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    The Anti-Romantic Child: A Story of Unexpected Joy
    The Anti-Romantic Child: A Story of Unexpected Joy
    The Anti-Romantic Child: A Story of Unexpected Joy
    Audiobook9 hours

    The Anti-Romantic Child: A Story of Unexpected Joy

    Written by Priscilla Gilman

    Narrated by Priscilla Gilman

    4.5/5

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    About this audiobook

    “TheAnti-Romantic Child is remarkable. This haunting and lyrical memoir will bean invaluable and heartening guide to all who find themselves in similarsituations and indeed anyone confronting an unforeseen challenge.” —MarieBrenner, writer for Vanity Fair andauthor of Apples and Oranges
     
    With an emotionally resonant combination of memoirand literature, Wordsworth scholar Priscilla Gilman recounts the challenges ofraising a son with hyperlexia, a developmentaldisorder neurologically counterpoint to dyslexia. Gilman explores thecomplexities of our hopes and expectations for our children and ourselves. Withluminous prose and a searing, personal story evocative of A Year of MagicalThinking and A Year of Reading Proust, Gilman’s The Anti-RomanticChild is an unforgettable exploration of what happens when we lean toembrace the unexpected.  
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarperAudio
    Release dateApr 19, 2011
    ISBN9780061994005
    Author

    Priscilla Gilman

    Priscilla Gilman grew up in New York City and is a former professor of English literature at Yale University and Vassar College. She has taught poetry appreciation to inmates in a restorative justice program and to New York City public school students. The Anti-Romantic Child, her first book, was excerpted in Newsweek magazine and featured on the cover of its international edition; it was an NPR Morning Edition Must-Read, Slate's Book of the Week, and selected as one the Best Books of 2011 by the Leonard Lopate Show. Gilman writes regularly for publications including the Daily Beast, the New York Times, and the Huffington Post, speaks frequently at schools, conferences, and organizations about parenting, education, and the arts, and is a Scholar/Facilitator for the New York Council for the Humanities. She lives in New York City with her family. The Anti-Romantic Child has been nominated for a Books for a Better Life Award for Best First Book.

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    Reviews for The Anti-Romantic Child

