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    The Bible Naked: Genesis
    The Bible Naked: Genesis
    The Bible Naked: Genesis
    Ebook85 pages1 hour

    The Bible Naked: Genesis

    By Sam Warren

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    About this ebook

    This book is a humorous, factual rewrite of the Bible in the vernacular. In it, you will find plenty of sex, rapes, incest, violence, fratricide, genocide, slavery, myths, abuse of women and children, false prophecies, contradictions, and other inconsistencies and errors that reveal that the Bible should be an X-Rated book, not a holy book.
    By reading this eBook, you will get a good and true overview of the whole Bible without all the boring stuff. My purpose in writing this book is that I could hardly believe that there were people who could read the Bible and seriously think it was a moral guide dictated by a god. This is especially true for our leaders.
    People reading this book already know that the Bible is not infallible. So you have my permission to give this book away – especially to believers with enough intelligence to comprehend it. However, if people pay for it, it will raise the awareness of the book in ratings and more will see it. Maybe then it will trickle down to those who really need to read it.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherSam Warren
    Release dateJun 9, 2012
    ISBN9780945949800
    The Bible Naked: Genesis
    Author

    Sam Warren

    I write books but I mostly publish and/or format books for clients. Am the president of the San Diego Writers/Editors Guild.

    Read more from Sam Warren

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      Book preview

      The Bible Naked - Sam Warren

      The Bible Naked, Genesis

      Written by Sam Warren

      FREE SMASHWORDS EDITION

      Copyright 2012 Sam Warren

      The complete Bible Naked, the Greatest Fraud Ever Told and other titles published by Bookwarren in both print and eBook editions can be purchased online or at your favorite bookstore.

      ISBN: 978-0-945949-80-0

      By reading this eBook, you will get a good and true overview of the whole Bible without all the boring stuff. My purpose in writing this book is that I could hardly believe that there were people who could read the Bible and seriously think it was a moral guide dictated by a god. This is especially true for our leaders.

      People reading this book already know that the Bible is not infallible. So you have my permission to give this book away – especially to believers with enough intelligence to comprehend it. However, if people pay for it, it will raise the awareness of the book in ratings and more will see it. Maybe then it will trickle down to those who really need to read it.

      This book is a humorous, factual rewrite of the Bible in the vernacular. In it, you will find plenty of sex, rapes, incest, violence, fratricide, genocide, slavery, myths, abuse of women and children, false prophecies, contradictions, and other inconsistencies and errors that reveal that the Bible should be an X-Rated book, not a holy book.

      Bookwarren Publishing Services

      Division of Warren Communications

      3922 Eighth Ave., Studio 1, San Diego, CA 92103

      Emailto:info@Bookwarren.com

      http://www.bookwarren.com

      http://www.biblical-illumination.org

      If you find some errors in this book, just remember that I'm not God.

      Sam@Bookwarren.com

      There are none so blind as those who will not see.

      — John Heywood, 1546

      If you can still believe in the Bible as the infallible word of God after reading this book, I’ll refund your money.

      Chapter 1: Before Genesis

      The word Genesis means creation or beginning and is related to the word generate. Its Hebrew name is bereshith (I think that it is pronounced something like bear shit). And the Jewish scholars and scribes while in exile in Babylon did create a fine fable, mixing in oral history, assorted old documents, Samarian and Babylonian myths, and historical fiction surpassing even Aesop's Fables for durability.

      If you are a real Christian, you have to believe in the Adam and Eve myth. Without it, you don't have original sin. Without original sin, there is no reason for JC to be nailed up on the cross.

      The creation myth wasn’t even Hebrew, but was plagiarized from an early Samarian myth, modified by the Babylonians and then co-opted by the Jews for their Yahveh god only without the polytheism and human sacrifices. However, there are still traces of polytheism and human sacrifices left in. Yahveh was a patriarchal tribal war-god who wanted blood sacrifices, including human. He was one of many gods at that time, most of them were matriarchal. The male gods won.

      In the beginning God created Heaven and earth. Actually I think that we created God. Most of you are familiar with the Creation story – the seven days, the rib, talking snake, apple, etc. But did you know that there are three versions of the creation? One was written by the northern tribes of Israel and the second by the southern tribes of Judah. The problem was solved by combining then into a third version. Unlike today, accuracy in reporting was not all that important. Facts were never allowed to ruin a good story. So you will sometimes find two or more versions of the same story. The fundies (fundamentalist) say they believe in the creation story but don’t say which one. And you can't believe in both because they don't match.

      The Hebrew word for God is Elohim which means gods – plural. Early Jewish scribes are thought to have edited out most of the mentions of polytheism but some still remain. One example is Genesis 3:22 Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil ... Another is Genesis 11:7 ...let US go down and there confound their language...

      The first five books of the Bible (bible is another word for book) are called The Pentateuch and are also called The Book of the Law by the Jews and were supposed to have been written by Moses. That would have been very difficult as not only was Moses’ own death recorded in them, there are different styles of writing. It might surprise you to learn that most of the books of the Pentateuch were reverse plagiarism. The books were given the name of famous prophets to give them more cachet and we will never know who really started the oral version or who wrote them down with additional modifications.

      There were three sets of documents used to put together the first part of the Old Testament (OT). The E Documents were completed in about 750 BCE (Before Common Era). It gets its name because God was called Elohim in Hebrew.

      The J Documents were written by scribes in the Southern Kingdom in about 500 BCE. It gets its name from Jehovah, also a word for God, and was compiled by the Southern Kingdom. The P Document, also called the Priestly Document, was created by the priests and scribes of the Northern Kingdom during the Babylonian exile of their intelligentsia. The P document was compiled by combining the E and J Documents plus some other documents that were just lying around and, Bingo!, you’ve got the start of a world-class best seller.

      You will find as you read this book that God evolves from a physical, superman kind of war-god limited by tribe and territory with a body and who lives somewhere up in the sky or in a box that is carried around, into a modern, spiritual god who lives in another dimension called Heaven and sends us to Hell if we believe gays should be allowed to marry.

      In Sunday school I was told that no one knew where the Garden of Eden was. But it is not the Garden of Eden but the Garden in Eden. Eden is a place mentioned in other parts of the OT and is located in modern Iraq. Some of our soldiers probably have been killed in the Garden. The three rivers mentioned in Genesis were in Babylon and two are in present-day Iraq. Some scholars believe the third river

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