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    Mercury Falls
    Mercury Falls
    Mercury Falls
    Audiobook10 hours

    Mercury Falls

    Written by Robert Kroese

    Narrated by Kevin Stillwell

    3.5/5

    ()

    About this audiobook

    While on assignment in Utah, Christine Temetri isn’t surprised when yet another prophesied Apocalypse fails to occur. After three years of reporting on End Times cults for a religious news magazine, Christine is seriously questioning her career choice. But then she meets Mercury, a cult leader whose knowledge of the impending Apocalypse is decidedly more solid than most: he is an angel, sent from heaven to prepare for the Second Coming but distracted by beer, ping pong, and other earthly delights. After Christine and Mercury inadvertently save Karl Grissom—a film-school dropout and the newly appointed Antichrist—from assassination, she realizes the three of them are all that stand in the way of mankind’s utter annihilation. They are a motley crew compared to the heavenly host bent on earth’s destruction, but Christine figures they’ll just have to do. Full of memorable characters, Mercury Falls is an absurdly funny tale about unlikely heroes on a quest to save the world.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBrilliance Audio
    Release dateDec 4, 2012
    ISBN9781469243405
    Mercury Falls
    Author

    Robert Kroese

    Robert Kroese’s sense of irony was honed growing up in Grand Rapids, Michigan—home of the Amway Corporation and the Gerald R. Ford Museum, and the first city in the United States to fluoridate its water supply. In second grade, he wrote his first novel, the saga of Captain Bill and his spaceship Thee Eagle. This turned out to be the high point of his academic career. After barely graduating from Calvin College in 1992 with a philosophy degree, he was fired from a variety of jobs before moving to California, where he stumbled into software development. As this job required neither punctuality nor a sense of direction, he excelled at it. In 2009, he called upon his extensive knowledge of useless information and love of explosions to write his first novel, Mercury Falls. Since then, he has written nine more novels and learned to play the guitar very poorly. Find out about Rob at http://sfauthor.net, connect with him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/robkroese, and follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/robkroese. To get exclusive free fiction and updates about future releases from Robert Kroese, sign up for his mailing list at http://sfauthor.net/get-email-updates.

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    Reviews for Mercury Falls

    3.5/5

    187 ratings24 reviews

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    Review must be at least 10 words

