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Unholy Night
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Unholy Night
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Unholy Night
Audiobook9 hours

Unholy Night

Written by Seth Grahame-Smith

Narrated by Peter Berkrot

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

3.5/5

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Currently unavailable

About this audiobook

From the author of the New York Times bestselling Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, comes UNHOLY NIGHT, the next evolution in dark historical revisionism.

They're an iconic part of history's most celebrated birth. But what do we really know about the Three Kings of the Nativity, besides the fact that they followed a star to Bethlehem bearing strange gifts? The Bible has little to say about this enigmatic trio. But leave it to Seth Grahame-Smith, the brilliant and twisted mind behind Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies to take a little mystery, bend a little history, and weave an epic tale.

In Grahame-Smith's telling, the so-called "Three Wise Men" are infamous thieves, led by the dark, murderous Balthazar. After a daring escape from Herod's prison, they stumble upon the famous manger and its newborn king. The last thing Balthazar needs is to be slowed down by young Joseph, Mary and their infant. But when Herod's men begin to slaughter the first born in Judea, he has no choice but to help them escape to Egypt.

It's the beginning of an adventure that will see them fight the last magical creatures of the Old Testament; cross paths with biblical figures like Pontius Pilate and John the Baptist; and finally deliver them to Egypt. It may just be the greatest story never told.
LanguageEnglish
Release dateApr 10, 2012
ISBN9781611133950
Unavailable
Unholy Night

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Reviews for Unholy Night

Rating: 3.453125 out of 5 stars
3.5/5

128 ratings16 reviews

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  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    I am a fan of Seth Grahame-Smith, particularly of his book, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer. SGS has an amazing ability to capitalize on an imagination that seems to have no boundaries. Any boundaries are broken with descriptive and convincing prose. With the success of his mash ups of zombies/vampires with historical and literary characters, SGS now turns his imagination to speculative fiction....the "what if" of historical events (for the moment suspend your religious viewpoints). What if the three wise men of the Bible were in fact thieves and blood thirsty murderers (although still wise). The absurdity of the plot is perfect for the creative juices flowing from this author's brain but, is the plot really absurd? What do we really know of Balthazar, Gaspard and Melchior? A challenge such as this is where the writing abilities of Seth Grahame-Smith shine. But alas, the shine is a little dimmer with this novel. The story is of three wise men but the central character and the only character of any depth is Balthazar, lowly thief and murderer wanted by King Herod. Gaspard and Melchior are mere shadow characters coming off as petty and selfish. Yes they are thieves but from a literary stand point they were also flat and one dimensional. The story could have gone on without them. The author spends much of this book working on the development of Balthazar which is a shame as there are many interesting characters interspersed in the the book. His relationship with Mary and Joseph lacked credibility and Mary in particular was difficult to feel out. I would have liked to see more of a Pontious Pilate-Mary/Joseph-Balthazar relationship but it was kept to a minimum. Those few interactions in particular were more alive than any other scene in the book.I'm a bit disappointed in this book which has a fantastic premise. Maybe if the three wise men were vampires the book would have been better.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    An Excellent Book. Well handled.

    Stickler's for anachronisms will find plenty to nitpick about in the author's choice of words, but consider them a "Translation and Framing in Modern Context" and you'll be fine.

    There are some interesting narrative shifts that I'm not sure I like.

    The author ties all of the participants together in some very interesting ways. Ways that would make any other story seem implausible, but that really only add to this particular tale.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Uh, this book went there. Specifically in graphic violent content and telling an alternate story about Jesus' birth. Balthazar was wonderfully crass in the face of the future Savior. It was well done although I didn't like it as much as Lamb. More serious tone.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    The two-star rating isn't fair, but I didn't enjoy Unholy Night very much. Grahame-Smith tells a good story, tweaking the established framework of the Nativity to build a compelling tale filled with adventure, revenge, and a little mysticism; however, the novel's bad guys are really indefensibly bad, and I don't think it's a spoiler to say that any story involving King Herod is going to be heavy on the horrible.

