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The Jesus Cow: A Novel
The Jesus Cow: A Novel
The Jesus Cow: A Novel
Audiobook7 hours

The Jesus Cow: A Novel

Written by Michael Perry

Narrated by Michael Perry

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

4.5/5

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About this audiobook

New York Times bestselling humorist Michael Perry makes his fiction debut with this hilarious and big-hearted tale, a comic yet sincere exploration of faith and the foibles of modern life that blends the barbed charm of Garrison Keillor, the irreverent humor of Christopher Moore, and the audacious insight of Chuck Klosterman.

Life is suddenly full of drama for low-key Harley Jackson: A woman in a big red pickup has stolen his bachelor’s heart, a Hummer-driving predatory developer is threatening to pave the last vestiges of his family farm, and inside his barn is a calf bearing the image of Jesus Christ. His best friend, Billy, a giant of a man who shares his trailer house with a herd of cats and tries to pass off country music lyrics as philosophy, urges him to avoid the woman, fight the developer, and get rich off the calf. But Harley takes the opposite tack, hoping to avoid what his devout, dearly departed mother would have called “a scene.”

Then the secret gets out—right through the barn door, and Harley’s “miracle” goes viral. Within hours pilgrims, grifters, and the media have descended on his quiet patch of Swivel, Wisconsin, looking for a glimpse (and a percentage) of the calf. Does Harley hide the famous, possibly holy calf and risk a riot, or give the people what they want—and raise enough money to keep his land—and, just possibly, win the woman and her big red pickup truck?

Harley goes all in, cutting a deal with a major Hollywood agent that transforms his little farm into an international spiritual theme park—think Lourdes, only with cheese curds and t-shirts. Soon, Harley has lots of money . . . and more trouble than he ever dreamed.

LanguageEnglish
PublisherHarperAudio
Release dateMay 19, 2015
ISBN9780062395009
Author

Michael Perry

Michael Perry is a humorist, radio host, songwriter, and the New York Times bestselling author of several nonfiction books, including Visiting Tom and Population: 485, as well as a novel, The Jesus Cow. He lives in northern Wisconsin with his family and can be found online at www.sneezingcow.com.

