultpeople.org

      Bibliographies

      ***

      Preface

      This book has been a labor of love. I thoroughly enjoyed my children while they were growing up, and while I am sure I, like most parents, made some mistakes in the process, ultimately they seem to be doing well. Children can add an incredible amount to our lives: they bring joy; in many ways they bring us an education far beyond anything we learn in school; and they also, certainly, can bring us problems and concerns that we need to deal with. But then, that IS how we learn.

      The focus of this book is not only about helping you to guide your children through concerns that arise during their early years, but it is even more about enjoying your children. They do grow up, much faster than we expect. Take advantage of the tremendous joy they can bring into your life and the vast understanding of life that they provide. You will be glad you did.

      I have written this book in a practical, experiential style and format. While I may occasionally draw some insight from the child developmental literature, I prefer to ‘say it like it is’ (and how it ‘has been’ for me in my parenting experiences). Therefore this is ‘from the heart’ and not weighed down with technical jargon or vast descriptions of the ‘psychology’ of child-rearing.

      As a parent you probably are aware that there are many resources available related to raising children. What makes this book different? Perhaps it is simply that I, while having a psychology and educational background, will focus on what I think are the basics in being successful with children. Much of child raising is, as you will see, centered on two key ideas: love – caring for them and letting them know you care; and providing them structure – so they are prepared for the world as it comes at them.

      What is in this book I used while raising my children, and in working with children throughout my professional life. I was either lucky, or these techniques worked. I hope you will find what is contained within clear, concise, and direct. There will be a fair amount of repetition because that is how we learn, and because the really important ideas need to be understood thoroughly.

      I will use illustrations throughout from my own experience. I hope these serve to show you how some circumstances can be handled. Ultimately your best success will be when you follow your heart and when you create an environment for your children that serves to enhance their growth and safety. In any given circumstance, if you keep these key ideas in mind, YOU are the only person who can make the right decisions.

      I try to give you very good, tried and true, general principles from which to build your child-rearing capabilities. This book, however, does not specifically detail recommendations for such things as potty-training, feeding, developmental methodology, etc. I apply the principles I outline to concerns that may arise. There are many excellent books that go into vast specifics if you are interested in such. My aim here is to establish a solid foundation of ideas, tools, and skills YOU can apply to a wide variety of situations, including ‘difficult’ situations that may arise as you guide your child through life.

      My qualifications

      As the parent of two children I have had and continue to have the direct experience of raising children. I also spent most of my 900 hours of counseling internship (Masters of Science in Counseling) under the guidance of a child psychologist, and with pre-teens and adolescents (Boys and Girls Club, etc.). As an educator I have worked with young people from five years old through college level for many years, both individually (private music lessons) and in groups (chamber music, orchestras, classes). I have also worked as a volunteer in service organizations in a variety of capacities throughout my life: Boy Scouts, work with the handicapped in a wide variety of venues, YMCA, and so on. My experiences as a counselor, mentor, and coach have also often been with children and/or with their parents.

      Thanks

      My thanks to all the usual suspects: Heath Potter, my original web designer; Lisa, my wife, Anne D. whose wisdom has helped so much over the years on drafts, and many others for their willingness to read my ramblings and over support. And a special thanks to Marty Dobkins (http://www.MarJimBooks.com) for doing the formatting for this e-book presentation.

      Special thanks to my children for being the special people you are, and to all children because you are all special. I hope you know this.

      Chapter 1 Introduction

      First of all as the author of many books on Understanding and Working with Difficult People I should make it clear that I do not see children as difficult. Yes, they can test us at times and seem ‘difficult.’ How we adjust to the challenge of raising our children is the issue that we really are addressing in this book.

      I will not try to define a difficult child. I will discuss a variety of behaviors that we, as parents, find difficult in our children. More than this, however, I will often focus on what we can do to circumvent difficult behaviors before they are manifested. In my experience as a father and as an educator the real key to being successful with children comes down to how we treat them – it is never too late to change your approach.

      Whether we are guiding our children in a way that helps prevent difficult behaviors from manifesting, or trying to work through difficult behaviors that currently exist, the knowledge and tools we need are essentially the same.

      Children are children

      The most important idea to keep in mind when working with children of all ages (for purposes of this book we will focus on ages from infancy through the teenage years), is that children see the world from a vastly different perspective than we do. The realm of developmental psychology is concerned with this key factor. [See Bibliography for recommended readings.]

      We live in a world where children are impacted by a myriad of sights, sounds, and experiences from day one. We can protect them from some of this, but ultimately we need to provide them with the means to cope successfully with all of it. Part of that has to be our understanding, as best we might, where THEY are coming from. Our understanding is very important to being successful with them when they are being ‘difficult’ from our perspective.

      Children are naturally curious. They do want to get into everything, and they seem, at all ages, to have an incredible amount of energy and vibrant joy of life. Our job as parents is not to stifle or control this exuberance, but to show them and teach them the skills and understanding of how to grow and live within our culture joyously and successfully.

      Exceptional Children

      All children are different, and in the eyes of their parents, exceptional. Some parents are indeed, however, blessed with children who have special needs. While this book does not specifically discuss these children, I would like to take a moment to address these concerns.

      I believe that much of what is in this book is applicable to all children, especially the key ideas presented in the next chapter. Those who have worked with exceptional children know that there are many challenges and rewards along the way.

      Special needs children include: children with medical concerns (chronic and acute); handicapped children (physically, emotionally, and mentally); exceptionally bright children; ADD and ADHD children, and others (please excuse my not delineating further).

      I salute parents of exceptional children. It takes courage, fortitude, perseverance, and love, mostly love, to succeed with them, but you probably already knew this. It is amazing how well they can teach us these things.

      A word about labels

      As a counselor and educator I have far too often seen labels applied and misused by professionals and lay people alike. Every child is different, and labels, while

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