Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed & Totally Sober)
By Harlan Cohen
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About this ebook
From Harlan Cohen, the bestselling author of THE NAKED ROOMMATE: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run into in College, comes GETTING NAKED, an honest, hopeful guide to getting a date, falling in love—or lust—and finding happiness in love (and in life). With a simple 5-step approach to finding the love of your life, Harlan answers the most commonly asked questions from his syndicated advice column, his college tours, his website, and his newest book for Gen Y. He helped a generation make the most of college life, now he'll help them find the love of their lives.
Harlan Cohen
HARLAN COHEN is The New York Times bestselling author of The Naked Roommate series and six other titles. His books have sold over 1 million copies in print in multiple languages. Harlan is a speaker who helps thousands of students, parents, educators, and professionals every year. He is also the founder and editor-in-chief of Before College TV.
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Getting Naked - Harlan Cohen
PART I
Why We Think Men Are Assholes, Women Are Bitches, and Couples in Love Suck
Our Informal Relationship Education
We learn to read. We learn to write. But no one teaches us how to find a date or how to find the love of our life. It’s all just supposed to happen.
We flirt on Facebook, secretly stare at our crushes, and wait for IT to happen. We go to school dances, hang out, hook up, date, fall in love, and break up. When it all ends, we have no idea where, when, or how it all happened. In the meantime we are bombarded with images, status updates, and articles about love, lust, and getting lucky. Even sixteen-year-olds are getting pregnant on reality television while we’re longing for love. We look for guidance, but there isn’t much out there. Most parents don’t know how it happened or are still struggling to find answers. Friends who find themselves in relationships don’t know how it happened. And porn sites don’t exactly offer a lot of practical dating advice.
BEST DATING ADVICE #620–#625
#620. Never date someone you can’t see without makeup on.
—from a best friend
#621. Quit beating yourself up and being such a dumbass.
—from a father
#622. I never received dating advice. I’m gay and live in a homophobic town.
—from no one
#623. If you’re willing to let his penis inside you, you should be able to talk to him.
—from a friend
#624. Don’t make a boy your everything; when he’s gone, you’re left with nothing.
—from a sister
#625. Be genuine from the very beginning. It is a waste of your time to win over someone who isn’t going to like who you really are.
—from my parents
We spend years receiving a formal education so we can go find a career that feeds our passion, but little time learning how to find passion in our relationships. Some of us move on to college to get a more formal education. It’s during the college years we learn that we don’t need to know anything about how to find love to hook up or fall in love. All we need is beer, a buzz (alcohol speeds up the process), and to spend a lot of time in rooms with a lot of people. Dating isn’t about exploring options; rather, it’s about fortunate accidents. It’s a game of luck and hoping something sticks. And this is when it all gets sticky. It’s a lot of trial and error, but after a few tries most of us don’t have the emotional stamina to continue. That’s when we hate, hide, give up looking, hope it happens when we least expect it, or settle for the least offensive option until something better comes along.
When we look back at what went wrong, there are five lessons we learn during our informal education that set the stage for drama and confusion.
My biggest fear is being hurt, used, or rejected. It has made me less likely to try dating or talking to guys I’m interested in. It makes it difficult to have the courage to approach someone and talk to