Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    Bite Me: A Love Story
    Bite Me: A Love Story
    Bite Me: A Love Story
    Audiobook8 hours

    Bite Me: A Love Story

    Written by Christopher Moore

    Narrated by Susan Bennett

    4/5

    ()

    About this audiobook

    “Christopher Moore is a very sick man, in the very best sense of the word.”

    —Carl Hiaasen

     

    The undead rise again in Bite Me, the third book in New York Times bestselling author Christopher Moore’s wonderfully twisted vampire saga. Joining  his farcical gems Bloodsucking Fiends and You Suck, Moore’s latest in continuing story of young, urban, nosferatu style love, is no Twilight—but rather a tsunami of the irresistible outrageousness that has earned him the appellation, “Stephen King with a whoopee cushion and a double-espresso imagination” from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution and inspired Denver’s Rocky Mountain News to declare him, “the 21st century’s best satirist.”

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarperAudio
    Release dateMar 23, 2010
    ISBN9780061953668
    Bite Me: A Love Story
    Author

    Christopher Moore

    Christopher Moore is the author of seventeen previous novels, including Shakespeare for Squirrels, Noir, Secondhand Souls, Sacré Bleu, Fool, and Lamb. He lives in San Francisco, California.

    More audiobooks from Christopher Moore

    Related to Bite Me

    Titles in the series (2)

    View More
    View More

    Related audiobooks

    General Fiction For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      ‘Death? I Can’t Wait For The Adventure!’ Most Haunted’s Yvette Fielding On Ghosts, Sceptics And The Afterlife

      Oct 4, 2022

      The First Lady of the Paranormal, also known as the Queen of the Night, is waiting for me at Crewe railway station in a bright red vintage Mini. I just about fold myself into the front seat. She cackles, performs a miraculous U-turn and puts her foot

      8 min read

    • Article

      Annabelle: A Ghost Story

      Sep 1, 2017

      Annabelle: A Ghost Story
      3 min read

    • Article

      Burning The Man

      Aug 10, 2023

      Since its release in 1973, The Wicker Man has had an enduring fascination for audiences, commanding a devotion that most films can only dream of. Its unsettling imagery, haunting soundtrack and pagan outlook have made it a cult classic (see FT381:40-

      12 min read

    • Article

      ‘I’ve Shown So Much Of Myself To The World’: The Witcher’s Anya Chalotra On Power, People-watching And Being A Perfectionist

      Dec 11, 2021

      Anya Chalotra is watching me. I have half-threatened to order a Venezuelan sandwich from the chalkboard at the London café we’re in – we are talking just after lunch – but I don’t trust myself to maintain a serious line of questioning and not get gua

      8 min read

    • Article

      Trent Dalton

      Oct 26, 2023

      Trent Dalton
      3 min read

    • Article

      Tricks Up Her Sleeve

      Feb 1, 2024

      Sometimes it’s hard to think back to where the original idea for a book first came from but for The Illusions, I remember having a somewhat lofty aspiration to write about technology and how it affects us. I was thinking a lot about how social media

      6 min read

    • Article

      Good Books Make Good Fuel

      Sep 21, 2022

      Is it time to burn my books? My wife has already told me she is getting rid of the lot the moment I go. So, given the cost-of-living crisis and the rocketing price of fuel, is this the year for me to clear the grate and set a match to all my treasure

      3 min read

    • Article

      Going Gothic How To Tell The Goth-iest Story Ever

      Oct 1, 2021

      WHAT DO DRACULA, FRANKENSTEIN, AND YOUR SISTER’S LACE-UP COMBAT BOOTS ALL HAVE IN COMMON? If your answer was “they’re super cool,” you’d be right! But if your answer was “they’re all part of the gothic’tradition,” you’d be even righter. Being gothic

      3 min read

    • Article

      Manson Inc.