    These things would be fine if I weren't such a delicate over-invested flower, and I think for most readers -- readers who are able to separate themselves from the story -- this would be a rollicking adventure. For those who are familiar with the New Testament, it might be fun to spot divergences and see which familiar names make appearances in Unholy Night. There are swordfights! Very carefully described swordfights. There's a lot of cutting and hacking and ducking and plunging.

    And that's where I ran into a problem, because a lot of the violence in Unholy Night is directed toward kids, BABIES, and while it's historically accurate and everything, that's just not something I can handle when I'm reading for pleasure. I can't totally deal with the adult-on-adult violence, either, to be honest -- Grahame-Smith describes it way too lovingly -- but the huge amount of kid stuff takes it over the edge into Have-to-Skim Territory.

    I don't know, there are enough times in real life where I have to batten down the hatches so that I don't become useless to my own kids; I try not to purposefully chase after things that wreck me. I'm sure this means I'm missing out on a lot of great literature but it also keeps me (relatively) sane.

    But that's my special snowflake thing, and obviously many people CAN deal, and for those people, I think this is a good book. I have a few minor quibbles, like the fact that the the only character who's fully fleshed out is Balthazar, the protagonist, and that the dialogue felt too modern at times given the historic setting. And I think the ending felt a little rushed. But then, I was skimming a lot of it so for all I know, it was perfectly timed and felt faster than it is.

