The Last Will and Testament

he first priority should be to confirm beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am actually dead by whispering the words “windbuff,” “free heli bump,” or “open bar” into my ear, followed by about two hours of CPR from an attractive female ski patroller or race coach. Assuming confirmation of my dirt-napping status, an extensive investigation into the cause of my demise should be initiated. Whether I pre-released and double-ejected