      Jul 2, 2019

      The Benedict Canyon house was demolished years ago. A church looks down on the old ranch, which is now a state park. Most everyone who fell under his thrall is dead, or aging quietly in prison. None of that matters. The further events recede into his

      12 min read

    • Article

      Take a Writer Like Him: My Complicated Love Affair with Kingsley Amis

      Aug 24, 2018

      1. As much as I may rack my brain, there are 15 minutes or so in the dark that I can’t account for and that I’ll never get back—15 minutes during which, I have to think, that creep’s hands were touching my body. It’s a weird thing to think about all

      12 min read

    • Article

      'Where The Nightmares Go' Maps The Territory Of Fear

      Jun 17, 2018

      C. Robert Cargill's new story collection covers the globe and genres of horror from classic to modern, with ghost stories, thrillers, gore and puzzles that would be right at home on premium cable.

      3 min read

    • Article

      Books

      Jul 3, 2023

      Books
      6 min read

    • Article

      Great Read

      Nov 2, 2023

      Great Read
      8 min read

    • Article

      The Peeper’s Routine

      Jul 23, 2019

      The Peeper’s Routine
      7 min read

    • Article

      Hostess

      Dec 5, 2023

      I met Jill in 1982. We were working the Sydney-to-LA route, and she looked exactly the way an air hostess was supposed to: like Marilyn Monroe on stilts, playing the part of a firm, friendly nurse with a naughty inner life. None of the passengers wou

      20 min read

    • Article

      Four Of A Kind

      May 3, 2023

      Four Of A Kind
      4 min read

    • Article

      Lit Hub Recommends

      Sep 21, 2018

      Lit Hub Recommends
      4 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for Bite Me

    4/5

    722 ratings62 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

    • 4/5
      While not my favorite book by Christopher Moore, it is still a fun read. It kind of felt like it was a few more chapters of You Suck than the final part of a trilogy.
    • 4/5
      Liked this better than the second in the series, and maybe even better than the first.
    • 3/5
      The third book in a series, I've read the second, and now this one, and I'm not sure I want to grab the first book now. In my experience, many stories could be better with the first several pages (or chapters) removed from them, and it would make for a better read... I really enjoyed You Suck, the second book, and Bite Me was a nice addition to the story from second book, but I essentially know what happened in the first book without reading it, as the main points have been covered in the other books. So is this story better with the first book removed?Of course, I did love the characters “The Emperor of San Francisco” and “The Animals”, so I may want to read another book with them in starring roles...
    • 4/5
      Reason for Reading: Next in the series and I read every new book Moore publishes.Summary: The first sentence pretty much covers the plot: " The City of San Francisco is being stalked by a huge, shaved vampyre cat named Chet, and only I, Abby Normal, emergency backup mistress of the Greater Bay area night, and my manga-haired love monkey, Foo Dog, stand between the ravenous monster and a bloody massacre of the general public."Comments: Christopher Moore manages to bring back everybody (that isn't really dead) from the previous books, adding a new character, and inserting a couple of characters from previous books for extra measure. Abby, Foo Dog and Jared have much bigger parts this time around leaving some of my favourite characters from the previous books with much lesser page time. The Animals don't even go turkey bowling once! That said the story is hugely comical with plenty of typical Moore laugh out loud moments. I love all the characters in this series and really enjoyed the Emperor and the two cops having bigger roles in this book. As to Jody and Tommy, I won't say much but I will say the ending is surprising and I didn't like it very much as someone who really cares about these characters. One thing I love about Moore's books is that he manages to reward his constant readers by bringing in past characters for cameos and this time Lily the Goth girl from A Dirty Job shows up and there is a certain white Rastaman Kona who pilots a ship who has got to be Rastaman Kona from Fluke (especially with the "Bite Me" connection). I love his character! In all, a whole lot of insane hilarity with vampyre cats, an old samurai Japanese guy, and the usual main crowd of eccentric characters. A definite read for Moore fans. If you haven't read the other books in the series I suggest you start at the beginning with Bloodsucking Fiends for the most enjoyment.
    • 4/5
      I really enjoyed the chance to check back in with Jody and the gang. I loved this book. Christopher Moore is a great author and I usually love everything he writes. This was no different.
    • 4/5
      This reminded me why I enjoy Christopher Moore so much. The story fit within his established world, and it was funny and light. He took the genre, played with its tropes, and still found fresh angles of story telling.
    • 4/5
      This one was pretty hilarious. I found Abby to be a little annoying in the second book but in this one I adored her. It was a great mix of funny, snarky, sarcastic and vampirey.
    • 2/5
      ******POSSIBLE SPOILER FOR FIRST TWO BOOKS IN SERIES******Tommy and Jody are vampires and their minion, Abby, has encased them in bronze.******END SPOILER****** Meanwhile, the city is being overrun by vampire cats.I really liked the first in the series, and the second one was good. This one, I did not like. I really dislike Abby (even mentioned it in my review of You Suck), and she was more of a focus in this one. She is really annoying, and I hate her teenspeak. The first chapter particularly put me off the book – it was a recap of the first two books, which is fine, but it was all retold by Abby in her annoying way. Chapters that focused on other people were better, but not enough to pull up my rating. I know it's meant to be funny, but this one just seemed way too ridiculous for me. At least it didn't take long to read (though it was helped along by me sometimes skimming).
    • 5/5
      This was cool. I do wish that there was more to the end though, It would have been nice to see what exactly happened to Jody. I hope that there are further stories for this series, as I enjoyed every word written by the author. The books were just the right size and were packed with action and tons of comedy. Truly enjoyed them all.
    • 2/5
      I gave it a shot. But between the tiresome recounting of what happened in "You Suck" and the annoying vocal mannerisms of Abby Normal, I couldn't finish. There are just too many other books out there to waste time on this.
    • 3/5
      When we last left the young Goth girl, want-to-be vampire, Abby Normal, in Christopher Moore's "Blood Sucking Fiends" series, she has bronzed the vampire she serves, the recently turned Jody and her sired lover, Tommy while they slept and the Animals, Safeway's night shelf stocking crew's vampirism has been cured. As this novel opens Jody has escaped her bronze prison by turning into mist leaving Tommy who has yet learned this trick. A large, hairless and vampire cat named Chet is draining the homeless population of San Francisco of blood while also leaving a mischief of vampire rats in his wake. If matters can't become worse, a trio of ancient vampires, like the one who turned Jody, are attempting to eradicate any evidence of their existence by killing all who have been turned by their now deceased member. If my summary finds yourself scratching your head in confusion or chuckling to yourself, welcome to Christopher Moore's wacky world.
    • 2/5
      I have really mixed feelings about this book. In comparison to the first two: Blood Sucking Fiends and You Suck, this book failed miserably. It seemed as if Moore was stuck for a reasonable story line to make it work.