    So, after all that long explanation, you can see why I feel like my two stars are a little unfair, but they're based on my enjoyment, right? So I'm going to leave it.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    The story of the birth of Jesus Christ may be one familiar to many, but on the other hand very little is known about the three wise men that brought him gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. This is why this book is so entertaining. Unholy Night pretty much asks, what if these Three Kings were actually a bunch of thieves and killers?I was all prepared to give this book a high rating just for the unique and hilarious premise alone. And I would have, if only I wasn't so disappointed with the writing. Maybe it's just me, but I found the writing in this novel to be horrifically bad. I was actually shocked to see that it was Seth Grahame-Smith's most recently released novel, because I loved his work in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and quite frankly what I saw in Unholy Night felt like a step backward. The prose and some of the phrases and metaphors he used in it just seemed downright amateurish. Descriptions felt lazy and sloppy.Also, while this book is supposedly about the so-called Three Wise Men, we only really get to know about Balthazar. In fact, beyond Balthazar there's hardly any development of the other characters at all. What characterization there was felt very flat and shallow, and completely squandered. For instance, I felt Mary and Joseph came across as nothing more than a couple of naive religious nuts, when this otherwise would have been a fantastic opportunity to explore the thoughts, personalities and motivations of these two extraordinary figures. I was also not very impressed as how Herod was portrayed as a villain -- a crazy mad man who is a violent egomaniac, who rapes women and kills people for sport? He was basically a caricature of someone "really, really evil(TM)" and not much more.I was entertained by the story, I will give it that. However, I was really disappointed overall, given how much I was looking forward to reading this. A great idea, but wasted on an unimaginative plot and poor character development.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Seth Grahame-Smith has created a niche for himself mixing the mystical with the mundane. In Unholy Night, he departs from the undead subjects of his previous novels -- Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. I haven't read the first, but I did read Abraham Lincoln last year. All in all, I find it more plausible that our 16th president was Buffy's precursor than the thief, Balthazar, defeated Roman armies and escaped death numerous times thanks to baby Jesus. In Unholy Night, the "Three Wise Men" who crashed Jesus' birth were actually condemned criminals, saved by the brilliance of the aforementioned Balthazar. Miraculous escapes continue...but increasingly they seem tied to the bizarrely calm baby of the nutty lady who convinced her doofus husband that god knocked her up. Balthazar is Atheistic/skeptical of the whole affair, but comes up a little short of an epiphany when the unlikely starts to occur.Balthazar goes on to outlive everyone else, but the 2 weeks spent accompanying Mary, Joseph and the baby stayed with him his whole life. Other notable characters include the syphilis-ridden, increasingly insane Herod "The Great" of Judea and a rising young Roman commander, Pontius Pilot. I didn't like this book as well as Abraham Lincoln - Vampire Slayer in spite of an affinity for the subject matter. Balthazar is a well-developed character, but he is, essentially, a supporting actor in the pageant being played out, although this book focusing on him to the exclusion of everything else. He is an interesting character, just not the most interesting character of the time. As a result, the climax is rather anti-climatic; not really the big show-down as in Abraham Lincoln. If you like the subject matter and won't go insane over a fictional account of events around the alleged birth of Jesus, this is a solid novel. Not as plausible as vampire killing, but can anything involving the pre-zombie Jesus be plausible? I've yet to see it.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    All of the gory violence and action you'd expect from Smith's previous zombie/vampire novels, with all of the historical accuracy and cultural authenticity of Disney's Alladin. Not bad, exactly, though several sections in the latter half of the book were groan-worthy. I guess I was hoping for something a little more irreverent and a little less supernatural--although, given the subject matter and the author, that was kind of unrealistic on my part. I'll have to try P&P and Zombies. I have the feeling I'd like that better.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    The story was good and interesting, the audio production very animated and theatrical. The graphic depiction of violence against babies and children was something I could live without. I enjoyed the Abraham Lincoln book much better.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    This is an interesting take on an established story. It seems to have the sort of action-Bible story appeal that 13 and 14-year-old boys like when they are questioning religion and want to irritate their Sunday School Teacher with alternate histories. The orphaned girl character who loves the thieving rogue when he is fifteen, then falls passionately in love with him again after not seeing him for another fifteen years after he dumped her would appeal and would be believable to that set.Balthazar is known as the "Antioch Ghost", a noted and troubled thief, revolutionary and uncaring bad man. With two other captured prisoners, he knocks out three priests who unwillingly take their places at the execution block, steals their impressive robes and flee from Jerusalem. Stealing some gold along the way, along with some easily fenced frankincense to sell later and some medicinal myrrh to help their wounds, they stumble into Bethlehem and meet the Holy Family just after the birth of Christ. While the author deals kindly with the Christ child, his portrayal of May and Joseph are cardboard characters and his writing about them is weak and frequently annoying. After many adventures in this picaresque novel, Almighty God must intervene directly as a plot saving "Deus ex machina" device several times to protect them all from thirst, murder and sudden death, not to mention the author writing the characters into an un-painted corner and his odd plot twists.The rogue character of Balthazar is not that appealing