Guys Like Girls Who . . .

© 2008 by Chad Eastham

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Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from The Message by Eugene H. Peterson, Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked niv are from the HOLY BIBLE: NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Eastham, Chad, 1980– Guys like girls who— / Chad Eastham.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN-13: 978-1-4003-1300-6

1. Man-woman relationships—Religious aspects—Christianity. 2. Teenage girls.

3. Adolescence. I. Title.

BT705.8.E26 2008

248.8’33—dc22

2008019270

08 09 10 11 12 RRD 5 4 3 2 1

Information about External Hyperlinks in this ebook

Please note that footnotes in this ebook may contain hyperlinks to external websites as part of bibliographic citations. These hyperlinks have not been activated by the publisher, who cannot verify the accuracy of these links beyond the date of publication.

Dedication

To Laura, who is now my wife and still really likes

me . . . and that makes me feel all funny inside.

Sean, you are a great friend and have helped me

in my conversations, faith, work, and

sarcasm . . . ever since puberty.

A special thanks to Coffee. If you were a

person, I would hug you.

contents

Introduction

1. Are Born

2. Wear Jeans

3. Can Dance

4. Are Not Guys

5. Eat Tofu

6. Have Only One Face

7. Leave Us Alone

8. Have a Life

9. Can Spell

10. Can High-Five and Punch

11. LOL & TTYL

12. Can Speak Clearly

13. Can Read Directions

Acknowledgments

Notes

introduction

awkward moments

I can hear a pin drop. I’m not alone, but I can hear a whisper from a mile away. The weird thing is that I am staring at a giant arena of over ten thousand girls and they are staring back at me, and we are all completely silent. Kind of awkward, huh? Now, a group of ten girls being completely silent is highly unlikely. A room of ten thousand of them in total silence—unbelievable. What on this earth could have caused such rapt attention?

I have just said, Guys like girls who . . .

And then . . . silence.

Something has become unbelievably obvious to me every time this happens. Guys and girls have a hard time understanding each other. I am blown away by how intensely every girl is listening as they wait for me to finish the statement. In these small moments it becomes clear to me: girls want to know about guys, and guys want to look at girls. I mean . . . wait . . . know about girls.

Okay, guys like both of those things. The bottom line is that we all want to understand each other. There are a thousand things we do differently, from girls’ natural ability to match colors and outfits to the amount of video game hours boys log, from the few emotional words guys tend to use to the abundant vocabulary girls seem to have for every thought and feeling known to man. These differences are sometimes frustrating and confusing, but mostly they are intriguing, and so we desire to know more about that person across the room.

Do you know the answer to the statement Guys like girls who . . .? I know the answer; do you? In fact, a lot of guys know the answer, even if they don’t think they do. It is played out in their actions, their beliefs, their friendships, and their relationships. It’s really important, and I promise you will be able to understand it.

I’m here to tell you what guys like in girls. It’s also important to talk about the things that they don’t like. Why? you might ask. That’s easy. We are around each other all the time; we should probably try to learn about one another. Do you wonder about guys? What they like, dislike; why they are fun, confusing, hardheaded, and softhearted? Well, if you picked up this book, of course you do. If you got it by mistake, maybe you can hurry and return it and still get a refund. But for the rest of you, the answer is a definitive yes.

So here are a few questions for you to ponder as we get started. You can write down your answers or just think about them for a moment.

• Why do certain guys go after certain girls in your class but not you?

• Why are some guys so obsessed with sex instead of actually liking girls for who they are?

• Why is it that certain girls seem to attract great guys and other girls seem to attract disrespectful guys who can act like jerks?

• Why do some girls not seem to get any attention at all from guys?

• Do you think that you attract good guys or bad guys?

• What are five things that you think guys are mostly attracted to in girls?

• Are those five things positive or negative? Healthy or unhealthy?

• Do you know the type of guys that you attract? And is this pure coincidence or do you think that it would be predictable?

If you wonder about these things, guess what? You’re very normal. The teen scene can be a whirlwind. Mix that with the amount of schoolwork you have, the world of dating, your social life, sports, hobbies, your parents, siblings, three thousand texts a month, a lack of sleep, and reading this book and you can have a lot going on. Understanding the opposite sex takes a great deal of effort. But you can do it. You also have to do it. You won’t always have homework, but you will always have relationships. The earlier you start understanding them, the better. It’s kind of like doing your homework way ahead of time—although I never knew what that was like. Don’t worry, though. Learning about one another is a whole lot more fun than studying for a geography quiz. It can even be really encouraging, as things that once seemed hazy and maybe even weird start making some sense. I hope you’ll see it that way too.

UNCERTAINTY

My relatives tell me to act ladylike.

I can’t

Swear

Punch people

Wear jeans with rips or

Get a crew cut (not like I wanted one).

I must

Wear dresses

Drink tea, with one lump of sugar

Sew

Cook

Act dainty.

Some of my friends tell me to act like a girl.

I can’t

Beat up my enemies

Sit with boys at lunch (without getting teased)

Laugh at things boys think are funny.