      On one hand I liked being able to read about Jodi, Tommy & the animals again........but there wasn't really enough of them & their story until nearly the end of the book.

      However, Abby-Obnoxious-Normal, really bit (pun intended)! She was brittle, dry, and over written....Moore wasted too much energy & time on her, trying to make her cutely "avante-garde" and he failed miserably. I HATED her, and I almost put the book down after reading the first 3 pages. Her opening vulgar rant was too over the top contrived and unnecessary, that it ruined the book for me.

      I wouldn't waste my money on this book, in fact it's sad that trees were killed to publish it.
    • 5/5
      OK, I guess it's official. I do like Christopher Moore a lot more than I thought. These books are just a riot. Laughing out loud too many times to rate this anything less than 5 stars.
    • 4/5
      As usual, Christopher Moore is equal parts funny and dramatic. The scene in which Jody breaks Tommy from the statue is pretty edge-of-your-seat, and the subsequent scenes that follow Tommy and Jody while they are apart brought a few sniffles. Just like book 3, I couldn't warm up to Abby, even though the scenes in which she became a vampire (and after) were pretty hilarious. I'm lukewarm about the ending. It was sad, but at the same time I thought that Jody and Tommy following their separate paths was a fitting finish, even if it was hinted that Tommy and Abby ended up together (blech.)

      One more thing -- every scene in which Jared was with the two cops was pure gold.
    • 3/5
      In what looks like the final entry of the Love Story series, Chet the vampire cat has become something of a problem, attacking both other cats and people, Jody and Flood are bronzed this time and Elijah's other fledglings return to the city to clean up his mess.