to the reader, even though other people in the story look up to him and fall in love with him just before he leaves them all in a lurch. A few interesting touches at the end of the book brings together the two thieves Balthazar partners with, and the hapless Pontius Pilate, who pops in and out of the story as a messenger of the Emperor and foil to Herod the Great. A revenge subplot fizzles out.For a religious story that has sparked countless imaginations based on only a few lines in the Bible, this is not that particularly good. However, the action narrative did keep my attention, and I was interested in a "Perils of Pauline" fashion of finding out what happens next in the serial style of cliffhanger at the end of some chapters. A little more depth of character and a less happen-stance plot would have made the book a better read, and for this I also blame the editors who should have been more helpful. I gave it a three star rating, but perhaps like the Star of Bethlehem, it deserves only one.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Although this book was nothing like I thought it would be (I assumed, based on the title, it would lean into the horror genre - it didn't), it was a really great read.The story follows Balthazar, known to the world as The Antioch Ghost, who is introduced as one of the greatest thieves who ever lived. A bungled collection of circumstances place him and two other criminals in the manager just after the birth of Jesus (the three of them in the story are the Wise Men). While the criminals are on the run from the authorities, Mary and Joseph are running from Roman soldiers who have been ordered by King Herod to kill every male child in fear of a prophecy of the fall of Rome. Their coincidental meeting causes an unlikely team-up and leads to a great series of fantastic events.While biblical events do play out in the story, the shining light (no pun intended) of the book is Balthazar. Eventually we see into his tragic past, and the last chapter wonderfully caps off his incredibly interesting life. Mary, Joseph, and their child are important characters to be sure, but Balthazar is the star of this tale.More an adventure story than anything else, and just enough gore to keep me shocked and wanting to read more.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Meet Balthazar, a thieve, occasional murderer, and con artist. From a young age, he has used his wits and flexible morals to keep himself fed and alive. He joined forces with two other criminals while in Herod’s dungeons, fleeing on camelback. They stopped to rest at a barn, only to find a slip of woman, who had recently given birth, and her husband pointing a pitchfork at them menacingly. That’s right. The three wise men mentioned in the bible were criminals in disguise and on the run.I do believe this has become my favorite Baby Jesus story. I really enjoyed the author’s Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, but found his other famous work Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter to be rather boring. I am glad to say that I found this book to be pretty entertaining. I was a little worried that it would be too religious for me. But that was not the case at all.The story is pretty gritty. It’s a rough time historically. There’s no indoor plumbing, you have to work pretty hard for your food and shelter, and might makes right. Balthazar is a really interesting character. You don’t have to like him to be intrigued. Pretty soon he becomes known as the Antioch Ghost, being Syrian and able to flit about stealing this bit of jewelry here and that bit of coin there. Alas, he ends up on Herod’s radar and he whips his little army into a frenzy to catch the Antioch Ghost.In Herod’s dungeons, he meets two other criminals, Gaspar and Melchyor. The three of them make a plan and escape, complete with disguises and camels. It looks like the worst is behind them, until they meet Mary and Joseph and their newborn and get caught up in Herod’s blood lust for the baby. The fighting does contain gory bits, which makes it that much more real and also shows the clear motivation for our characters to either fight or flee.My one little criticism is one I am sure many can guess: the female characters are few and far between. Early on, there is a lady sex object that Balthazar cons out of some baubles. Then there is Mary, who starts off mute then moves to timid and eventually finds a small voice. Later in the story, there is Sela, who is a fortune teller. She is the most fleshed out of the female characters but since she comes into the story so late, we have only a little time with her. I would have liked to see a better gender balance.OK, so back to the good stuff. I loved the humor, which was often harsh. The author doesn’t flinch from keeping things real. There is very little reverence in this story and even when you get a few touches of it, there’s still plenty of room for a reader’s personal interpretation. For instance, Balthazar doesn’t believe that Mary was a virgin, but he is most definitely against Herod and his men killing babies. Balthazar is very skeptical about any mystical or religious significance that Mary and Joseph attach to their son and for the story, this comes off as very practical.As their adventures become more dire and injuries and deaths occur, Balthazar starts to wonder if there is some divine power helping them along. Yet if he considers that, then he has to consider if there is some malevolent force assisting Herod in his hunt for baby Jesus. I really liked that the author left the determination of this up to the reader. At the beginning of the story, I didn’t like Balthazar but he was interesting. By the end, I felt he deserved a pat on the back, a chilled beer, and a month’s worth of rest.Narration: Peter Berkrot did a really good job with this book. He had a variety of accents and kept all his characters distinct. His voice for Balthazar was the best and he put a lot of emotion in to all the right places. While there were only a few lady characters, his female voices were believable. His voice for the spoiled, angry Herod was also well done.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    Stories of the birth in Bethlehem always centre on Jesus, Mary and Joseph, however there were three other fairly significant beings there that night. Always mentioned, and then glossed over, no one really know much about the three wise men who brought gifts on the eve of baby Jesus’ birth. Seth Grahame-Smith means to remedy that with this book by telling us the story behind the wise men … at least his version of their reluctant place in biblical history.