    • 5/5
      Well written and quite brilliantly performed. A tale of the apocalypse with dry wit and a weary cynicism about large organisations. The genre is fantasy, but that underplays its quality. Up there with Terry Pratchett, and I can think of no higher praise.
    • 5/5
      The Apocalypse is coming in Armageddon......that is if Lucifer follows the contract that he signed.If not then the demons will appear through a time portal created in a lino in a kitchen in America.......after killing the Antichrist.....who is a 37 year old prize winner of the Antichrist competition from a fast food company. All of this can be stopped though by Mercury a fallen Angel who really does not want to get involved. Even the meetings he went to made it sound like Armageddon would not be fun, makes you wonder what was discussed in the meeting he missed.Miracles, renegade Angels, large snowmen, a book series which has links to the antichrist (remember all the furore over Harry Potter) oh and Lucifer running around in boxer shorts and what else could you want in a story to give you a laugh.This is written in such a style that you either think that Douglas Adams was involved in it (yes I know that is not possible) or that the author was a big fan (very much more likely). So if you like that style of book have a read it will be well worth it.
    • 4/5
      Mercury Falls(Mercury #1)by Robert KroeseThis is such a witty and fun book! Mercury is an Angel, one that has an assignment but he wasn't paying too much attention during the briefing. He knows it is about the Apocalypse but the details are fuzzy because he doesn't take good notes. He meets a reporter that is sick to death of the jobs she is sent on, "End of the World" type crackpots.Through some hilarious adventures, they find the anti-Christ who happens to be a real loser named Carl. Carl really couldn't rule the world if he had to. The angels are trying to kill him and the fallen angels are trying to, well it's had to tell. They are not very organized. But they made bombs!It's a fun read and very clever!
    • 3/5
      Laughing loudly and frequently
    • 4/5
      Funny, irreverent satire...what's not to like?
    • 3/5
      Enjoyable, though it probably suffered a bit in my mind when compared to Pratchett/Gaiman's _Good_Omens_.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 3/5
      This is the first book in the Mercury series; right now there are five books in this series. I got this book for Kindle right when I first got my Kindle e-reader, then I bought the audiobook for cheap. I ended up listening to the first 70% of this on audiobook and then stopped. This reminded me of a many other apocalyptic books that aim at being snarky and humorous about the corporate-like reign of angels and demons. I actually kind of enjoyed this book at first; it was snarky and darkly humorous. As the book continued it just sounded like so many other books I have read like this and it started to irritate me more than it entertained me.Think of this as a knock off of things like the movie Dogma or "Good Omens" by Gaiman and Pratchett. This is another one of those books in that "oh look the world is going to end because of mismanagement by God". However, this book seemed to try a bit too hard and I found it to be silly and annoying. The characters were just over characterized and ended up being more irritating than entertaining.Overall this just wasn’t my thing. It was a like a poor imitation of books like “Good Omens” or the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series. It’s written in that same over-the-top snarky way, but I just didn’t think it was as well done.
    • 2/5
      II really wanted to like this book. I gave it way past my 100 page rule. It had some genuine funny moments but ultimately it just kept dragging on without feeling like it was getting anywhere. I picked it up and put it down a bunch of times before about 60% of the way through the book I just didn't care anymore. I am quite sure others will like this but it was time for me to move on.
    • 4/5
      A fine example of Apocalypse slapstick, which is really the only way to treat the eschatological, no?
    • 3/5
      This is a whimsical story about the events leading up to the Apocalypse. The writing is very reminiscent of Douglas Adams and Christopher Fluke. I thoroughly enjoyed it and would recommend it to anyone who wants a fun read.
    • 4/5
      Just the right amount of snark for a possibly-soon-to-be-post-apocalyptic adventure.
    • 3/5
      Started out really funny and then got complicated and by the end I had no idea what was going on. But the first two or three chapters--hilarious!
    • 5/5