      This is my favorite of all of the Love Story book so far (granted it's been a while since I read the first two, fortunately Abby spends the first couple of pages catching us up on the past two books via her blog.) This one was just as silly and irreverant as the first two, but it also has a few more serious and kind moments that I really enjoyed and that kept it from getting too rediculous.

      I loved Abby's blog updates and I know that considering the time when the first book takes place blogs and texting are a little out of place but I loved it anyway. The only thing that really threw me about this book was that the book would jump from character to character and when it jumped character it also seemed to jump time sometimes and I couldn't figure out if things were happening the next day or earlier the same day. But I really liked how the ending worked out and was very happy, I hope everyone else enjoys it as much as I did.
    • 5/5
      Christopher Moore creates another wild, whacky, weird world for our reading enjoyment!! The characters include vampires, an enormous, shaved vampire cat, lots of vampire kitties and vampire rats. They all can turn to mist and then return to normal. Imagine mist around your legs that becomes a rat head eager to bite!! After my second dose of Moore it is becoming more and more apparent that I need to read more Moore!!
    • 5/5
      Loved this. Abby Normal the minion of the vampire mistress is back at it. This one has Abby actually turning into a vampire herself but with a tail. Yes a tail. There are also vampire cats in this one. Funny in parts and a very fun read. Is written through the voice of various characters in the book, Abby, The Animals, as well as Foo and Jody.
    • 3/5
      I am not a fan of vampire fiction but I thought a book by Christopher Moore would probably be funny at least. Bite Me delivers a few chuckles certainly. However, it is still about vampires and not my cup of tea.The story is set in San Francisco. It is told from the point of view of a number of people but the chief protagonist calls herself Abby Normal and her part of the story is told in the first person. The fact that she is a teenager in California with a goth persona is revealed by her sentence structure which is full of "like" "all" "whatever" "'Kayso" etc. I got tired very quickly of this. Abby is a minion to two vampires, Jody and Tommy, and she has a boyfriend, Foo, who is working on his master's degree in biochemistry. (Incidentally, Foo seems like a really smart guy but he was not thinking with his brain when he hooked up with Abby.) Jody was made a vampire by a really old vampire who sailed into the San Francisco harbour on his yacht. Jody then turned Tommy and they fell in love. The old vampire created more vampires, including a homeless guy's cat, before being rescued and removed by some of his coherts. The resulting plague of vampires is sweeping through San Francisco and two homicide cops, Rivera and Cavuto, are trying to contain it. Foo has developed a way to reverse the vampirism and also has invented some jackets with LED lights that will kill them. There is also a Japanese print maker who manages to kill some with a sword. However, it looks like the vampires, especially the vampire cats, might win out.One of the cutest bits involves the Chinese grandmother who passes on her recipe for vampire fighting tea. I also liked the Emperor of San Francisco and his two dogs (or his men as he calls them). And then there was the blonde Rastafarian yacht captain...It is Christopher Moore after all so there is lots to enjoy.
    • 5/5
      This book is part of a trilogy and is fun and bizarre.
    • 4/5
      Vampire cats? San Francisco? Inept cops? A Honda full of rats? What more could you want? Oh, yeah, there were also a few parrots a sword swinging artist, the Emperor of SF, and, like, a teenage wannabe vampire.This was my "Blind Date With a Book" from my local library and a fine date it was.
    • 4/5
      For Halloween this year, I went as a bad standup-comedian vampire. I wrote some jokes that followed typical standup subject matter but entirely without punch lines. My style was Steven Wright minus the payoff. I dressed as a vampire, wore realistic fangs, too, and performed the routine at two parties with a plant in the audience each time directed to shout, after four jokes, “You suck!!!”

      I killed.

      Hahahah. Well, I kill me, anyway.

      So a while back a friend loaned me the novel, You Suck because he said it was hilarious. When I realized it was part two of a trilogy, the OCD completist in me couldn’t read it without buying part one Bloodsucking Fiends and part three Bite Me. This review will cover all three installments.

      All three books have a delightfully whimsical, campy quality. Occasionally, there are moments of pseudo-profound introspection, but these are some of the least satisfying elements in the books. The Vampire Trilogy, as Moore calls it, at its finest puts a few hilarious characters in embarrassing situations. And he’s got some brilliant lines sprinkled throughout to season the meal.