    It’s always difficult to take a story, particularly one as well known and respected as the birth of baby Jesus, and give it a different spin. Mr. Grahame-Smith does it well with this book, and does it in such a way as not to be blasphemous. Yes, there may be some outcry about the fate given to the “real wise men”, and there may be some head shaking about Joseph’s original thoughts on Mary’s pregnancy, and there may be some fall out about Mary’s liberated attitude, but let’s face it, you pick up a book like this and you have to set some things aside. I enjoy Mr. Grahame-Smith’s books because despite how outrageous his scenarios there is always that little feeling of “wow, it could have happened that way!”
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    The wise men in Seth Grahame-Smith's retelling of the Nativity story are anything but wise, but they are charmingly human. Balthazar, the main character, is a thief with a conscience, who stumbles into the manger scene complete with a healthy dose of skepticism. Despite his unbelief, Balthazar's life becomes inextricably entwined with those of Mary, Joseph, and their infant son, and a non-stop adventure ensues.

    Grahame-Smith does an excellent job of weaving together the Biblical tale, his own imagining of Balthazar, and a realistically recreated setting of ancient Judea. The little details such as the madness of King Herod prove amusing along the way. Mary comes through as a refreshingly strong character compared to the "meek and mild" descriptors that usually are associated with her, and Balthazar's eventual transformation is heartening to watch unfold. The very final pages of the book hold one last great surprise that brings loose threads together in brilliant conclusion to an exciting and inspiring story.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    I knew going into this that it wasn't going to be any type of traditional nativity story, given who the author is. And I was certainly justified in my assumption. Unholy Night centers on Balthazar, one of the Bible's three Wise Men. But in this version, Balthazar is not a king or even a good guy. He's a thief and murderer, and not particularly likeable at all. I won't say much more than that. You've got to read the story to get all the details.I didn't love this book, although to be fair, I didn't necessarily hate it either. There is a lot in biblical stories that can be left to interpretation, and I imagine there are aspects of the nativity story that fall into that category as well. I think what bothered me the most with this interpretation (if you want to call it that), was just the tone of the book. It was dark. It was violent -- very violent. I can take a fair amount of violence in a story, but I also find comfort in my traditional view of the story of Christ's birth, and it was kind of unsettling to picture all of this unnecessary violence & evil in a story that I normally find very pleasant & heartwarming.I listened to this on audio, and for the most part the reader did a fine job, although every time I heard Herod's "voice", I felt sort of like I was listening to someone run their nails down a chalkboard. But there you go...unpleasant man, unpleasant voice.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This book was a page turner and I could barely put it down. The author takes a piece of a very familiar story where very little is actually known and tells a tale that will have you on the edge of your seat.I was a little dubious about it at first, but as I continued to read and understand that the author was not trying to trash the birth of Jesus but fill in a gap where very little is known about the three wise men, I became more comfortable. After all God can work in mysterious ways. I really loved how the author captured the essence of each one of the characters. Warning for those who don’t like blood and gore, this has a lot of violence but then again so does the history of that period in time.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Seth Grahame-Smith is definitely growing as a writer. I thoroughly enjoyed all three of his books, and with each one he seems to move a little more out of the mash up genre. His latest “Unholy Night” I feel is his best so far. The pacing, the prose, the character development all are better here than his previous two novels. And as with “Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter”, his historical research is surprisingly good. My only hesitation with his work is that he is still clinging to a structure that is to an extent set up already for him (although lesser in this novel than in previous). He started out with “Pride, Prejudice and Zombies” by taking the existing novel and adding zombie elements where he saw fit. Clever and interesting, but not much risk or work as a writer. Next came Lincoln, in which he stretched out a bit by not starting with an existing piece of work, but instead fit his Vampire items into the historical constructs of Lincoln’s life. Again clever and interesting, and a little more work required, but still he was working within a predefined structure.“Unholy Night” again inches slightly further away from this formula, as the main characters have no real historical record (outside of appearing at the manger). But still he is fitting the characters into the historical context of Jesus’ birth and the Roman/Judean responses to that.All in all this is a very good read and one I would recommend, but do hope that Grahame-Smith’s next book is not in this same vein. He is a wonderful writer and would love to see what he can do without the safety net he has been working with.