      Please note: I read this in September 2010 from a copy provided by Amazon Vine. Once I finish my current book, I'll be reading the rest of the series.Genre: Humorous literary fictionReading Level: AdultsTrigger warnings: some religious people might find this book offensiveMy Reactions (and a quick compare & contrast to Dogma: Mercury Falls is a breath of fresh air blowing out the stagnant dogma of way too many churches and throws a few punches at bureaucracy in general while it's at it. It has been compared to Dogma, but honestly I don't think there is any way to compare them, except for the fact that they both take a few swipes at organized religion (in Dogma's case it is only Catholicism) and in both cases there is an angel with an attitude (in Dogma we have Alan Rickman as Metatron - in Mercury Falls we have Mercury himself ...), but they really aren't all that similar - Metatron is in good graces and feels no need to be rebellious, while Mercury is all about expressing himself and pointing out the endless levels of bureaucracy preventing any type of action as ridiculous.My Synopsis: It all starts when Christine - bored with her rounds interviewing people about the end of the world, which of course hasn't yet shown up (for one reason or another - the latest is that apparently of the 10 Virgins provided, not all of them are ... well ... virginal) - decides to interview one last "prophet," named Mercury. When she arrives, she finds him playing Ping-Pong and thirsty for a beer. He then proceeds to show her a card trick that goes wrong - whereupon he quickly ushers her out of the house, just in time to avoid a bolt of fire from the heavens, destroying the house. From that point, Christine is on the run from one near miss to another, with Mercury on her like glue, and is told that this time, the end really is nigh ... I mean, check it out, there is an Antichrist and everything! Oh, yeah, and what an Antichrist ... *facepalm* Wow, check out this guy ... *shudders* My Thoughts: The book reminds me of the best of Terry Pratchett mixed with the best of someone like ... I don't even know, maybe Douglas Adams? But he's funny. However, it goes beyond that - after you finish laughing, you see how clever he is, because behind the humor is biting social commentary, satire on modern spirituality and dogma, and the tendency of people to just do what they are told, no matter how inane it is, because "someone" must know what is going on ... no one ever questions, and if someone does, everyone panics and goes into "pin the blame on the questioner" mode as quickly as possible, just in case the hammer falls.My Recommendations: This is definitely a book to check out, for all these reasons, and many more. If no other reason, check it out because it is just fun and enjoyable.
    • 5/5
      "The Apocalypse has a way of fouling up one's plans."I loved this book. Hence the five stars. It's very much like the 1999 Damon-Affleck film "Dogma," where Heaven and Hell are not so much forces of Good and Evil as competing bureaucracies with their own myriad sets of rules and regulations, policies and procedures. It also reminded me of [book:Good Omens|12067] by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, which is a send-up of both Nostradamus and The Omen.Christine is a reporter assigned to cover the end of the world, wherever and whenever it's predicted. Of course it never happens and with each "last" sunset she witnesses, she becomes more jaded. So it's a shock for her when real angels, demons, cherubim and seraphim start showing up in her life, all bent on bringing about the Apocalypse. It's up to her and a rogue angel named Mercury Falls to somehow stop the bureaucratic machinery of both realms as they grind slowly and surely towards Armageddon.There's a lot of wonderful quotes and commentary in this book, such as "You find, after a few thousand years of corrupting mortals, that people with the most rigid religious viewpoints are the most predictable and therefore easiest to manipulate.""The illusion of free will is straining under the weight of determinism."And my favorite:"You know what happened to the last guy to make a pact with Lucifer, right?--"I thought he was still hosting American Idol." "Exactly."
    • 4/5
      Entertaining read.
    • 4/5
      In Mercury Falls, a journalist who covers apocalyptic cults meets the angel Mercury, and together they try to stop the actual Apocalypse from happening. This description may not sound too funny, but the book is. The author's sense of humor reminds me a little of Terry Pratchett. Overall, the book is very enjoyable and a definite recommendation for readers who like funny, satirical fiction.
    • 5/5
      A very funny read! Mercury's flippant attitude makes for a great contrast with the usually serious concept of the apocalypse. I really enjoyed reading this book and I'm looking forward to the sequel "Mercury Rises".
    • 4/5
      I always knew linoleum was evil, that's why I insisted hardwood flooring be installed in my breakfast nook. A pleasing pattern can be a sign for a portal to the otherworld, or at least it is in Mercury Falls. I highly recommend this philosophically humorous absurdist story that questions all that is organized religion and pokes much fun at bureaucracy. The complexity is intelligent and is delivered with comedic timing that rivals the best humorists in the hood. Serious stuff is going on here, but satirical relief is abundant, refreshing and oh so amusing. I could give some examples, but it'd be like giving away the punchline to a clever political joke. What can I say, I think most of my friends will like it!
    • 3/5