      Bloodsucking Fiends is by far the least funny and least satisfying of the three. I would describe it as fun without being all that funny. There were several plot twists, especially toward the end, that were quite unconvincing. I also found one of the two main characters, the 19-year old writer wannabe, to be rather annoying and far too naïve-country-boy-comes-to-big-city while the other main character was a bit too bland. Nonetheless, Moore sustained my interest through a barreling plot and amusing characters. I was definitely a bit disappointed and almost didn’t continue, but the OCD side took control, and I’m glad it did.

      You Suck upped the hilarity quotient exceedingly through the introduction of two characters of comedic brilliance, the sick-and-twisted, uber-snarky goth girl Abby Normal (I wonder if Moore stole that name from Young Frankenstein. Or more accurately, did the character steal it because her “real” name is Allison Green while Abigail von Normal is her goth name) and her gay goth bff Jared. Apparently, Abby has a small role in one of Moore’s other novels, but she becomes much more significant in You Suck, and Bite Me is really more of her novel than the two hero vampires, Tommy and Jody. Good call, I say. because she is way damn funnier and smarter than either of them. She really steals the show with her wit and attitude. I could read Abby Normal all day.

      I wouldn’t be surprised to see these novels as movies some day. The late-shift supermarket stockers/vampire-hunting stoners featured practically beg for a screenplay to be written for them. And surely some starlet needs to be Abby Normal in order to break from her goody-two-shoes casting. And plus … vampires. Nobody’s done a good vampire comedy since Love at First … okay, since ever. This could work.

      Occasionally, the plot seems to get away from Moore and it requires more exposition than it should, but when he focuses on character, the story kills. Overall, worth reading … good comedy is bloody hard to do.
    • 3/5
      I tend to have difficulty warming to characters in Moore's books, but he is so very creative and entertaining that I just keep trying. In general, I never get the sense that Moore himself is particularly empathetic or sympathetic to his characters, and that most of the books' energies are devoted to comedy and zany plots. Moore is one of the best at such comedy: his books are always outrageous, creative, and bizarre, and definitely worth a read. However, despite the hilarious title, I don't think Bite Me is the best example of his work. My major issue with it is that it breaks one of my personal writing guidelines. I tend to love pastiche and parody, but I believe there is one cardinal rule: the authorial conceit should not interfere with the narrative flow. In this particular case, the narrative is written in Valley Girl voice and I found it vastly irritating to read, so much so that it overwhelmed my ability to enjoy the plot.

      If you, like, are totally rad with the, like, idea of, like, reading the OBSESSIONS of, like, a teenage valley-girl who, like, writes kind of like this, OMG, and like CAPITALIZES random WORDS, give this book a try.

      Otherwise, if you're interested in Moore, then maybe take a look at some of his other books such as A Dirty Job or Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal.
    • 3/5