    4.5/5

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    • 5/5
      Gilman, who comes from a literary family and was at that time teaching at Yale, wanted a child who would love books and poetry, someone for whom she could re-create the cosy world of her own childhood. But she had the sense that her son Benjamin, in spite of his precocious reading, was somehow "off." In fact, he turned out to have a host of disabilities (hyperlexia, sensory integration) related to autism. Gilman subtitles the book "A Story of Unexpected Joy" and in fact there is great joy, both in the progress Benjamin makes and the things Gilman learns from her son. As I read this book I found myself putting it down from time to time and pacing around, remembering things from my son's childhood. The motor difficulties ("Don't worry -- not all children crawl.") The blank staring at other children ("He's just shy.") The day what you thought was your child's personality is just a list of symptoms on a website. Even if you don't have a child with a developmental disorder, you're bound to be touched by The Anti-Romantic Child and to see such children in a new light (I did, and I thought I knew everything I was supposed to about the way my son's mind works.) It also struck me, as I was reading it, that Gilman's book is kind of the story of a generation. Women my age grew up with three factors affecting child-rearing: 1) less experience with babies because of smaller families, 2) less availability of parents and grandparents, and therefore dependence on books for child-rearing 3) a kind of "free to be you and me" attitude that encouraged us to see children as individuals in which there was no such thing as "wrong" development or behavior. We are also the generation that seems, based on statistical evidence, to face the highest rate of autism in our children. I appreciate Gilman for writing the story of what she and I and a lot of other mothers have gone through.
    • 4/5
      When I was in graduate school, there was a couple in the department who had just had their first child. I was impressed that they were able to juggle dissertations and a baby. Once I left school and started my own family, I am even more impressed with the decision they made. It can't possibly be an easy one and I have no idea how they've ended up, in academia or leaving it for other fields. But if their little boy (he was an infant the last time I saw him) ultimately was diagnosed with developmental disorders, how much more difficult exponentially would their lives have become? This is precisely the situation that Priscilla Gilman finds herself in. Not only is she consumed with getting her degree, teaching English literature and poetry to undergraduates, searching for a tenure track job, supporting his husband in the same quest, but suddenly she is also faced with the knowledge that their beloved toddler Benj is not "normal;" he is in fact developmentally delayed and hyperlexic, a condition in which a child is a precocious reader but has difficulty acquiring social skills and regular language, using echolalia instead.Gilman grew up in a literary family and married a fellow English graduate student so when her small son shows an amazing capacity to repeat verbatim poetry read to him and learns to read himself at the young age of two, she is pleased and proud to see that he has inherited the family facility with language. While she has some concerns with Benj's development, family and her pediatrician allay her concerns equating Benj's actions (or non-actions) to one or another relative's preferences as a child. But after an admissions visit to a preschool, the differences between Benj and other children his age are no longer dismissable. In fact, the preschool's serious concerns about Benj's visit will start Gilman on the path to discovering the developmental delays and the challenges that Benj will have to face and overcome all of his life.As Gilman and her husband discover the extent of Benj's challenges, they are also facing change in their jobs, awaiting the birth of their second son, looking to move homes, and starting to develop cracks in their own marital relationship. So many changes looming all at once. Gilman details her own heartbreak at the realization of the extent of Benj's delays and the fact that there is no good way to ease his path in life. A professor whose area of focus is the Romantic poets, she uses excerpts from Wordsworth's poetry to mourn the loss of the romantic child she expected to have. Benj will always have to work harder than a typical child or adult to make sense of certain things socially or emotionally and there is a gut-wrenching acceptance in Gilman's narrative here. At the same time, she learns a lot from Benj as she comes to accept and celebrate all those wonderful, quirky things that make him the unique and lovable child he is.This story brims with deep feeling. Gilman's strong and unshakable love for Benj shines through even as she is rawly honest in exposing her fears and her disappointments in facing parenting a child who, in many ways, is the antithesis of the idealized child in Wordsworth's poetry, the child she thought she would have. The pain of changing expectations is clear but so is the joy of finding the wonder in Benj just as he is. The integration of the snatches poetry as exposition definitely had an academic feel as if these passages were inserted to restate her previous point. Sometimes this strengthens the narrative but oftentimes comes off as repetitive. And it is definitely a hallmark of the sort of writing that pervades academia but it risks losing the casual reader. The personal tale of Gilman's and Benj's growth helps to balance this more abstract academic feel though. And her determination and advocacy in order to find Benj the best possible doctors, schools, and teachers is inspiring and instructive. I felt a kinship both with Gilman as a parent but also with Benj. And as I read some of his challenges, I easily recognized them in myself: precocious reading, social anxiety, sensory issues, and more. Perhaps we all have something of the "special" child in us. With the love and understanding of a parent like Gilman, who has shared this very personal journey, I have no doubt that Benj will continue to grow and face his challenges with courage and to bring unexpected joy to those in his life.
    • 4/5
      The Good StuffBeautifully writes about raising a child that has special needs and so wonderfully explains the need to let go of the dream of your child and love the child you have. Very painfully honest and real, she doesn't hide from her emotions and doesn't put blame on anyoneHer relationship with her ex-husband is one that I truly believe benefits her children -- now if more divorces couples would follow her pathShe's a strong women who wouldn't take no for an answer and wants the best for her childBenji sounds like a truly remarkable and wonderful child and I enjoyed reading about himLoves both of her sons and fights like a tiger for themFull text of all the poems quoted at the back of the bookVery inspirational at timesThe Not so Good StuffWay too scholarly and romantic for my non scholarly mind which I really think takes away from the lessons taught in the book. But please remember I am more of a plain spoken practical girlGot irritated by the constant references to Wordsworth (yes I know that is the point of the book, but it really got on my nerves after a while)I was having a tough time reading this and I couldn't put my finger on why I wasn't enjoying it. I think it has a lot to do with the fact, that I am also raising a special needs child and I think things hit a little too close to home and to some of the issues I am denying or avoiding I found her a tad self absorbed at times Favorite Quotes/Passages"Anytime you get frustrated or irritated with him, try to remember how far he's come rather than how far you still want or need him to go. It helps. It helped us.""That literature has the power to comfort and sustain might seem obvious, but as a professional scholar of literature, I had been made to feel that literature was there to be analyzed, debated or worked on, not to be turned to for consolation, solace or inspiration.""My goal as a mother is to never stop fighting that battle for Benji's essential self and to teach him how to fight it on his own behalf." What I LearnedThat I really am not the biggest fan of poetry -- unless its The Highway Man or The Creamation of Sam McGeeFascinating information about HyperlexiaWho should/shouldn't readBest for those who enjoy a more scholarly account of living with a special needs childWould recommend it for anyone raising a child that has special needs because author does eloquently express the need to let go of the child you wanted and to love and accept the one you haveObviously parents with children who have Hyperlexia will find tons of helpful and insightful information3.5 Dewey'sI received this book from HarperCollins in exchange for an honest review