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    Best A Man Walks Into a Bar . . . Jokes
    Best A Man Walks Into a Bar . . . Jokes
    Best A Man Walks Into a Bar . . . Jokes
    Ebook123 pages1 hour

    Best A Man Walks Into a Bar . . . Jokes

    By Billy Brownless

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    About this ebook

    A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. He asks the bartender, "How much?" "For you, sir, no charge." Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer.""I can't serve you," says the bartender. "You're Bard!" Everyone has their own favorite man-walks-into-a-bar joke. This is a collection of more than 200 of the best—or should that be worst? It includes the old favorites, the most stupid, the funniest, the brainbenders, the politically incorrect, the great puns, and the really, really bad puns.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAllen Unwin
    Release dateDec 1, 2009
    ISBN9781741769241
    Best A Man Walks Into a Bar . . . Jokes

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      Book preview

      Best A Man Walks Into a Bar . . . Jokes - Billy Brownless

      A MAN WALKS

      INTO A BAR...

      THE BEST

      A MAN WALKS

      INTO A BAR...

      JOKES

      Billy Brownless

      First published in 2009

      Copyright © Billy Brownless 2009

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or 10% of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to Copyright Agency Limited (CAL) under the Act.

      Allen & Unwin 83

      Alexander Street

      Crows Nest NSW 2065

      Australia

      Phone:      (61 2) 8425 0100

      Fax:           (61 2) 9906 2218

      Email:        info@allenandunwin.com

      Web:         www.allenandunwin.com

      National Library of Australia

      Cataloguing-in-Publication entry:

      Brownless, Anthony William, 1967-

      A man walks into a bar…: the best jokes / Billy Brownless.

      ISBN: 978 1 74237 156 6 (pbk.)

      Subjects: Bars (Drinking establishments)—Humour.

      Australian wit and humour.

      647.940207

      Text design by Pauline Haas, Bluerinse Setting

      Typesetting by Megan Ellis

      Printed in Australia by McPherson’s Printing Group

      1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

      Have a frothie on me

      and enjoy the read!

      Jokes that everyone has heard a thousand times already but they’re (mostly) still funny

      Jokes about celebrities or well-known people

      Jokes I don’t get (but brainy people might)

      CONTENTS

      Man’s best friend

      Did you hear the one about …

      Food & drink

      It takes all sorts

      All creatures great and small

      The office

      A few too many …

      More creatures great and small

      WAGs

      Mature audiences only

      MAN’S

      BEST

      FRIEND

      A MAN WALKS INTO A BARwith his little Jack Russell terrier. He puts the dog on the barstool next to his. The bartender wanders over and the man says, ‘I’ll have a pot thanks, mate.’ The dog says, ‘I’ll have a margarita.’

      The bartender does a double-take and looks over to the dog and asks, ‘Did you just talk?’

      ‘Yep,’ says the dog.

      ‘My God!’ says the bartender. ‘That’s incredible. This is unreal. Who would have thought: a talking dog, here in my bar? Tell me more about yourself. You must have had an amazing life as a talking dog.’

      The dog assumes an indifferent pose and speaks in quite a matter-of-fact manner:

      ‘Yeah, you could say it’s been a big journey.

      I trained for a while with the US Marines.

      Saw a bit of action in Iraq – can’t tell you more.

      I joined the Bolshoi Ballet for a stint. That was hard work but incredibly satisfying. I’ve written a few best-selling novels in my spare time.

      That was good fun. Of course, there have been film offers, TV shows. Wine, women and song.

      All that.’

      The bartender is now purple with excitement.

      He turns to the man. ‘We could make a fortune.

      We could charge people to come into this bar and hear your dog talk. How much would you charge to allow your dog to talk here?’

      ‘About $10,’ the man replies.

      ‘Why only $10? That’s madness!’ exclaims the bartender.

      The man answers: ‘He’s a liar. He hasn’t done half those things.’

      A MAN WALKS INTO A BARwearing dark glasses, accompanied by a chihuahua on a leash. The bartender says, ‘Sorry, no dogs allowed.’

      ‘I’m blind. It’s my seeing-eye dog,’ the man explains.

      The bartender scoffs. ‘Seeing-eye dogs are labradors or German shepherds.’

      The man looks alarmed. ‘What’ve they given me?’

      A DOG WALKS INTO A BAR and says, ‘Hey, bartender, can’t a talking dog get a drink in here?’

      ‘Yeah, dog,’ says the bartender, ‘the toilet’s right around the corner there!’

      A DOG HOBBLES INTO A BAR with his leg wrapped in bandages. He sidles up to the bartender and announces: ‘I’m lookin’ fer the man that shot my paw.’

      A TOURIST WALKS INTO A BAR and there’s a dog sitting in a chair, playing poker. The tourist says, ‘Is that dog really playing poker?’

      The bartender says, ‘Yeah, but he’s not too good. Whenever he has a good hand, he starts wagging his tail.’

      HUH?

      A BAR WALKS INTO A COMMUTATIVE algebraist.

      A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, ‘Does your dog bite?’

      The lady answers, ‘Never!’

      The man reaches out to pat the dog and the dog bites him. The man says, ‘I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite!’

      The woman replies, ‘He doesn’t. This isn’t my dog.’

      A BLIND MAN WALKS INTO A BAR, grabs his dog, and starts swinging him around.

      The bartender says, ‘Hey mate, what are you doing?’

      The blind man says, ‘Don’t mind me, I’m just looking around.’

      A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR with his dog on a leash. The bartender says, ‘Man, that’s a weird dog. He’s stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn’t have a tail, but I bet my Rottweiler would beat the heck out of him.’

      Fifty bucks is laid down. Out in the yard the Rottweiler gets mauled to pieces.

      Another drinker says his pit bull will win. The bet is $100. There’s another trip to the yard and

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