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    Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies: On Myths, Morons, Free Speech, Football, and Assorted Absurdities
    Unavailable
    Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies: On Myths, Morons, Free Speech, Football, and Assorted Absurdities
    Unavailable
    Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies: On Myths, Morons, Free Speech, Football, and Assorted Absurdities
    Audiobook5 hours

    Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies: On Myths, Morons, Free Speech, Football, and Assorted Absurdities

    Published by Hachette Audio

    3.5/5

    ()

    Currently unavailable

    Currently unavailable

    About this audiobook

    Hi. In your hands, right now, you hold the culmination of thousands of years of human intelligence, ingenuity, and brilliance. Now put your goddamn phone down and pay attention to my book.

    What is in my book, you ask? (I'm really glad you asked, by the way, because now I get to tell you.)

    Time travel. Gay marriage. Sportsballing. Futuristic goggles that DO NOTHING.

    Tiny brags from my publisher, stuff like: "This is an uproarious, uncensored take on empathy, personal responsibility, and what it means to be human."

    Excessive brags about myself: "An extraordinarily clever, punishingly funny, sharp-tongued blogosphere star, NFL player, husband and father, one-time violin prodigy, voracious lifetime reader, obsessive gamer, and fearless champion of personal freedom."

    Oh, and also an essay on the Pope's Twitter account. Honestly, if that doesn't draw you in, there's no hope left for humanity. I also give my own funeral eulogy, in case you were hoping I'd go away and die now!

    So please, join me in the glorious art of windmill tilting by reading this "collection of rousing, uncensored personal essays, letters, and stories" (I have no idea why that's in quotes).

    Join the herd of Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies.

    (You know you want to.)
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHachette Audio
    Release dateJun 25, 2013
    ISBN9781478951476
    Unavailable
    Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies: On Myths, Morons, Free Speech, Football, and Assorted Absurdities

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    Reviews for Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies

    3.5/5

    49 ratings9 reviews

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    Review must be at least 10 words