      The infuriating Goth Abby Normal, whom I first encountered in Moore's A Dirty Job -- a novel I liked very much -- here takes more or less centre stage in a tale of vampirism, narrating a good deal of the book in her own inimitable style. Others of the characters from A Dirty Job reprise here (and, I sense, have already done so in the intervening novel You Suck). The tale is very funny -- I laughed a lot -- and quite extraordinarily smutty, yet I came away from it dissatisfied: where A Dirty Job was one of those triumphs that would have been a fine fantasy novel (and in fact a very ambitious one) even without the jokes, Bite Me seems to exist almost solely as a vehicle for the jokes. There are some great comic scenes -- as when Abby is "turned" and tries to impress her boyfriend with her Awesome Powers, or when the Emperor of San Francisco is used as bait for an aeons-old vampiress in a Safeway store -- but overall the book's a bit forgettable.
    • 5/5
      Third book of Moore's vampire trilogy. The city where Abby lives is in danger because of a horde of..... vampire cats. Yes, they are a real danger, so Abby, Jody and Tommy have to be tough (rarely succeeded) because everything is upside down.... as it's usual in a Christopher Moore book. Maybe the best of the trilogy....
    • 4/5
      Best read-aloud book ever. My husband and I have a long commute to do several times a week, so we read books in the car. I have to say that this set of books by Christopher Moore - and Bite Me in particular - have been the most enjoyable read-aloud material I can ever remember doing. Abby cracks me up with every single word, and her character really makes the story. Moore's take on vampirism also works very well, creating delightful conflicts and difficult situations. (I also have to wonder if his character Isabella was a wink at the Twilight books - I wouldn't put it past him.) I do hope he keeps writing more of these - this is one set of books I don't feel like I could quite get enough of.
    • 2/5
      As the third book in this series, Bite Me, simply does not live up to the standards set by its predecessors. A considerable chunk of the character's time is spent trying to find one another, Jody trying to find Tommy, Tommy trying to find Jody, Abby trying to find either or both of them. This does little to enhance the plot and seems to be used more as a device to show the passage of time. When they finally did find one another, the characters were flat and boring. I missed the banter that left me laughing out loud in the previous novels. I was disappointed by the lack of interaction between the main characters as well as the lack of time spent with minor, but interesting, characters like the Animals and the Emperor. These characters had been points of hilarity and insanity earlier in the series, but, in this book, seem tired and bored. Overall I was disappointed to see the series end this way. If you are a fan of Christopher Moore, then by all means, venture into this book in order to see how the characters fare. But, if you are choosing just one of his books to try, may I recommend Lamb or A Dirty Job instead. Either of these novels will show Moore in a much better light.
    • 4/5
      Vampire kitties. Narrated by Abby Normal.

      I loved this book. It may be because I read #1 and #2 in the wrong order, but I like this one the best of the three books. This little set of vampire books beats the hell out of most pop-culture vampire stuff and is a hell of a lot of fun. Moore doesn't disappoint with lots of laugh out loud moments and utter absurdity.

      I listened to these books, and I am so pleased that all three have the same awesome narrator. She really brings life to the characters and I think a lot of the funnier moments were made better by her characterization of the people in the book (particularly Marvin and Abby Normal).

      And just as a total aside (and thanks to my career field), I've spent entirely too much time thinking about the husbandry of vampire (research) rats. Thanks, Christopher Moore, - I needed that.
    • 3/5
      Bite Me, is the third (and hopefully last) installment of Christopher Moore's Love Story series. The action starts with Abigail Von Normal, minion of the countess with an IQ of -12, nesting in her love lair with her science- oriented and manga haired boy toy, Foo-Dog. The lovers bizarre mating rituals are interrupted when the city of San Francisco is plagued by a herd of Vampire Cats, with Chet, the fat shaved cat, as the alpha cat-vamp. Jody and Flood are released from their bronze prison to try and once again thwart this city-wide crisis. The humor in this book went from funny to foul as quickly as a fish left in a desk drawer overnight. Christopher Moore is normally an accomplished humorist, but this book fell short. If you have invested the time to read the first two books in the series you may want to pick this one up for closure reasons, but if you haven't and you happen to be reading this then run! Run fast and find something else to read.
    • 4/5
      Christopher Moore, even at his most mundane, is more fun than 90% of the authors you will read. Bite Me is not mundane. Maybe not one of his top works (very often, when he returns to his vampire works, it feels like “oh, time to throw another one out”). But still that touch of insanity that Moore’s readers come to expect.This is the third book in his vampire “love story” series (the first to being Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story and You Suck: A Love Story), you don’t have to read the others to catch up to what is going on here. (But, seriously, why wouldn’t you. You can’t go wrong reading a Moore book, so go read them. But I digress.) There is a girl who wants to be a vampire. Some vampires who have been trapped in time. Good vampires. Bad vampires. Nobody sparkles (requisite comment for any review of a vampire book these days). Hordes of vampire cats. Lots of blood. And verbal skewering of the life we have come to accept as normal.As fun as any of his other works. And just as entertaining. And just a little warped – which, again, readers have come to expect.
    • 3/5
      Bite Me is the third book in this comedic series about vampires and, though not its strongest, still funny. The focus in this book shifts from Tommy and Jody to their minion Abby. Her crazy style is sometimes entertaining and sometimes a bit annoying. If you enjoyed the other two books, read this one. If you haven't read the other books, or if you didn't like them, don't go through too much trouble.