I must

Giggle when a guy talks to me

Be boy-crazy

Talk about boys, not horses

Eat salad to maintain my slim figure (huh?).

Why can’t I be

Me? ¹

—Cathy Holland, Williamstown, MA, grade 8

Let me start with telling you what this book is NOT. It’s not a book on what to do to get the opposite sex to like you. It’s not a text book about things guys love or hate about girls. Besides, I would never make you read a text book in your spare time. It is NOT 338 tips on how to be sexy, sassy, mysterious, taller, better than other girls, or anything dramatic of that sort. Most of those books and magazines tell you to play games to get something out of the opposite sex. Twenty tips on how to be a great flirt and 18.3 ways to make someone fall in love with your eyelashes is . . . kind of silly for real life. These things don’t talk about real value. They don’t help you really understand how to have great friendships. They don’t help with successful dating. They don’t build relationships and understanding, and they never last in the long run.

Now let me tell you what I am NOT. Even though I’m considered a teen culture expert, I don’t pretend to know everything. There isn’t always one answer to tough questions, just like there isn’t a cookie-cutter way to have great relationships. This stuff is complicated. It’s also a lot of fun. But I do spend lots of time learning, listening, and studying relationships between teens. I can tell you that I know a good deal about teens. Mostly because you talk a lot, and I like to ask questions, and being a research geek helps.

We are different, and the more we understand those differences, the happier and healthier we will be. The better relationships and friendships we will have. The more we will know what we want in our relationships and also what we don’t want. We will be happier not just with the opposite sex but in every aspect of our lives.

DO YOU THINK?

Do you think

That being a woman

Is pretty, prim, and precise?

Showing off your body,

Flirting with the guys

Putting on mascara

So it covers your beautiful eyes

Driving around with your rich boyfriend

That’s all very well

Are you trying to impress us?

Well you’re not doing so well . . . ²

—from the Lawrence School, Brookline, MA

This book is about understanding how all aspects of your life affect your relationships. It’s only partly about guys; it’s mostly about you. It’s about understanding who you are and Whose you are. It’s about understanding and honestly believing that you are of great value because God created you. He loves you, and because he loves you, you are able to love others. Plus, I think God wants us to understand and enjoy one another.

So if any of that sounds interesting or important, keep reading. I hope I can give you a small glimpse into guys’ hearts and minds, with the intent to help you better understand guys and better understand yourself in relationship to guys. What do you think? Is that flashy enough for you? So here is your sneak peek into the interesting, funny, goofy, intriguing, good-smelling, bad-smelling, and uniquely different world of guys.

Chapter 1

are born

Looking for an answer to the title of this book? Then consider the following: guys like girls who . . . are born.

Yeah . . . that’s it. It’s actually pretty simple. You were born, weren’t you? If you are reading this, then most likely you are alive; therefore at some point there’s a good chance you were born. If this isn’t the case, then I don’t know what to say. If you were born, keep reading.

And you may not know this about yourself, but you were born with a very specific DNA trait in your body. It’s called girl. Congratulations on being born; you win. You were born with your girl-ness; therefore guys are going to like you. So, if I could give a simpler title to this book, it would be . . .

Guys Like Girls. The end.

Chad: Hey, Ryan, do you like girls?

Ryan: Um . . . yeah, dude, what kind of question is

that?

Chad: Why do you like them?

Ryan: I don’t know, man, they’re girls . . . Why

wouldn’t I like them? They’re girls. I like girls,

okay?

Seriously, this is what it boils down to. Not too much more is needed in this equation. You are a girl, right? Great . . . then you have the most important part down. The hardest part is already done. Now, there may be some traits that make you more or less desirable to certain types of guys. There are behaviors and characteristics that attract certain guys and repel others. Then of course there are different stages of the whole guy/girl process depending on your age. But . . . very simply, stop and just realize that we are already made for one another. What I mean is this: God made us incomplete. Our differences complement each other.

Girls think about attraction, dating, boyfriends, and basically all things romantic much more than guys. This may not apply to every girl, but the majority of girls think about these things from a younger age than boys. It’s because your brain develops earlier than ours. Shhhhh . . . don’t tell any guys I said that.

Your brains are designed so that both hemispheres work together simultaneously from an early age. I’m talking about that multitasking stuff you’re really great at. Talking on the phone while doing your homework while painting your toenails while making food while laying out your outfit for the next day while thinking about the thing someone said that was really cute today. You know . . . multitasking. Even if you don’t think you have this gift, the odds are you are better at it than most guys. Guys, on the other hand, think about one thing at a time. Then they think about something different.

Here’s another example: guys are not always gentle. If there were only guys on earth, then there would be a lot more angry stuff going on. We would smack each other a lot more, be less sensitive, and so on. What I mean is that a girl is sometimes the natural reminder that we need to be gentle, respectful, sensitive, and caring. It’s almost like a girl reminds us of the grace of God without us consciously knowing it.

God has the incredibly rough, tough, grungy, brute strength that we can recognize when boys are wrestling in the dirt. But he is also an unbelievably kind,