    • 3/5
      I followed author Chris Kluwe on Twitter after seeing him interact with some other writerly types I follow. I'm a sports guy, too, but I don't follow a ton of athletes, because in general I don't find them terribly interesting. Kluwe, it soon becomes clear, does not fit that mold. He's smart and funny, and tweets about a wide range of topics. I picked up this book after hearing good things about it, expecting it to be an expansion on those things. And it is. Kluwe has plenty to say about plenty of things. He's smart and passionate, and he's a competent writer on top of all that. That goes a long way.Still, this book bored me.It bored me in part because (bear with me) it seems like he and I have a lot in common. I'm not a professional athlete, obviously, but I love sports, watch a lot of them, and know a fair amount about them. I'm also the rare sports fan that, like Kluwe, likes video games and reading, including science fiction and fantasy (though by no means limited to those genres). I also come down on the same side of the fence as him politically., so I agree with him on just about all the "controversial" topics he discusses, which makes up a significant portion of the text. Given all this, the book just didn't challenge me. I know there are plenty of people who devour books that do nothing but echo their own particular viewpoints and lambaste everyone who doesn't hold them, but I'm not among them. Then again, I'm really not much of a non-fiction reader in the first place, especially not of books like this that are so steeped in political issues, so that part of it is on me.Another reason this book bored me...well, look. In one essay (entitled "Rage"), Kluwe invokes Kurt Vonnegut, writing about the injustice and stupidity of the world around him. Like Vonnegut, Kluwe often (although not always) tries to translate his anger over these issues into humor. Vonnegut, however, writes with a great deal of warmth and charm that Kluwe seems to lack in his authorial voice. In another essay ("Personal Stories"), Kluwe notes that advance readers of this book wanted more anecdotes about him. He suggests that it's because they're looking for a way to relate to him, and he's right. The book didn't need personal stories per se, but it needed more personality. As it's written, it often comes across as cold, an impersonal narrator ranting at the plebes from on high. Even for someone who agrees with him, it can be a little off-putting.Now, all that said, the book is frequently funny and makes a lot of good points. For someone who doesn't share Kluwe's views (or just doesn't spend much time thinking about these issues), I imagine it would be pretty thought-provoking. I'll also say that he doesn't come across the same way on Twitter, where, it seems to me, more of his personality comes through. I actually would recommend the book on those merits; it just wasn't for me personally.
    • 3/5
      Some of the essays were hilarious and some were inspiring, but some I just skimmed. Kluwe's activist tendencies shine brightly throughout, and I totally appreciate his repeated focus on empathy and the golden rule.
    • 4/5
      Overall I enjoyed this book. There were some parts that were kind of out of nowhere creating a sense of jumbled reading. It was like reading a stream of conscience. Other then that, the book was great. Told with no filter, Kluwe says what he thinks without care for what others may think. The brutal honesty of it all lends itself to easy reading whether you agree with him or not.
    • 4/5
      There were essays that I LOVED and some that dragged.
    • 2/5
      This book consists of very short essays, most not more than two pages, about various topics, mostly sociological and political, and reprinted from Kluwe's earlier printed articles. They're all very angry, like someone's LiveJournal rants, but aimed at a newspaper audience. Some feel like Andrew Ryan's audio diaries. He has creative writing in his similes, but really, he's not telling me anything I haven't heard before. And moreover, there's nothing positive in this. Everything is bad, bad, wrong, wrong. I wanted a little glimmer of optimism, if for nothing else than to clear the palate. I want to know about things he likes.Also, I was hoping for more personal stories, like what it's like to be a pro football player and a geek, balancing family, nerdery, and footballery. (To his credit, there is a chapter that explains why he doesn't include those sorts of things). I like stories, I like anecdotes. I guess I was expecting this to be more memoir-ish, plot-based, and not a collection of angry rants with creative swears.
    • 5/5
      Book Info: Genre: Nonfiction/EssaysReading Level: Adult (language)Recommended for: ThinkersTrigger Warnings: mention of school shootingsMy Thoughts: I don't necessarily agree with all of Chris Kluwe's opinions (but then again the world would be mighty boring if everyone thought the same of everything), however I found this peek into his brain to be fascinating. This is a guy I would love to sit down and shoot the breeze with about all sorts of things. This book ranges from poetry to stream-of-consciousness, to political satire, to letters written to various people and in response to various people regarding marriage equality. Chris Kluwe is funny, sharp-witted, and highly intelligent. If you enjoy having your thoughts provoked, then check out this book of fun essays. It will make you think.Disclosure: This book was purchased for me by a friend as a gift. All opinions are my own.Synopsis: Hi. In your hands, right now, you hold the culmination of thousands of years of human intelligence, ingenuity, and brilliance. Now put your goddamn phone down and pay attention to my book. What is in my book, you ask? (I'm really glad you asked, by the way, because now I get to tell you.)Time travel. Gay marriage. Sportsballing. Futuristic goggles that DO NOTHING.Tiny brags from my publisher, stuff like: "This is an uproarious, uncensored take on empathy, personal responsibility, and what it means to be human."Excessive brags about myself: "An extraordinarily clever, punishingly funny, sharp-tongued blogosphere star, NFL player, husband and father, one-time violin prodigy, voracious lifetime reader, obsessive gamer, and fearless champion of personal freedom."Oh, and also an essay on the Pope's Twitter account. Honestly, if that doesn't draw you in, there's no hope left for humanity. I also give my own funeral eulogy, in case you were hoping I'd go away and die now!So please, join me in the glorious art of windmill tilting by reading this "collection of rousing, uncensored personal essays, letters, and stories" (I have no idea why that's in quotes).Join the herd of Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies.(You know you want to.)