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Reviews for The Jesus Cow

Rating: 4.2727272727272725 out of 5 stars
4.5/5

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  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I have loved all of Perry's nonfiction work, so I came along to this book, his first novel. It was very funny, but not completely satisfying. Yet, this was one very funny book and could make a great movie with all of its highly visual scenes.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Started out with the same small-town feel as his non-fiction, a little less charitable since these are fictional characters, then the plot kicks in and it becomes manic and at times hilarious, leading to the ending, which is both brutal and preposterous. I much prefer his memoirs, his musings on his life and his family and his neighbors. Worth reading if you're a fan, but the essential stuff is in the non-fiction aisle.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Charming. Too bad about the cow. ?
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Book on CD read by the author.Adapted from the book jacket: Life is suddenly full of drama for Harley Jackson: A woman in a big red pickup has stolen his bachelor’s heart; a Hummer-driving developer hooked on self-improvement audiobooks is threatening to pave [over] his family farm; and inside his barn lies a calf bearing the image of Jesus Christ. Harley’s best friend, Billy, who tries to pass of country music lyrics as philosophy, urges him to sidestep the woman, fight the developer, and get rich off the calf. But Harley takes the opposite tack, hoping to avoid what his devout, dearly departed mother would have called “a scene.”My ReactionsI love Michael Perry. His nonfiction musings on life in small-town Wisconsin are poignant, funny, philosophical, and relatable. Now he turns to fiction, with a tale of one man’s struggle to make sense of his life and rekindle his faith. Perry has a gift for describing people and situations; he makes the ridiculous totally believable. I am reminded of Carl Hiaasen, but with more heart. There are a few scenarios that really stretch credulity here, but on the whole even the outlandish seems like it could actually happen: crowds of pilgrims inspired by social media, in-fighting among the residents over who gets a piece of the pie, one man’s efforts to stay above the fray, another’s desire to profit. My only real complaint is that the ending scenario was just too farfetched; it seemed that he lost his way and took the first exit. Still, I enjoyed the novel and we all need a little light entertainment now and again (not to mention a belly laugh or two). Perry read the audio version himself. He has a great delivery. I can’t imagine anyone else doing a better job.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    The four-lane road bypasses small town Swivel, Wisconsin, relegating it to exist in the shadow of urban development. Only occasional drivers exit the interstate, usually to fill up at the Kwik Pump, and the town’s population is dwindling. Swivel is not exactly a destination spot.But all that is about to change; Harley Jackson’s Christmas Eve-born bull calf came into the world bearing an image of Jesus Christ on his flank. And the news of the amazing calf is about to go viral.This quirky, lough-out-loud tale of small towns with their political drama, environmental issues, and scandal, amid farming and tales of love will leave readers chuckling over the rural philosophies and the undeniable charm of small town America. And once the laughter subsides, readers will find that the author, in the midst of the tale, offers an insightful commentary on life.Recommended.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Wow! This was a strange book, but not in a bad way. The book was funny and very different.We’ve all seen or heard about the piece of toast with the image of Jesus, right? Well, Harley Jackson’s cow, who he named Tina Turner, delivers a calf who has a birthmark that looks like Jesus. You can only imagine the uproar that causes for not only for Harley but the whole town. Swivel, Wisconsin. is overrun by the media and everyone within hearing distance of the calf and the birthmark.The characters were a mix of…well, characters. Some are a bit strange and those were the ones I loved the most. There is a lot happening in this book, and it had a steady flow. I really liked Harley, Caroline and Billy, but also some of the people who came and went throughout the book. The ending wasn’t what I expected, but it worked.This was my first Perry book, but I do plan to read more. It was a quick, fun read that takes place in a small town, a well written story that is very original.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    discovered Michael Perry quite a few years ago now when his wonderful memoir Population 485 came out and captivated me with its quiet paean to life in small town rural Wisconsin. Since then I've read just about everything he's written, enjoying my return trips into Perry's life, community, and acquaintances. With The Jesus Cow, Perry makes his first foray into fiction and he brings the same simple, intelligent, and homespun narration to this novel that he has employed to such good use in his non-fiction. His characters could just as easily be his neighbors as his fictional creations and that is half the charm of this book. Harley Jackson is a quiet man. He works at a factory and continues to run beef cattle on the small portion of the family farm still left to him. When his dairy cow, Tina Turner, gives birth to a calf on Christmas Eve, he is startled and dismayed to see a clear picture of Jesus on the calf's side. Some people would consider this a miracle and trumpet it to all and sundry. Harley, on the other hand, is completely dismayed and tries to decide how to camouflage the inconvenient marking, from confining the calf to the barn to rubbing shoe polish over Jesus' face to try and make it less visible at least and invisible at best. It doesn't even occur to him to try and capitalize on the image, even though his best friend Billy suggests that cashing in would solve many of Harley's financial troubles, one of which is that local real estate developer, Klute Sorenson, has it out for him, wanting to get his hands on remaining 15 acres of Harley's farm and already owning the rest of the original is using the town's generally unenforced statutes to try and force Harley out. Preferring to avoid confrontation, Harley can and does put his head in the sand about the likely outcome of Klute's bullying and about the cow's miraculous mark until he has no choice but to face both situations. When Harley falls head over heels for a woman new to town, inviting her into his life, and then the calf escapes the barn and is spotted by the devout mail carrier, who promptly uploads a photo of the Jesus on its hide to the internet, life as Harley and the rest of the small town knows it explodes wide open. On the surface, Perry has written an entertaining and folksy tale about the three ring circus media storm that results when Hollywood and rural Wisconsin collide but on a deeper level, he has penned an examination of the challenges facing small farming communities--development versus conservation, poverty, lack of funding for vital services, outsiders versus locals, and what success looks like among other issues. Harley is a lovely character, plain spoken and honest, not given to anything showy or unconsidered. The large cast of unusual secondary characters around him, best friend Billy who lives in a trailer on Harley's land, local junk yard owner Maggie, disgraced former academic and stubborn environmentalist Carolyn, developer and avid listener to cliched self-help business books Klute, his welder-artist girlfriend Mindy, and slick Hollywood agent Sloan are all fantastic and well developed and all are vital to the story in their own ways. As in his memoirs, Perry draws an appealing picture of place and the connections that people feel to it. His questions about faith, which weave through the whole of the story, are respectful and balanced as he shows both the sensational and vocal faith of many of the pilgrims clamoring to see the calf as well as the quiet, modest, and unpretentious faith of people in the community. And his very Midwestern sense of dry humor shines through in both small moments and the over the top ridiculous ones as well. The novel is well-paced, off-beat, and happily engrossing and those who have enjoyed his memoirs will appreciate the straightforward and entertaining way in which he has tackled his first work of fiction as well.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    The clever: Billy’s hearsay cats known only by their owner’s bulk cat litter purchases

    The small town feel : Yep, you’ll see your ex in the kwikmart sooner or later

    The shakespearean ending : Indeed, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”



  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    “Well, said Harley, “that's trouble.”This book got off to a great start, with a cow (actually a bull calf) born in a manager (well, really a barn) on Christmas eve. The calf had the unfortunate birthmark of a hide with the face of Christ, right there in black and white.The characters were quirky and odd and altogether interesting, and I really enjoyed the first third or so of the book. And there were some wryly funny bits, too. Then it went downhill for me.I didn't like the cavalier attitude towards the animals sold at stockyard auctions, but I can deal with that. And “...by calling the vet was able to intervene in time to keep the animal on track for the abattoir, ultimately a zero-sum proposition for the steer.” I hated, hated, hated what happened to The Jesus Cow and Tina Turner towards the end of the book.There was a little sweet romance, and some good ol' Scandinavian/WI farmers and a greedy real estate developer. So much potential.But after I great start, I was just vaguely bored. Some parts (thinking especially of the environmentalist Carolyn) were predictable, even if I didn't predict the complete details.All in all, not a bad book but not especially memorable, either.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Still in the middle of reading. My first impression is that it is lighter fare than his nonfiction writing. Less weighty. Yet Mike has put the hours into this book. I still find insights into the things I care about. He still uses exact, beautiful language to entertain his readers.

    Final thoughts
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    A warm and funny romp, of what happens when a farmer has a cow that gives birth to a calf with the image of Jesus Christ on its hide. Full of folksy-good humor, it really makes you think what you would do, if you found yourself in Farmer Harley's predicament. The narrator of the novel is the author, Michael Perry. Michael Perry is a wonderful narrator, with the slow, southern speech patterns of Garrison Keillor, the accents of the cast of the movie Fargo, and the voice of John Goodman; and I mean this guy sounds EXACTLY like John Goodman...!! Especially when he is louder, lol.
    This shorter novel is a real treat. You should read it. 3.5 stars.