      This is one of those books that would have been so much better if there wasn't so much of it...It started fine, and was quite enjoyable. Lots of funny parts, then by about half way through, I realized there was only one or two jokes with a large variant, each character made from the same snarky mold. It got old very quick. I had to force myself to finish it.Now, this isn't to say this book isn't enjoyable. It sits on the same shelf as Neil Gaimon's and Terry Pratchett's "Good Omens" and while it has all of the off beat humor, its missing the deeper elements that made Good Omens a very good book. I liked the plot, the idea of an Angel Bureaucracy, the Anti Christ being a loser living in his Mom's Attic. There are any number of good ideas, but the plot gets lost in all the cleverness. This would have been a very good book if it was toned down a bit.
    • 5/5
      Mercury Falls is a well-written, fun, but thoughtful satire. The satire focuses primarily on those who endorse strict adherence to dogma at the expense of actual reasoned thought. Although the setting for the satire involves those who obsess on the end times and the apocolypse, that setting simply provides the foundation for focusing on unthinking adherence to any dogma. The satire is not limited to religious dogma; "scientific" dogma is the subject of more than a few satirical barbs as well. (It bears note that the author appears to endorse, or at least have been educated in, a school of Christian thought that does not take the Book of Revelation literally and, therefore, does not subscribe to more well-known end times theology.) A fan of Douglas Adams, I enjoyed not only the overarching themes but the humor of this novel as well. Unfortunately, the problem (to the extent that there is a "problem") may be that the book has a narrow audience. Strict adherents to a particular theology or dogma will undoubtedly be offput by the satire at their expense, perhaps even viewing the books as blasphemous. Conversely, for those untrained in any religious thought, the punch lines of much of the humor and wit may miss the mark. Ironically, this is a very timely book, given the growing trend of sacrificing thought for the tenets of one's particular cause or religion. To Christians in particular, I would urge that judgment be reserved to the end. This book is not anti-religious, or particular anti-anything (except, perhaps, bureaucracy), but is a call for every person to truly think and evaluate their beliefs and assumptions.
    • 4/5
      Odd, but funny.
    • 5/5
      When I was younger, I would now and again stumble upon a great book in a bookstore, something I'd never heard of but which caught my eye. Maybe the story sounded intriguing, or the cover design was catchy. Maybe it was strategically placed at eye level and recommended as a "staff pick" by some big chain bookstore that had been paid by a big publisher to pass off expensive marketing at personal opinions of real, everyday sort of people. However it happened, it was always a joy to read something and find it wonderful without having been told by obvious mass marketing or serious critical acclaim to expect it to be wonderful. Mercury Falls was just such a discovery for me. I bought it as an ebook for next to nothing after having stumbled across references to it on a discussion board for self-published books. The customer reviews were plentiful and positive - an achievement in itself for a self-published book - and for 99 cents I figured I couldn't go wrong. This book blew me away. Kroese's prose is lean, his narrative style direct and unpretentious, his plotting unpredictable (in the good sense) and his sense of humor at once intelligent and outrageous. There are plenty of reviews here to describe the plot, so I won't dwell on it. But this is the kind of book that not only makes you laugh out loud, but gets you scrambling for a pencil to underline sentences you want to be able to come back to and quote to others. My favorite line, one I hope to use on someone one day, was "You overestimate my capacity for introspection." But there are many, many more that got me laughing. Mercury Falls, is a brilliant page turner of a book in a style somewhere between that of Kurt Vonnegut and Douglas Adams. If you have a sense of humor, read this book.
    • 4/5
      OMG--This is one funny book! You should be warned, however, not to wear white while reading. The coffee you snort and spray out of your nose will stain! Brown t-shirts should be sold at the same time.Robert Kroese has written about the End of Days, where Mercury, an angel, is supposed to assist with the end of the world, but he is more interested in making Rice Krispy treats, and snowmen. (of course it only snows where he is standing)Christine Temetri is a reporter for a religious news magazine, tracking down cults and searching for the truth. When she meets Mercury, all HELL breaks loose. They accidentally save the Antichrist, a slacker named Karl, from assassination by a fanatic with a gun, and have to drag his complaining butt all over while they negotiate with angels and demons, and lawyers to save the world.If the end of time is really this funny, I will not worry about 2012 at all!I received this book from the author..Thanks Diesel!
    • 4/5
      This is a fun read -- it has all of Kroese's trademark wit and rhetorical flourishes (found on his excellent blog, Mattress Police, and the book based on the blog) -- plus there's a crazy story about bureaucratic wrangling amongst angels and demons over how the apocalypse will actually proceed. Or IF it will; the human protagonist and the angel Mercury are against against the end of the world, the former because she lives there, and the latter because he's still not very good at ping pong.