    • 5/5
      OMG! This man is reading my mind! On some things, anyway, particularly about reading, thinking, science fiction, and the really important stuff like reason, empathy, and compassion. He has also given me new things to think about, while writing these essays with verve and style. And all that while blowing away my stereotypes of football players, a group I rarely associate with and have never before been tempted to do so. I would have fun hanging out with Kluwe, though, maybe at a con. Excellent book of essays, something here for many people. He can make you laugh, cry, think, dream, and everything in between.
    • 4/5
      Kluwe's musings on tolerance, geekdom, and football are funny and damn articulate. Many are things I've thought myself. But I'm not as funny. Or articulate. Which is why it's a good thing that Chris Kluwe wrote this book and not me! Seriously, if I could sum up this book, it would have to be in the words of Bill and Ted: "Be excellent to each other." As Kluwe says, we are all in this life together, and we should treat each other with empathy and tolerance. His take-downs of public figures that don't know this simple rule are hilarious and cutting.
    • 5/5
      I was fortunate enough to get the chance to hear Chris Kluwe speak at a local community college last month and this book is like the written version of his talk that night. He was asked about everything from football to politics to video games to music that “little old ladies” would like to the nature of dualism to curing depression. He fielded (!) all of those questions masterfully – so when he mentioned he had a book coming out – I knew I had to get it.“Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies” is a fascinating, rambling, incredibly smart read. I first heard Chris Kluwe’s name in reference to the marriage equality debate (one of my hot button issues) – and when I read his letter to Emmett C. Burns Jr. Many people responded more to some of the words Kluwe used than the overarching point of his letter, and Kluwe addresses that in this book. “The swearing is there for a reason. What Emmett C. Burns Jr. wrote, what I responded to, was far more disgusting and foul-minded than any simple scatological reference or genital mash-up. His words degraded the very essence of the English language with their barely hidden venom and intolerant hate; drag it screaming into the muck of iniquity by wrapping a mantle of seeming reasonableness around corruption and control; masquerade as discourse while screaming their very lies to any heaven to any heaven you care to name – I could go on. My words? My words are a litmus test for those who would see the truth of a message rather than the package it’s delivered in.”Chris Kluwe is crazy smart. He is creative, articulate, thinks fast on his feet and has a core of beliefs that shine through everything he says.He also writes beautifully. In the section entitled “The Rush” – his description of the process and experience of his day job – is very evocative, reading almost like poetry. “…as my left foot locks into the ground and all the muscles on my right lower side contract and then explode up through an expelled grunt of air, left arm fully outstretched to the sky, eyes never leaving the gold Wilson engraved on the side, though they’re not quick enough to actually see the moment of impact, and now I’m following through and time returns to normal again, an eternity of 1.2 seconds later.”And when he talks about the sensation of reading a great book – it’s like he was pulling those thoughts and feelings straight from my own head. “The pure luxuriousness of reading a book in comfort is one of the greatest sensations in the world (sex is better, but only by a little bit). Curling up on an engulfing couch as snow drifts down outside, toes hidden beneath warm blankets; lying sideways on a cushioned chaise while cool sea breezes gently stir the sunny afternoon air; hiding under the covers with a flashlight while rain beats down outside, all of these anchored by a collection of thoughts and ideas bound together, alone in whatever world the author created. Such hedonistic delight in contemplation of the immaterial, the intangible. File under Satisfaction with Universe.”I think the section that had the greatest impact on me (because this is another of my hot button issues) is “Bang Bang” – the essay he wrote on the day of Newtown. As a person, as a mother, that day was horrific for me. I couldn’t stop crying for those children, for those parents…and for the certainty that even though these were schoolchildren that were murdered, the NRA would not allow one single solitary thing to change in our country – and if they possibly could – they would make things even worse so that they could sell more guns and ensure more people would die. Kluwe, however, expresses his feelings of that day in bold and with many caps. He is angry, rightly so, as he maps out exactly what the gun fanatics would think and do after one of the darkest days in our country’s history. His letter to those who worship guns over human life is one of the most powerful I’ve ever read.“Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies” is a book that made me think and laugh and learn. I loved reading it and I look forward to more books (and letters!) from Chris Kluwe.